Category: Coworkers

Funny Because It’s True

| OK, USA | Coworkers, Lazy/Unhelpful

(I set up items in our system for salespeople to put on order. I have a conversation via email with a salesperson near the end of the day.)

Salesperson: “Please set up attached item?”

Me: “Can I do this tomorrow? I’m reading funny stuff online.”

Salesperson: “Sure.”

Me: “LOL! You believed me!”

Salesperson: “Well, it really can wait until tomorrow.”

Me: “Okay, good, because I really am reading funny stuff online.”

Caught Red Hot Chilli Pepper Handed

| WA, USA | Bad Behavior, Coworkers, Food & Drink, Non-Dialogue

We had a lunch thief where I was working.

One day I left my lunch in the fridge, and came in to find it sitting on the counter with one bite gone.

It was the strangest thing . . . just because that recipe called for 3-5 habanero peppers and 3 tablespoons of Tabasco, and the prime suspect in the theft hated spicy food!

I figure that just about took his head off.

And I never had anyone steal my lunch the rest of the time I was there!

Down For The Count

| OR, USA | Coworkers, Time

(My coworker has arrived at work but isn’t scheduled to start work for a few more minutes so he’s just standing around waiting out the clock. I am scheduled to clock out at the same time he’s scheduled to clock in.)

Coworker: *looks at phone* “Only eight hours to go.”

Me: “Counting hours before you even start work? That’s really pathetic.”

Coworker: “I know.”

Me: “Don’t worry. I’ve been counting minutes for the last three hours.”

Making A Bigger And Bigger Impact On Your Coworkers

| San Jose, CA, USA | Coworkers, Funny Names

(I work in the service department of a car dealership. There is an employee who works in Sales/Finance who is universally despised: he’s entitled, tries to get special treatment all the time, and often misleads customers in ways that end up throwing our department under the bus by making promises he and we cannot keep. He also has a habit of leaving cars, including his own personal car, in random places in the way of our operations – which he has just done again.)

Coworker #1: “So does he just think the whole dealership is his personal parking space?”

Me: “Apparently! He’s… kind of a douchebag.”

Coworker #1: “That’s a h*** of an understatement.”

Me: “Fine. He’s an ENORMOUS douchebag.”

Coworker #1: “Much better.”

Me: “He’s such a gigantic douchebag that every time he’s around, I feel lemony fresh.”

Coworker #1: “Lemony fresh! I love it!”

Me: “If an actual human-sized walking talking LITERAL douchebag walked in the door RIGHT NOW, we would have trouble telling the difference between him and [Salesman].”

Coworker #2: “No, we could EASILY tell the difference! If the two of them stood next to each other, [Salesman] would be the obviously BIGGER douchebag.”

Has Bad A Fattitude

| FL, USA | Bad Behavior, Coworkers, Health & Body

(This story is related to me by my friend, who is a personal trainer employed at a gym. It has the usual classes, which she teaches along with another trainer, and equipment. My friend is a bit of a real-life Disney princess… she seems to nice and cheerful to be real, but it’s not an act, and when she says things like how she loves to help people of all types and sizes meet whatever goals they have, she genuinely means it. She’s VERY popular with everyone at the gym as a result, and her classes tend to be full of people of every size due to her positive attitude and willingness to help and be patient. At the time of this story, it’s just after New Years, and she’s walking around the gym conducting an informal interview with a potential new trainer to replace her when she moves in a month. Since it’s the start of a new year, the place is packed with people trying to make good on their new resolutions.)

Applicant: “I bet it doesn’t normally look like this.”

Friend: “Huh?”

Applicant: “All these people jamming it up. It’s just because of New Year resolutions.”

Friend: “Oh, yeah, January is always jam-packed! I love it.”

Applicant: *stops and frowns at a pair of heavier women on the treadmills* “It’s all fake bull-s***. They’re going to drop it and be back at the buffet, and in the meantime they’re wasting my time and taking up the gym’s resources.”

Friend: “Uh… well… even if some of them don’t follow through, I think it’s important that we give them every opportunity we can, and all the tools to encourage them to stick with it. A friendly, welcoming atmosphere works wonders.”

Applicant: *makes an over-the-top yucky face* “I’m not here to kiss anyone’s ample a**, and if they don’t like it, they can call up the pizza delivery guy and cry about it.”

(Needless to say, my friend did not end up recommending the applicant get the job, and my friend was upset and angry about it for the rest of the week. With an attitude like that, I can’t IMAGINE why the applicant would see so many people stop coming to gyms around her.)