Category: Extra Stupid

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Knowledge Is Power

| UK | Employees, Extra Stupid, Math & Science, Technology

(The broadband Internet fails. I call the help line, which happens to be in India.)

Helpline: “Has anything moved in the house?”

Me: “Only the electrons in the wires.”

Helpline: “Can you put them back to see if that fixes the problem?”

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The Machines Have Already Started Thinking For Us

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Employees, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Technology

(I’m on a three week internship in Toronto and decide one morning to try a popular coffee store again. I’ve tried it before, but me being from the Netherlands, their coffee was tasteless to me. Luckily, they have a new brand of coffee called ‘dark roast’, which is supposed to be more flavourful.)

Employee #1: “How can I help you?”

Me: “Good morning. I would like a latte, please, but with dark roast coffee instead of the regular coffee.”

Employee #1: *stares at me as if I’m crazy* “What?”

Me: “A latte, but change the regular coffee with dark roast coffee. The regular is too mild for me.”

Employee #1: “But the latte is machine-made. It is always the same settings.”

(Employee #2 happens to overhear our conversation.)

Employee #2: “No problem, [Employee #1]! Just make the latte, pour some out and put dark roast coffee in it.”

Me: “Sounds reasonable!”

Employee #1: “I’m not sure… It is machine-made! I can’t change the settings!”

Employee #2: “That’s why I said, make the latte with the machine, then afterwards pour some out and put dark roast coffee to fill the cup again.”

Employee #1: *stares at [Employee #2] as if he suddenly sprouted wings or something*

Employee #2: *sighs* “Never mind. I will make the latte myself.”

(He proceeded to make my latte with dark roast coffee. I thanked him, and Employee #1 handled the receipt with an amazed expression still on her face. I guess that when machines come into play, you don’t have to use your brain anymore. The dark roast latte was perfect, by the way, exactly how I wanted it.)

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This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 3

| Durham, England, UK | Employees, Extra Stupid, Money

Me: “Hello, [Company]. How can I help?”

Employee: “Hi, [My Name], it’s [Employee]. I’ve not been paid today.”

Me: “Well, I know I processed them all personally yesterday but let me check that.”

(I check the payroll system and bank. It’s definitely gone through to the same account we’ve paid him into for the last few months he’s worked for us.)

Me: “I’ve looked on our systems and everything seems to have gone through as normal. Are you sure nothing has gone out at your end that you’ve not known about?”

Employee: “No, I’ve checked and I’ve not been paid today.”

Me: “It’s all gone through here and I’ve not had anyone else ring in to say they’ve not been paid. Have you printed off a mini statement at the cash point to make sure the payment isn’t on there?”

Employee: “Well, I don’t need to. I’ve had my full statement come in the post this morning and today’s pay isn’t on there.”

Me: “You’re looking at a statement you got in the post today?”

Employee: “Yes.”

Me: “For a payment that went in your bank today?”

Employee: “Yes.”

(Silence.)

Me: “I’m sorry, [Employee], I’m sure that’s not how bank statements work when you get them in the post. It definitely won’t have today’s transactions on it and probably not even yesterday’s either. It should tell you somewhere on there what date your statement runs to and from.”

Employee: “Ah… right… no. You’re right. It doesn’t, does it?”

Me: “Nope.”

Employee: “Of course not. Sorry about that.”

Me: “No problem. Let me know if it hasn’t gone in when you check today’s transactions. Bye!”

(I didn’t hear from him that day so I’m guessing he found out that he had in fact been paid that day! He wasn’t in the slightest bit angry with me on the phone; he just wanted his pay to go in the bank. It did make me question the type of people we employ!)

Related:
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 2
This Is Why We’re In A Recession

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Better ‘Safe’ Than Sorry

| Brisbane, QLD, Australia | Bosses & Owners, Extra Stupid

(My manager has just come out of a meeting with her manager.)

Manager: “[Her Manager] just told me to remove my name badge from my lanyard. I always wear it there; I don’t see what the problem is.”

Me: “Your key lanyard?”

Manager: “Yes. Just in case I lose them, everyone will know they are mine.”

Me: “Uh, your key lanyard with the front door, back door, and office keys?”

Manager: “Yes, why?”

Me: “The office that holds the safe?”

Manager: “It’s got a combination.”

Me: “It’s not a very secure combination. If I was robbing the place it would be the second combination I would try.”

Manager: “What would be the first?”

Me: “0000.”

Manager: “Oh… maybe I should change the combination. Anyway, there’s a code on the tearoom door.”

Me: “The tearoom door that is in the wall that doesn’t go all the way to the ceiling? The same one you keep the ladder next to?”

Manager: “Oh, s***.”