Category: Extra Stupid

Name Drain

| CA, USA | Employees, Extra Stupid

(I’m calling to cancel my department store credit card.)

Me: “I’d like to close my account, please.”

Agent: “Can I get your name, sir?”

Me: *gives name*

Agent: “Now, Mr. [My Name], to whom do I have the pleasure of speaking?”

Me: *face-palm*

Half-Witted By A Half-Dozen

| San Antonio, TX, USA | At The Checkout, Employees, Extra Stupid, Math & Science

(I go to the register and ask for a half-dozen doughnuts. The cashier looks at her manager.)

Cashier: “She wants six, right?”

(The poor manager had a look of pure shock on his face and just answered “yes.”)

Overhelp Overkill

| KS, USA | Bosses & Owners, Extra Stupid

(Our store has a team of about 20 people who come in early in the morning to unload the day’s shipment and restock. They work their way around the store like a wave, always within a few aisles of each other. Right before the store opens, we have a meeting.)

Store Manager: “We’ve been getting low survey scores lately, and we think that part of the problem is that the unload team isn’t customer focused. From now on, our policy is that you offer to help every customer you see. I’ll be working with you this morning so I can watch how well you do.”

Unload Team Member #1: “What if someone else has already asked?”

Store Manager: “Unless you were standing right next to them, go ahead and ask again, just in case.”

Unload Team Member #2: “Won’t people get sick of being asked over and over whether they need help?”

Store Manager: “The surveys say this is the kind of service people are looking for when they shop here. You’re just being helpful! What could be wrong with that?”

(About 15 minutes later, a customer wanders into the aisle where Store Manager] is working.)

Store Manager: *loudly, obviously trying to set an example* “Can I help you find something?”

Customer: “Are you f****** kidding me? You are the sixth person to ask me that already, and I haven’t even been in the store ten minutes yet. In the last aisle, I got asked by three different people! Why can’t you people just leave me the f*** alone and let me do my shopping on my own like an adult? If I hear one more employee asking me if they can help me find something, I’m gonna drop my basket right there in the middle of the aisle and leave. No! No, I do not need help!”

(Oddly, the new policy was never spoken of again.)

In A Vegetative State, Part 2

| London, England, UK | At The Checkout, Employees, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(It’s well past midnight; my partner and I have been travelling for over an hour and we have each had an incredibly long day. There is a well-known fast-food place at the end of my road, and as we’re both starving we decide to go get some food. The place is empty. He just wants a couple of orders of fries but I fancy a burger. They only offer two vegetarian burgers: the spicy vegetarian deluxe and the regular vegetarian deluxe. I go to order.)

Cashier: “Hi, how can I help you today?”

Me: “Hi, I’d like a spicy vegetable deluxe burger.”

Cashier: “Which one?” *this isn’t the first time I’ve ordered the spicy version, so I’m well used to them clarifying the type I want*

Me: “The spicy one.”

Cashier: “The buffalo one?”

Me: “No, the spicy vegetable deluxe burger.”

Cashier: “The Texas one?”

Me: “No, the vegetable deluxe.” *points to it on the menu board*

Cashier: “Oh, you want a wrap?”

Me: “No, a vegetarian burger. Right there.” *I point*

Cashier: *looks confused* “Vegetarian?”

Me: “Made of vegetables? No meat?”

Cashier: *more confused looks*

Me: *seeing this is getting me nowhere* “Forget it. I’ll just get three large fries, to take away, please.”

Cashier: “So just the fries?” *enters one portion into the till*

Me: “Three portions, please.” *hold up three fingers*

Cashier: *looks confused*

(At this point another cashier comes over.)

Cashier #2: “She wants three large fries.”

Cashier: “Oh, okay.” *inputs in the till and I finally pay*

(I always try and be patient with people who are new to the job, or people who may speak English as a second language — I don’t see the point in giving people a hard time if they’re still learning — but this woman wasn’t wearing a trainee badge, and was clearly as English as I am.)

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In A Vegetative State

Taxing Faxing Over And Over

| Germany | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Technology

(We recently hired a new guy to help out in the office, though mostly with mundane tasks. In his application he stated that he has 10+ years of experience working in an office. On his first day I ask him to fax a document to a customer. Several minutes later I get a call from said customer.)

Customer: “Hi. I called you yesterday about a document you wanted to fax to me.”

Me: “Oh, yes. A coworker is already on it.”

Customer: “I know… He can stop now.”

Me: “Sorry, how do you mean?”

Customer: “Just this second I’m getting my 26th copy.”

(I quickly apologize and tell him I’ll take care of it, thinking there might be a malfunction with our fax device. I run to the room where it’s located planning to plug it off, only to find our new hire just punching in the number of the customer again.)

Me: “What are you doing?!”

New Hire: “I’m trying to fax this stupid thing but it always comes back out!”