Category: Coworkers

Trying To Get Yourself Eggs-communicated

| Australia | Coworkers, Food & Drink, Pun

(My coworker tried to warm up an egg in the microwave, not realising the egg would explode. We laughed about it and moved on. An hour later I realised something…)

Me: “Hey… hey, [Coworker]? Your egg… it eggsploded.”

We’re All Buddies Here

| Grand Rapids, MI, USA | Coworkers

(This exchange happens entirely over walkie-talkie. It’s about 20 minutes until close.)

Coworker #1: “Okay, guys, just a reminder, make sure to use the buddy system when you’re leaving tonight.”

Coworker #2: “Why, is there a boogey-man in the parking lot?”

Coworker #1: “Well, there’s been some shady people out there, I guess.”

Coworker #3: “That’s super encouraging…”

Coworker #4: *who has just recently returned to work now that the school year has ended* “Are you sure you didn’t just see your reflection in a car window, [Coworker #1]?”

(I can hear Coworker #2 laughing hard before getting on the walkie.)

Coworker #2: “Oh, we’ve missed you!”

Where’s Irony?

| Australia | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers

(I work at a school. Both my coworker and I are sitting at desks silently working on computers.)

Coworker: *starts laughing*

Me: *shoots coworker a strange look*

Coworker: “We’ve just been sent an email asking if anyone has seen the ‘Where’s Wally?’ books, because they’ve gone missing.”

(The best part is that the email was legit. They did eventually find the books.)

That Explanation Will Go Viral

| Australia | Coworkers, Non-Dialogue, Technology

Working at a computer company, a customer brings in a computer to have a virus removed. We remove the virus and scan the rest of the system to make sure all traces of it are gone. Now, this particular virus is known to come from porn sites so to warn the customer without making them feel embarrassed we say to be careful what websites are accessed with the computer.

Then a few days later the same customer brings the computer back in with the same virus, accusing us of not removing it, and demands that we remove it without them paying. I remove the virus again, scan the system again, print out the Internet cache of websites that the computer has accessed in the past 24 hours (including some kinky-but-not-illegal searches on a couple of porn sites), and then give the system with the evidence to the front desk staff to give to the customer when they come back. Later in the day, I hear raised voices out the front and I know it is that customer when I hear, “I don’t go to porn sites and the only other person who uses this computer is my partner.”

The customer would have learnt something new about their partner that day if it weren’t for the salespeople saving things by telling the customer that sometimes viruses can access the porn sites.

Yeah, that’s how it works: the porn sites come from the virus, not the other way around.

Too Late To Make It Too Late

| Wellington, New Zealand | Coworkers, Time

(We have just ‘gone live’ with our new product, so our team is having to sort out work hours for the next couple of weeks while we get used to dealing with customers calling in. Until now, hours have been pretty chill — as long as you work your standard eight sometime between regular work hours, it doesn’t really matter when you start and finish your work day. Now, we’re having to be a bit more structured, just until we get some more employees. This conversation happened at the first meeting to discuss the hours.)

Team Lead: “Okay, guys, are there any times that you can’t work?”

Coworker #1: “I’d prefer the early starts.”

Me: “I need to finish at about 4:30 on [Day #1], [Day #2], and [Day #3], as I have a class that I need to get to. That said, I’m happy to work until 5:30 on the other two days, no issue.”

Coworker #2: “Oh, man, I’m not bothered at all; put me wherever. It’s really not a problem. I’m totally cool.”

Team Lead: “Excellent, so [Coworker #1], you can be on earlies, [My Name], if you can do the lates on those two days when you don’t have a class, and [Coworker #2], if you can do the lates on the days that [My Name] can’t, we should be away.”

Coworker #2: “Okay… Well, um, will [Coworker #1] and I be switching around on a weekly basis so that I can finish early some days as well? Because that’s not really, you know… I mean, me working the lates all the time.”

Me: “But you said you didn’t mind! And one of my days to work the late is Friday, your big party night, so what’s the problem?”

Coworker #2: “Oh, nothing. I really don’t care. It’s just… yeah, will we be on a rotation or something?”

(This carries on for about five minutes: Coworker #2 insisting he doesn’t care, but at the same time making it blatantly obvious that he doesn’t want to do the ‘late’ shift, which is not that late.)

Coworker #1: “Oh, for f*** sake, [Coworker #2]. We can switch it out. Relax. Stop worrying about it. We’ll sort things out. Jesus.”

(He then walked out. He’s generally a pretty chill guy, but this was clearly too much.)