Category: Coworkers

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Dishing Out Just Desserts

| London, England, UK | Coworkers, Family & Kids

(It’s six o’clock in the evening at the end of a long day. We are short staffed on a normal day, but this morning we had one coworker call in sick and another had to leave due to a personal emergency, leaving only four staff members and the business consultant (B.C.), who has no formal childcare qualifications but does have First Aid. At this point, two of my coworkers have gone home so it is just me, my coworker, and the B.C., with five children left to go home. There are some dirty dishes left over from tea time and everyone is feeling too lazy to do them.)

Coworker: “[My Name], [B.C.], there are still dishes from tea to be washed up. I can’t leave the room because I’m the only qualified practitioner, so…” *gives us a joking/evil grin*

Business Consultant: *laying down in the corner, half asleep* “I’m First Aid, I can’t leave the room either. [My Name] it’s down to you. Have fun!”

Me: “Well, I have a child on my lap, so…” *looks at child and stage-whispers* “Hey, [Child], cough and pretend you’re ill.”

Child: *looks at me and clears his throat a few times* “I can’t do it. I’ll do it later when you wash the dishes.”

Me: *shocked and laughing* “[Child]! I can’t believe you’d dob me in like that!”

(Coworker and B.C. were almost falling over laughing at me being sassed by a three-year-old.)

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They’re In No Mood

| OR, USA | Bad Behavior, Coworkers

(I’m pretty grouchy in the mornings, but I don’t like to ruin others’ day, so when I need to interact with people I make a point of psyching myself up and putting on a cheery grin. This happened last time I did that.)

Me: “Good morning!”

Clerk: “No such thing.”

Me: “I’d like to get these rotary blades sharpened.”

Clerk: *sigh* “It just got worse. If they’re chipped we won’t do them. You can pick them up tomorrow because I’m NOT dealing with them during store hours.”

Me: “Um… okay.”

(The mood dissonance was so big I couldn’t stop laughing after I left. She was a lot happier when I went back the next day; I guess I caught her on a bad one.)

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Trying To Read It In Blackest Night

| Atlanta, GA, USA | Coworkers, Geeks Rule

(It’s St. Patrick’s Day.)

Coworker: “Hey, [My Name]. Why aren’t you wearing green?”

(I point to my shirt.)

Coworker: “That’s not green, it’s brown.”

Me: “It’s forest green.”

Coworker: “Oh. Sorry. You know I’m colorblind.”

Me: “It’s a Green Lantern shirt!”

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A Sweet Thought(less)

| UK | Coworkers, Food & Drink, Money

(A colleague has broken her arm and a few others are doing a collection to get her a present and a card.)

Colleague #1: “I don’t know what we should get. Can you help me decide?”

Colleague #2: “I’ve got two minutes before my meeting. How much money do we have?”

Colleague #1: “Uhh… five pounds… thirty.”

Colleague #2: “What about a chocolate selection box?”

Colleague #1: “That’s not very thoughtful…”

Colleague #2: “Well, with two minutes and five pounds thirty, that’s as much thought as you’re gonna get from me!”

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Pumpkins: The Hate Is Real

| NJ, USA | Coworkers, Food & Drink

(I work at a courtesy desk for a grocery store. It’s the day before Halloween and we ran out of pumpkins. We got calls and questions all day asking if we had pumpkins for sale. After work, I decide to call the courtesy desk to mess with my coworker.)

Coworker: *picks up phone* “[Location] [Store]. [Coworker] speaking.”

Me: “Yes, do you guys sell pumpkins?”

Coworker:” No, we don’t sell them, [My Name].”

Me: “But [Competing Store] sells pumpkins.”

Coworker: “Then why don’t you buy them and bring them here so we can sell them?”

Me: “But why don’t you guys have them?”

Coworker: “Because we hate our customers. Have a nice day.” *hangs up*