Category: Coworkers

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This Day Is Going Down Under

| Matamoras, PA, USA | Coworkers, Musical Mayhem

(I work at a fast food restaurant, when I hear a strange noise in the headset.)

Me: “What on earth was that?”

(The noise continues and one of my other coworkers has a plastic cup up to his mouth and is blowing/humming into it.)

Coworker #1: “It sounds like a didgeridoo.”

Coworker #2: “How about you didgeri-don’t?”

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Things Will Only Get Purse From Here

| WI, USA | Coworkers, Love/Romance, Rude & Risque

(I recently started my first job at a popular fast food chain. After clocking out of my third shift, I go into the back room to grab my things and find one of my coworkers digging through her purse.)

Coworker: “Ugh! I hate these things! I wish I could carry a wallet but my husband says they’re unladylike!”

Me: *without thinking* “Screw your husband!”

Coworker: *turns to look at me, deadpan* “Oh, believe me. I do.”

(She walked away as I began to wheeze with laughter.)

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High-Pressure Job

| Italy | Coworkers, Health & Body

(There’s a reorganization in progress at my company, which no one likes, and of which I’ve been openly critical. One morning I wake up with a terrible headache and find that the weather has changed during the night; in fact, it’s pouring. I take a painkiller and, some time later, I call in sick.)

Coworker: “Hello, this is [Company].”

Me: “Hi, it’s [My Name]. I’ll be coming to work late today. I’ve got a splitting headache.”

Coworker: “Oh, take it easy, poor thing. Must have been the change of the pressure…”

Me: “…or the pressure of the change.”

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Legal Fees Are Eternal

| UK | Coworkers, Language & Words

(I work as a nurse in a hospital. The phone at the nurses station rings, I pick up and it’s our ward clerk.)

Clerk: “Hi, I got Mr. [Patient]’s eternity on the phone.”

Me: “Who?!”

Clerk: “His eternity.”

Me: *thinking, is my patient dead and am I having an out-of-body experience right now?* “Um… put them through?”

Voice On The Phone: “Hello, I’m Mr. [Patient]’s solicitor. I’m calling to enquiry into…”

(After the phone call, I walk to the clerk’s desk.)

Me: “So, when you say eternity… Did you mean attorney?”

Clerk: “Oh, I can’t pronounce that word.”

Me: “Why can’t you just say lawyer?”

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You Can Swear By Her Behavior

| Bozeman, MT, USA | Coworkers, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

(My coworker has a HUGE potty mouth. It’s what she’s known for. Our phones and half the hotels on our side of town are having trouble with outside lines. We can answer and talk to people but not hear them. As I’m closing my shift I warn her about them and tell her they are being worked on.)

Me: “Oh, and the person calling can hear you so for the love of Pete, don’t swear at the phone!”

Coworker: “Well, s***! I’m gonna f*** that up!”

(The phones were fixed before she could.)