Category: Coworkers

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Politically Incorrect

| Yorkshire, England, UK | Bigotry, Coworkers, Politics

(My dad used to volunteer for a political party that’s usually associated with middle-class and white-collar voters. Dad came from a working-class family but has a fairly ‘posh’ accent, so people in the party tended to think he was middle-class, too. He is just returning from doing door-to-door canvassing when he bumps into another volunteer.)

Volunteer: “How did it go?”

Dad: “I tried [Rough Council Estate] and [Affluent Area] today.”

Volunteer: *looking aghast* “You actually went to that estate?! Ugh, I’m surprised they didn’t try to mug you on the doorstop. I wouldn’t dare go there with all those teenage mothers and drug dealers and who-knows-what.”

Dad: “It honestly didn’t seem that bad.”

Volunteer: “No, no no. It’s not really safe on your own, and I doubt they’d even understand the campaign anyway. I don’t mean to be rude, but they aren’t especially intelligent.”

Dad: “Nobody wanted to support the campaign, but they were all quite polite about it.”

Volunteer: “Well, I find that rather hard to believe. People on those estates use such vulgar language, and they teach it to their children, too. It’s no wonder they grow up illiterate and going to state schools. Stop wasting your time there. I’m sure you had more luck in [Affluent Area]?”

Dad: *pleasantly* “Actually, the first house I visited was on your street. Mr [Volunteer], in the lovely five bedroom house? I distinctly remember him telling me to ‘get the f*** off my f****** property before I call the f****** police, you f****** t***.’ He tried to throw a shoe at me. It really took the wind out of my sails, so I thought I’d end things there for the day.”

Volunteer: *embarrassed* “Oh. Well. I suppose… these things… sometimes… happen. Perhaps it was a bad day? Um, I’m sure you’ll have better luck next time!” *rushes off*

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Deaf To Reason, Part 5

| Ottawa, ON, Canada | Bad Behavior, Coworkers, Health & Body

(I am hard of hearing and while I can hear and communicate with others if they are around me, using telephones or any devices where I am unable to see the speaker is a bit of a train wreck. My boss and manager are well aware of this fact, and assured me that I wouldn’t be expected to take any orders by phone. I’ve been working there long enough now that almost all my coworkers know about this arrangement, but one coworker doesn’t seem to quite understand and constantly complains that I’m just lazy. On this day the manager has stepped outside, so it’s just the two of us when the phone rings.)

Me: *already busy with an order* “[Coworker]! Phone!”

Coworker: “You heard it first. You get it!”

Me: “That’s not how it works. [Manager] is out and I can’t use the phone, so you’re the only one who can grab it.”

Coworker: *huffs* “I can’t believe how lazy you are! You always push this on everyone else so you don’t have to work as hard!”

Me: “No. Not only am I currently busy with an order but I also have no training to take phone orders, so even if I could miraculously use the phone I wouldn’t know how correctly input the order in the system and we would lose a sale.”

(He huffs and answers the phone, clearly not convinced. After he finishes taking the order and comes back.)

Coworker: “See?! I don’t get why you make such a big deal of this! You can clearly hear me talking to you so it’s really no different. I bet you’re just pretending to be deaf so you don’t have to work as hard.”

Me: “Um, it’s completely different. For one, I’m hard of hearing, not deaf, and I doubt anyone would want to fake not being able to hear because it absolutely sucks. I have no training whatsoever to take phone orders, so I make up for this by doing extra work around the store to balance it out. We’re in a enclosed area with very little background noise, unlike on a phone where the signal can cut out words and the line can hum loudly and drown out the customer on the other end. Not only that but the quality of the sound through a phone is very artificial to me. Also, I can read your lips and body language because I can see you to fill in the blanks, and I can’t do that over a phone. Anytime I’m forced to use a phone or device where I have to rely 100% on my hearing, I end up asking the other person to repeat themselves a LOT and still miss tons of information. So no, it’s actually extremely different from talking to a person in real time.”

Coworker: “You’re just lazy! There’s no way you can hear me but not use a phone!”

(I gave up and ignored the rest of his rant how I was faking my hearing impairment just to get out of doing my job. He eventually complained to our boss with this belief that I was pretending to have hearing problems to get out of work. She chewed him though and asked him if he seriously thought that anyone would actually pretend to be deaf for the fun of it. He was fired not too long after that.)

Related:
Deaf To Reason, Part 4
Deaf To Reason, Part 3
Deaf To Reason, Part 2

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Throw In A Few Pun-kin Seeds

| Orlando, FL, USA | Coworkers, Pun

(I am well-known for making puns/bad jokes. I have to go check a room for a guest that checked out but it still staying nearby, specifically looking for food and finding a few different varieties of potato chips and one stick of butter in the fridge.)

Me: “Here’s everything.”

Coworker: “They made you go into the room just for chips? Jeez, man, that’s nuts. That is completely nuts.”

Me: “No, [Coworker], they’re chips. They’re clearly chips.”

(Cue groan/half-hearted laugh from Coworker.)

Coworker: *sarcastically* “Oh, [My Name], you’re on a roll.”

Me: “I know. That’s why I brought the butter.”

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Payback Puns

| Little Rock, AK, USA | Coworkers, Pets & Animals, Pun

(I work in a large warehouse where the environment is pretty informal, as we don’t interact directly with customers. My supervisor and I are talking with a trainer who is checking up on a new hire when the subject of pets comes up.)

Trainer: “I have a new puppy. I named her Sonya.”

Supervisor & Me: “After Sonya Blade?”

Trainer: “Yeah. She’s tough and fit, just like Sonya Blade.”

Me: “You should have named her Payback. It’s the perfect name for a female dog.”

Trainer: “Really? And why is that?”

Me: “Because Payback’s a b****.”

Trainer: *facepalms* “I’m going to see how the new hire is doing.”

Supervisor: *after he stops laughing* “That was great!”

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One-Upper (Into Orbit)

| Australia | Coworkers

(I am working part time while waiting to hear if I have been accepted to medical school. I have just found out that I was successful but it requires me to move two thousand kilometres away. I have given my notice.)

Coworker: “So why did you quit?”

Me: *overly excited* “I am moving to [City] to become a doctor!”

(Beat.)

Coworker: “Well I’m moving to [Other City] to become an astronaut!”