Category: Coworkers

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The Fake Is Not A Lie

| Las Vegas, NV, USA | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(My business office is fairly nice, and we have an on-site French chef with his own kitchen and staff. They make all kinds of food for various events, one of which is the Friday staff lunch. They always have a variety of foods served buffet-style along with a variety of bite-sized dessert cakes and tarts. For some reason this Friday the dessert section doesn’t have the bite-size pieces, and instead has large round cakes from which people can take a slice. The cakes are labeled as ‘Raspberry Lemon Cake’ and are pink and yellow in color. I’m in line with a bunch of coworkers, ranging in age from 30ish to 50ish, when this gem happens:)

Coworker #1: “Ugh, just look at those things! Disgusting!”

Coworker #2: “What? The cakes? Yeah, I like it when there’s more variety and…”

Coworker #1: *cutting off Coworker #2* “No! I mean, they’re obviously so FAKE!”

Me: “What…? How is it fake? I mean it says ‘cake’ and it’s not a pie, or a tart. It pretty much looks like a cake.”

Coworker #1: “Just look at that color! That’s just so fake! Why can’t they serve real food!”

Me: “The pink and yellow? Well, it IS made with raspberries and lemons…”

Coworker #1: “Ugh! No, they just used raspberry and lemon flavoring! The color is so fake. It’s probably full of chemicals!”

Coworker #2: “Um, no, I’m pretty sure [Chef] insists on using fresh ingredients for everything.”

Me: “And raspberries are pink, after all.”

Coworker #1: “No, they’re not! Everyone knows real fruit juice is clear! They just add food-coloring to make it look like the fruit it comes from so people can tell them apart!”

Me: “What?! No. I’m pretty sure if you squish a raspberry, the juice is pink, because raspberries are pink. It’s a natural color.” *I then grab a slice of the cake, on top of which is a single fresh raspberry, and to prove my point, I squish the raspberry with my fork, and the juice from it runs down the plate, bright pinkish-red*

Me: “See? It’s just naturally that color.”

Coworker #1: “Eww! They even injected the food-coloring into the fruit?! Gross!”

(We both stare at her in disbelief.)

Coworker #2: “That’s not a thing!”

(At that point, I was speechless, so I just took my plate and headed back to my desk, leaving her to argue with our other coworker. I ate the ‘fake’ cake, too. It was delicious!)

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Bring It Up Just To Push You Down

| USA | Bad Behavior, Coworkers

(I work for one of the largest cruise lines in the world in one of the shore-side offices. We have recently hired two supervisors internally that come from different departments, one person who people aren’t particularly fond of. This exchange happens between me and another coworker, who despises this supervisor, had been on her team before, and has been assigned to her again. I should also mention I’m a part of an internship program to become a supervisor.)

Coworker: “I’m not happy at all.”

Me: “I can see that.”

Coworker: “I’m really not. She’s a terrible supervisor.” *proceeds to rant*

Me: “I can empathize. She’s nice, just doesn’t seem a great fit.”

Coworker: “Okay, but you can’t talk about that. You’re part of [Internship Program] and it’s unprofessional.”

Me: “…but you brought it up.”

Coworker: “Yeah, but I can talk about it. You can’t, though. People might be listening.”

Me: “…”

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The Appliance Of Awkward Science

| USA | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Love/Romance

(I work in a large research laboratory. Coworker #1 is more than a little socially awkward and has that reputation around the laboratory. I and Coworker #2 have just had a set-back on our research in a disease that we are both very passionate about making strides on, and it’s a project that our boss is really pushing. Coworker #2 is feeling somewhat discouraged and I’m trying to comfort him. Coworker #2 and I are also known for being extremely close, both personally and professionally.)

Me: “It’s okay. It doesn’t always work out. We knew that when we became research scientists.”

Coworker #2: “I know. I’m just not feeling optimistic about this right now. Besides, [Boss] is going to ticked, and now we can’t even meet the publication due date he wanted us to.”

(This is when Coworker #1 walks into our lab.)

Me: “Don’t worry. We’ve got months before the due date. We’ll think of something.”

Coworker #1: “Oh, my goodness! You guys are having a baby! That’s so exciting! I didn’t know you were… you know… with each other. Oh, I’m so excited that you’re having a baby!”

(We both stare at Coworker #1 for a bit.)

Coworker #2: “Yes. That’s exactly it. [My Name], the single, virgin, Mormon girl, and [His Name], the gay man, are having a baby together.”

Coworker #3: *who is doing their own work on another bench* “Well, we are scientists. We could make it happen if you wanted.”

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You Have It All In Español

| USA | Coworkers, Language & Words

(I used to work as a front desk clerk in a hotel before switching to housekeeping. My coworkers hate their jobs, but I prefer it rather than dealing with crazy, demanding customers. I’m also bilingual, and this conversation is in Spanish.)

Coworker: “Why would you want to work as a housekeeper? You know English very well! This country discriminates against us Spanish speakers. If you don’t know English here, you can forget about getting a good job.”

Me: “Because I like this job.”

Coworker: “But why? If I knew English well, I’d be out of here so fast…”

Me: “Doing what?”

Coworker: “Huh?”

Me: “What kind of job would you do once you know English?”

Coworker: “I don’t know… A bank teller, I guess…”

(I tried to tell her how crazy the customers are, but she ignored me and demanded I teach her English! If she only knew…the grass as always greener on the other side, I suppose.)

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Not A Cherry You Want To Pop

| AZ, USA | Coworkers, Health & Body

(I recently had a cyst in a very intimate place get infected and had to get antibiotics to treat it. Note that I also work in this particular pharmacy and all of us can be a little bit quirky about some things. This conversation happens when I go to pick up the antibiotic and my coworker asks me if I’ll be calling out of work for illness.)

Me: “Oh, no, I just got a cyst that’s infected.”

Coworker: *eyes light up* “Oh! If you go somewhere to get it popped, can you have them record it? I love watching the pus come out!”

Me: “Umm, it’s in a place you wouldn’t want to see.”

Coworker: “Oh.” *pause* “Just blur that part out!”

Me: “That IS the part!”