Category: Extra Stupid

Taxing Faxing Over And Over

| Germany | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Technology

(We recently hired a new guy to help out in the office, though mostly with mundane tasks. In his application he stated that he has 10+ years of experience working in an office. On his first day I ask him to fax a document to a customer. Several minutes later I get a call from said customer.)

Customer: “Hi. I called you yesterday about a document you wanted to fax to me.”

Me: “Oh, yes. A coworker is already on it.”

Customer: “I know… He can stop now.”

Me: “Sorry, how do you mean?”

Customer: “Just this second I’m getting my 26th copy.”

(I quickly apologize and tell him I’ll take care of it, thinking there might be a malfunction with our fax device. I run to the room where it’s located planning to plug it off, only to find our new hire just punching in the number of the customer again.)

Me: “What are you doing?!”

New Hire: “I’m trying to fax this stupid thing but it always comes back out!”

Bleach Out This Experience

| OH, USA | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Health & Body

(I am the manager of a locally owned pizza/sandwich restaurant. As it goes in most places, I have a few good workers, several mediocre ones, and then there’s one woman who is the problem employee. Not because she’s lazy, but because it is seemingly impossible for her to do anything right.)

Problem Employee: *begins spraying bleach on the food table while food is being prepared*

Assistant Manager: “Hey! What are you doing?!”

Problem Employee: “Wiping down the tables before close?”

Assistant Manager: “You have to wait until I’m done making food on the table before you spray bleach on it.”

Problem Employee: “No, I don’t! Bleach won’t hurt food. It’s perfectly safe!”

Assistant Manager: “So let me get this straight. You’re saying that it won’t be a problem if you spray bleach on these subs?”

Problem Employee: “Well, yeah.”

Assistant Manager: “Okay, then. Drink it. If you don’t think it will poison food, then drink it.”

Problem Employee: *sudden look of realization and embarrassment as she runs away to hide in the back room*

You Need To Bring Some ID, Copy?

| USA | Employees, Extra Stupid, Military

(I recently got a new job on a military base. I lock my keys in my car on base and start looking for a locksmith. I happen to find one that says they work on base, so I call and set an appointment. The locksmith calls me to say he’s on his way. I assume that they have a way to get on base by themselves.)

Locksmith: “Oh, and can you tell me how to get on? The gate I usually take is closed.”

(I direct him to the next closest gate, again assuming he can get on by himself.)

Locksmith: “And can you meet me at the gate? I only have a copy of my ID on me and I don’t know if they’ll take it.”

Me: “Uh… how? You’re coming here to get my keys out of my car.”

Locksmith: “Well, the last few times I’ve come here I had them meet me at the gate so I can get on.”

Me: “Sir, I can’t. I don’t have any means of transportation.”

Locksmith: “Ok. Well, I’ll try my ID. But you should see about sponsoring me.”

(I have personally never done this and don’t even know if I have the clearance to do so.)

Me: “Well, let’s see what they say and I’ll look into it.”

(He hangs up but then calls a few minutes later.)

Locksmith: “Yeah, I couldn’t get on. They directed me to [other gate].”

Me: “Yes, that’s where the visitor’s center is. I’ll look up sponsoring while you get there.”

(He hangs up again and I call the visitor’s center on sponsoring and get the info. He calls back.)

Locksmith: “Okay, I’m here, but there’s a long line.”

Me: “Yeah, it gets crazy. Anyway I figured it out, you have your ID right?”

Locksmith: “It’s just a copy.”

Me: “No, I mean your driver’s license.”

Locksmith: “Yeah, it’s just a copy.”

(I know he said it earlier, but I had assumed he meant his military ID or something like that since we have a large number of dependents and retired members. It was then that he told me he had no photo ID on him whatsoever. I then told him I could not sponsor him and they simply won’t let him on. I was pretty angry and annoyed at this point because I spent an hour giving directions and figuring out sponsoring. I called the company and cancelled my request and when they asked why, I relayed this story. They were not pleased and did not charge me any fees, thankfully, and said they would speak with him. I was able to get my car unlocked by another company contracted with the base.)

Directing Us Into Another Recession

| Salford, England, UK | Bosses & Owners, Extra Stupid, Money

(I work for a financial leasing firm which deals with a major electronics store. In this company we have two directors who like to think they know our jobs better than we do. In reality, they do little more than interfere and make an a** of themselves to the extent our manager has told us to ignore them. One day when dealing with an application from a store, one of the in-store advisors calls us to see why customer has failed ID check. After asking a couple of questions it appears that the customer only just moved address and hasn’t had to time to update everything. Happily he agrees to come back and do it in 30 days. When I get off the phone I see both directors sitting on either side of me shaking their heads.)

Me: “Err… Hi!”

Director #1: “What was all that about?”

Director #2: “Why didn’t you process that?”

Me: “We couldn’t ID him. He had only just moved house and not everything was updated.”

Director #1: “So why weren’t you more helpful?”

Director #2: “Surely there other ways of getting around this; what is the normal process?”

Me: “Well, if we can’t ID someone then we can’t proceed to a credit check, and that could potentially be fraud if we ignored it.”

(The two directors just look at each other, then one of them stares at me like I am a complete moron.)

Director #1: “I’m concerned here…”

Director #2: “We should be processing EVERYTHING that comes through. You can’t just turn clients away.”

Me: “I understand, but we have protocol to follow to prevent fraud because there have been a couple of reported case over the last year!”

Director #1: “But how is it practical to deny a customer finance?”

(I don’t bother answering because I am honest confused; what do they want here?)

Director #2: “Right, here’s what YOU are going to do. You will pass all those details onto [Credit Manager] and get her to process this and will personally call this person to apologize!”

Me: “But we can’t—”

Director #1: “Don’t argue, just send it. We’ll wait here so we make sure it’s done.”

(I send the details to the credit manager, who loathes these two even more than I do. Within minutes of doing so she is walking across the room looking very annoyed.)

Credit Manager: “Why are you bothering [My Name] with this? This can’t be processed!”

Director #1: “We have to make sure that—”

Credit Manager: “Look, why do you think we have these measures in place? TO PREVENT FRAUD!”

Director #2: “We just think what’s being done here isn’t practical.”

Credit Manager: “And approving finance to a guy we can’t identify is? Seems a little skewed in my opinion, lads!”

(Immediately the two of them go quiet, one of the directors refuses to look at her.)

Credit Manager: “Why don’t you let [My Name] just do his work? There are other deals we can actually process.”

(The two directors hightail it away muttering to each. The credit manager just shakes her head in disbelief.)

Credit Manager: “Couple of bloody idiots!”

(From then on our manager told them that if they had a problem they were to take it up with her, not just confront the staff directly. Those two never spoke to us again.)

Milking Their Ignorance

| San Jose, CA, USA | Employees, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(After doing some shopping, I stop in the in-store coffee shop to get a drink.)

Barista #1: “Hi! What can I get you?”

Me: “Can I please have a medium mocha with non-fat milk?”

Barista #1: “Sure thing!”

(Barista #2 starts making my drink, then turns to Barista #1.)

Barista #2: “I wonder what the difference is between non-fat and low fat.”

Barista #1: “Yeah, I dunno. Maybe there isn’t a difference.”

Me: “Uh… I’m pretty sure low fat milk has just a little bit of milk fat, and non-fat milk has no fat.”

Barista #2: “Oh, I guess that makes sense.”