Category: Coworkers


Maybe They Just Used The Bag Instead

| USA | At The Checkout, Coworkers, Employees, Rude & Risque

(So I just recently started working at a store. I’ve only been working a few days when a couple comes up and has condoms. I forget to put them in with their other items.)

Me: “Oh, darn. I forgot to bag their condoms.”

Coworker: “You just ruined their night, man.” *a few months later I see the same couple*

Me: “Hey, you remember that couple that I forgot the condoms for? I just saw them…”

Coworker: “Was the girl pregnant?”


Looney Over Luna

| UK | Bosses & Owners, Coworkers, Movies & TV

(It’s been a busy day and we’re all taking a quick tea break. I and another colleague have gotten into a discussion about Harry Potter and the ‘Deathly Hallows Part One’ (which has just come out). I have read the books, my colleague has not.)

Colleague: “I was so upset about Dobby I had to leave. I was DISTRAUGHT!”

Me: “Yeah, it’s one of two times I cried reading the books.”

Colleague: “Oh, I’d never read them. I can’t imagine living through Dobby again.”

Me: “You might like them; there’s more of Dobby in the books.”

Colleague: “Really? I wonder how much they left out.”

Me: “Loads. My favourite part of Deathly Hallows was missed out of the movie as well.”

Colleague: “Oh, no, that’s awful!”

Me: “I know. It isn’t long, but it describes Luna’s bedroom, and how she has a mural or the trio and Neville on her ceiling, and a ribbon going around them made out of the word ‘friends.’”

Colleague: “Oh, that’s so sweet!” *I can see her tearing up*

Me: “Yeah, it really solidified her as a favourite character for me.”

Colleague: “That… she actually… had friends. And then she was… taken!” *by now there are streams down both sides of her cheeks*

Me: “Yeah, but she’s tough. She can survive anything. Are you looking forward to Part Two?”

Colleague: “…”

Me: “Umm, are you all right?”

Colleague: “I just… Luna.” *she grabs me* “PLEASE TELL ME SHE LIVES!”

Me: “Do you really want me to spoil it for you?”

Colleague: *near panic and clenching harder* “SHE DOESN’T, DOES SHE!?”

Me: *panicking myself now* “No, she lives! She lives!”

Colleague: *calming down but not loosening her grip* “Oh, thank GOD!”

(She eventually lets go but collapses on the floor sobbing into one of my legs. She is sent home before our break is over. Our manager comes in after seeing her off.)

Manager: “What did you do?”

Me: “I don’t know. We were just talking about Harry Potter.”

Manager: “Well, don’t do it again, and please, whatever you do: DO. NOT. MENTION. SIMBA!”

Me: “The Lion King?”

(My manager just wagged his finger at me as he left the room.)


An All-Consuming Business

| England, UK | Coworkers, Language & Words

(I’m looking at a mark-up of a transaction document. I’m having a bit of a slow moment and turn to my office mate.)

Me: “Hey, stupid question. Is consummation of an agreement when you sign it or when you complete the deal?”

Colleague: “Eh?”

Me: “It says, basically, ‘There are no agreements, etc. that will on consummation of this agreement provide a right to anyone, yada yada.’  Is that signing or completion?”

Colleague: “That’s a weird word to use. Well, I guess … when you get married, you sign the piece of paper. But you don’t consummate it till later. So being married is signing and consummation would be—”

Me: “The coming together of all the parties’ desires?”


Puns Are A Humor Staple

| ON, Canada | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Pun

(My coworker and I have a similar sense of humour.)

Coworker: *drops staples on the ground while trying to fill his stapler* “I guess shouldn’t have skipped stapling class!”

Me: “Oh! But it’s such a ‘staple’ of the curriculum!”

Coworker: “I tried to get out of gluing class, but I was stuck.”


Hogwarts School Of Journalism

| MA, USA | Coworkers, Crazy Requests, New Hires

(I am a writer and content editor for a company. The writing office is fairly small, so everyone can easily talk to each other without leaving their desks.)

Coworker #1: “Whoa!”

Me: “What’s up?”

Coworker #1: “Did you see the email we just got?”

Me: “No, I haven’t checked in the past ten minutes.”

Coworker #2: “Check your email. It has to be seen to be believed.”

(I check my email, and in it is a job application. Somehow, this person sent it to the whole office instead of just our boss. The letter starts off fairly normal, stating she went to school for journalism, but by the second sentence the applicant is claiming the reason no one will hire her is because she’s been cursed by a jealous Haitian witch. She lists all the ways the witch has ruined her life, including how she’s using witchcraft to mess with her phone, laptop, and Gmail account, lose her voice, lose her fingers, hands, and arms so she can’t type, and to get people to lie in court about her. I read through the letter it a few times, completely in shock.)

Me: “Good freaking lord.”

Coworker #2: “I’ve seen some weird applicants, but this is beyond insane.”

Coworker #1: “Is she for real? Maybe she made it up to show how creative she can be?”

Me: “If that’s the case, then she’s failed at that, too. Her writing is terrible! She constantly repeats herself, the sentence structure is sloppy, she’s giving us a billion reasons NOT to hire her, and she didn’t even give any references.”

Coworker #1: “Hey, [Boss], did you see this?”

Boss: “I read two sentences and deleted it. I have had more than enough crazy for the week.”

Me: “Yeah, this’ll fill your crazy quota real quick.”

Coworker #1: “Should we call her and find out if she’s for real?”

Me: “That’ll only encourage her. If she calls us, then you can be the one to talk to her. Otherwise, don’t engage the crazy lady.”

(The application went on our “Wall of Shame” to prove it really happened, and we have not heard from the cursed lady since.)