Category: Bosses & Owners

Turns All Sales To Stone

| HI, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Bosses & Owners

(I work in the fine jewelry section of a large, well-known department store. This conversation happens with a young, laid-back manager.)

Me: “[Manager], come see this.”

Manager: “What?”

Me: “Did you know we have a Medusa pendant in the men’s jewelry?”

Manager: “What, really? Yikes.”

Me: “I know, right? Who the hell designed this, and why do we have it?”

Manager: “I have no idea. You sure this is men’s?”

Me: “Does it make any more sense if it was made for women? But yeah, check the size of the pendant and the thickness of the chain you’d need; it’s men’s. It’s also [several hundred dollars] at full price.”

Manager: “Wow.”

Me: “Because what a guy really needs in his life is Medusa’s severed head hanging from his neck.”

Manager: “…I’ll give you 25 dollars of [Store credit] if you sell this thing.”

Me: “DONE.”

(Hey, guys, what you really need in your life is Medusa’s severed head hanging from your neck, and I would be happy to take care of that for you!)

Emperor Trumpatine

| Norfolk, VA, USA | Bosses & Owners, Coworkers, Geeks Rule, Politics

Warning: This story contains potential spoilers for Star Wars: The Force Awakens!

(Every morning my boss comes into the office to chat with me and coworkers. It’s a very relaxed environment and the conversation varies widely between entertainment and politics. I am the youngest person in the room and my boss and coworkers were my age when the first Star Wars movie came out. This happened about a month after Star Wars: Episode 7 came out and my boss has finally seen the movie.)

Boss: *joking* “What is it with these movies and people getting killed on bridges. You know, I’m all for light-saber control laws.”

Coworker: “But if they had light-saber control then only The dark side would have light-sabers!”

Fails To Register

| DE, USA | Bosses & Owners, Extra Stupid, Money

(I work at a women’s retail clothing store. My fellow assistant manager is not the brightest bulb, and conversations like this one happen frequently. I call the store back after leaving my shift to give fellow manager a heads up…)

Me: “Hi, [Assistant Manager], I wanted to let you know I forgot to split the change order between the two registers when I came back from the bank run. Could you buy some of the $1s from Register #1 into Register #2, please?”

Assistant Manager: “Sure thing. I did notice that Register #2 is low on $1s. You want me to just take them from Register #1?”

(The next day:)

Assistant Manager: “Hey, something was off with the registers last night when I closed. Register #1 was short, but Register #2 was over the same amount! I counted them both down and just took the over amount from Register #1 and put it into Register #2. Then they both finally came out okay! How do you think that happened?”

Me: “When I asked you to buy some $1s from Register #1 to put into Register #2, did you buy them or just take the $1s from Register #1 and put them in Register #2?”

Assistant Manager: “Oh, I took some $1s from R1 and put them in R2….WOW, that’s the same amount as the shortage from last night! Think that has anything to do with it?”

(Oh, and this person’s previous occupation? A bank manager, for almost 20 years.)

Getting A Raise With Minimum Effort

| GA, USA | Bad Behavior, Bosses & Owners, Money

(My first job was as “kennel help” in a small vet clinic. I made minimum wage and did everything from cleaning dog poop to assisting with surgery. One day the vet called me into his office.)

Vet: “So you’ve been here for over a year and have done a good job. I’ve decided that you deserve a raise. How does [slightly higher than minimum wage] sound?”

Me: “Really? I get a raise? Cool!”

(I was thrilled to have earned a raise, even if it was only a small one. A few days later I was hanging out with a friend and proudly told them the good news.)

Friend: “So you’re still making minimum wage?”

Me: “No. I got a raise!”

Friend: “You do know they just raised the minimum wage, right?”

Me: “…”

(I checked, and it was true. The “raise” my boss had given me was actually a mandatory raising of the minimum wage.)

Can’t Account For The Lack Of Accounting

| ME, USA | Bosses & Owners, Math & Science

(We work in the finance/accounting department of a production facility. A staff member brings a month-end reconciliation to our boss for help because she’s not balancing and can’t find the error.)

Staff Member: *getting upset* “I can’t find it; I’ve checked my numbers three times and I just can’t find it!”

Boss: “Have you tried [offers two suggestions to figure out the discrepancy]?”

Staff Member: “I don’t know what you want from me! I’m not a mathematician!”

Boss: *stares*

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