Category: Coworkers


The Cake Is A Thigh

| Atlanta, GA, USA | Coworkers, Health & Body, Language & Words

(Someone left a cake in the break room.)

Coworker #1: “Are you gonna have some cake?”

Coworker #2: “No, I’d better not.”

Coworker #1: “Come on, you know you want it.”

Coworker #2: “Yeah, but my butt is saying ‘no.’”

Coworker #1: “No, your butt ain’t saying that. It’s saying ‘eat me’!”

Me: “Ew!”

Coworker #1: *gasp* No! I meant ‘eat it’! Eat the cake! Eat the cake!”


Left Holding The Baby

| Winnipeg, MB, Canada | Coworkers, Health & Body

(I’m pregnant with my first child. The baby’s due date is December 9, 1994, which happens to be a Friday. Wanting to get as much mileage out of my maternity leave as possible, I work until December 9. Like many pregnant women, I have gotten a lot of “Haven’t you had that baby yet?” and “You’re so huge! You must be having twins!” I take most of it in good grace, but I finally reach my breaking point that day.)

Me: *gets in elevator*

Jerk Coworker: “You’re so huge! I can’t believe you haven’t had that baby yet!”

Me: “Nope, still here.”

Jerk Coworker: “When are you due, anyway?”

Me: *gives slasher smile* “Today.”

Jerk Coworker: “Um, what? Today? Should you be here?”

Me: “Oh, you know; I like to live life on the edge.”

Jerk Coworker: *starts looking very nervous*

Me: “Oh, boy. Was that a contraction? I’d hate to have my baby in this elevator.”

(At that moment the doors opened, and he was gone before I could say another word.)


White Lies Matter

| Baton Rouge, LA, USA | Bigotry, Coworkers

Coworker: “So, I tried to tell a little white lie.”

Me: “Why does it have to be a WHITE lie?”

Coworker: “Because when y’all tell them, they believe you.”

Me: “Touché.”


Fulfilling Your Marching Orders

| USA | Coworkers

(My coworker and I are setting up cones in a parking lot.)

Me: “How far does this one need to be?”

Coworker: “60 feet.”

Me: “Got it!” *carefully lines up, and then marches exactly 60 feet before setting the cone down*

Coworker: “We need to measure that! It has to be exactly 60 feet.”

Me: “It is. But I’ll help you measure if you want.”

Coworker: *takes out his tape measure and, with me holding the starting end, checks the distance*

Me: “How much was I off?”

Coworker: *mutters something, then laughs* “Less than an inch.”

Me: “Never again are you allowed to mock marching band. It’s been more than a decade since I graduated, and I can still march a perfect 8 to 5.”


I Stand Alone Among These Movies

| ID, USA | Coworkers, Movies & TV

(My coworker is in charge of the content on the TV screens that play at the main doors of the library, showing new releases, upcoming programs, and inspirational book-related quotes in a slideshow format. He also selects music to accompany said slideshows, and one month he decides to go with Disney music.)

Coworker: “Last week I did popular Disney songs, so this week I’m thinking of going with more obscure ones.”

Me: “Oh really? Like which ones?”

Coworker: “For one, I was thinking ‘I Stand Alone’ from ‘Quest For Camelot.’”

Me: “Um… that’s not a Disney movie.”

Coworker: “It’s not? I could have sworn it was.”

Me: “Nope. Warner Brothers made it, I think.”

Coworker: “Oh… well, another one I was thinking was ‘Once Upon a December’ from…”

Me: “’Anastasia’ isn’t Disney either.”

Coworker: “Really? What about ‘Swan Princess’?”

Me: “Not Disney.”

Coworker: “Dang it. Now you’re gonna tell me ‘The Black Cauldron’ isn’t Disney either.”

Me: “Actually, that one is.”

Coworker: “Dang it!”

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