Category: Coworkers

The Appliance Of Awkward Science

| USA | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Love/Romance

(I work in a large research laboratory. Coworker #1 is more than a little socially awkward and has that reputation around the laboratory. I and Coworker #2 have just had a set-back on our research in a disease that we are both very passionate about making strides on, and it’s a project that our boss is really pushing. Coworker #2 is feeling somewhat discouraged and I’m trying to comfort him. Coworker #2 and I are also known for being extremely close, both personally and professionally.)

Me: “It’s okay. It doesn’t always work out. We knew that when we became research scientists.”

Coworker #2: “I know. I’m just not feeling optimistic about this right now. Besides, [Boss] is going to ticked, and now we can’t even meet the publication due date he wanted us to.”

(This is when Coworker #1 walks into our lab.)

Me: “Don’t worry. We’ve got months before the due date. We’ll think of something.”

Coworker #1: “Oh, my goodness! You guys are having a baby! That’s so exciting! I didn’t know you were… you know… with each other. Oh, I’m so excited that you’re having a baby!”

(We both stare at Coworker #1 for a bit.)

Coworker #2: “Yes. That’s exactly it. [My Name], the single, virgin, Mormon girl, and [His Name], the gay man, are having a baby together.”

Coworker #3: *who is doing their own work on another bench* “Well, we are scientists. We could make it happen if you wanted.”

You Have It All In Español

| USA | Coworkers, Language & Words

(I used to work as a front desk clerk in a hotel before switching to housekeeping. My coworkers hate their jobs, but I prefer it rather than dealing with crazy, demanding customers. I’m also bilingual, and this conversation is in Spanish.)

Coworker: “Why would you want to work as a housekeeper? You know English very well! This country discriminates against us Spanish speakers. If you don’t know English here, you can forget about getting a good job.”

Me: “Because I like this job.”

Coworker: “But why? If I knew English well, I’d be out of here so fast…”

Me: “Doing what?”

Coworker: “Huh?”

Me: “What kind of job would you do once you know English?”

Coworker: “I don’t know… A bank teller, I guess…”

(I tried to tell her how crazy the customers are, but she ignored me and demanded I teach her English! If she only knew…the grass as always greener on the other side, I suppose.)

Not A Cherry You Want To Pop

| AZ, USA | Coworkers, Health & Body

(I recently had a cyst in a very intimate place get infected and had to get antibiotics to treat it. Note that I also work in this particular pharmacy and all of us can be a little bit quirky about some things. This conversation happens when I go to pick up the antibiotic and my coworker asks me if I’ll be calling out of work for illness.)

Me: “Oh, no, I just got a cyst that’s infected.”

Coworker: *eyes light up* “Oh! If you go somewhere to get it popped, can you have them record it? I love watching the pus come out!”

Me: “Umm, it’s in a place you wouldn’t want to see.”

Coworker: “Oh.” *pause* “Just blur that part out!”

Me: “That IS the part!”

Registering Your Faith

| Chambersburg, PA, USA | Coworkers, Religion

(On a particularly slow evening at the registers, I get to witness the following between two fairly close coworkers.)

Coworker #1: *jokingly* “I swear I’m going to punch you!”

Coworker #2: “Do it! I dare you!”

(Coworker #2 then moves towards Coworker #1, at which point he picks up the order dividers for his lane and holds them in a cross shape.)

Coworker #2: “The power of Christ compels you! The power of Christ compels you!”

Coworker #1: “HA, I’M JEWISH!”

One Angry Girl, One Cup

, | San Antonio, TX, USA | Coworkers, Lazy/Unhelpful

(A few coworkers and I are sitting in the small back room of the restaurant/bakery where we work. We’re all friends and can insult each other without the other getting mad or offended. One of the girls wants a refill on her drink. She is known for being in a bad mood and is a self-proclaimed b****.)

Coworker #1: “[Coworker #2] can you get me a refill? I’ll give you a dollar.”

Coworker #2: *scoffs* “Get it yourself.”

Coworker #1: “But I’m tired and too lazy to do it myself.”

(She continues to whine about a refill and being tired for several minutes.)

Coworker #3: *having had enough of the whining* “Fine, I’ll do it. You don’t even have to give me a dollar.”

Coworker #1: “Fine, do it for free, then.”

(Coworker #3 takes the cup and starts walking out of the room.)

Coworker #2: *holding out his cup* “Well, since you’re already up…”

Coworker #3: “F*** you.”