Category: Coworkers

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Clutching At Strawberries

| Chicago, IL USA | Coworkers, Food & Drink

(I notice some strawberries in our cooler that I had sliced the day before. They still looked good to eat, but I thought they might be too old to serve. I decided to check with the chef before I took them for a snack.)

Me: “[Chef], we can’t still use those sliced strawberries for anything, can we?”

Chef: “No, they’re already a day old. We can’t sell them.”

Me: “So, I can have them?”

Chef: “Yeah, sure. What do you need them for?”

Me: “For my stomach.”

Chef: “What’s wrong with your stomach?”

Me: “There’s no strawberries in it!”

(They were still delicious!)

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Not The Sharpest Arrow

| Phoenix, AZ, USA | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Technology

(I am covering the help desk for the usual guy that is out sick.)

Me: “Thank you for calling the help desk. How can I help you?”

Self-Important Coworker: “My computer has broken and I can’t work! This is the third time I’ve had to call in this week! Does anyone there know to actually fix anything!?”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry you’re having difficulties. If you can explain the issue you’re experiencing I can try to resolve it for you.”

Self-Important Coworker: “My mouse isn’t working! I’ve been working on this spreadsheet for four hours and it’s due by the end of the day! Now the mouse is stuck on the right side of the screen and I can’t get it to go back! If I’m late with this I’m going to tell my manager it’s your fault!”

(I get her information and remotely access her system.)

Me: “Okay. Can you show me where the problem is?”

(She clicks on the spreadsheet in the taskbar, so obviously the mouse is working.)

Self-Important Coworker: “Right here! Look! It’s on column 45! When I hit enter is just goes down!”

(Without thinking about it, I hold down the left-arrow key and scroll back to column one. Before I have a chance to say anything she chimes back in.)

Self-Important Coworker: “Whoa, whoa, whoa! How did you do that?!”

Me: “Uh, I just hit the left arrow key on the keyboard.”

Self-Important Coworker: “Oh.”

Me: “You can also scroll with the arrows.” *demonstrate by clicking on the scroll bar* “Does that solve your issue?”

Self-Important Coworker: “Um, yeah. Thanks.”

Me: *face-palm* “Thank you for calling.”

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Girl De-Power

| UK | Bad Behavior, Coworkers

(I’m a female administrative assistant in an open plan office, for a big company. Coworker #1, who is female, is a very high-up manager, and is waiting to go into a meeting while she chats to Coworker #2, also female, and a mid-level manager. Both are in their 30s, and very fashionable looking.)

Coworker #1: “I’ve got a [Project] meeting with the board of directors. I hate these things. It’s such a sausage party! Have we ever had a female director yet?”

Coworker #2: “Probably not. It’s such a boys’ club. Letting a woman in would shake up their way of thinking too much.”

Coworker #1: “If we all worked together, I bet we could pressure them into making the board a little more diverse. Girl power, and all that! Maybe I could be on the board. I’m already working on [Important Project].”

Coworker #2: “Hmm… I forgot, isn’t [Coworker #3] kind of on the board?”

(Note: Coworker #3 is another high-level manager, filling in temporarily on the board because of an ongoing vacancy. She’s in her 50s-60s, a large woman, and a frumpy dresser.)

Coworker #1: “[Coworker #3]? Ha, she barely counts as female, does she?!”

Coworker #2: “That’s true. Have you seen her?! She’s probably more of a man than the rest of the board combined.”

(They started laughing about it and made other nasty comments about her appearance. Yeah, nice to see that ‘girl power’ at work, ladies. Several months later, Coworker #3 officially became a board member. Too bad I didn’t get to see those two jerks’ reaction to the news.)

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A Grating Subject

| UK | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers

(A coworker and I are chatting at my desk for a moment. We are both female, and my male boss walks by and overhears part of our conversation.)

Me: “You need to hold it really firmly, and that grosses me out because it’s so squishy.”

Coworker: “But it tastes so yummy.”

(I notice my boss giving us a strange look.)

Me: “We’re talking about grating cheese. The feeling weirds me out.”

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Alpha-Betting On You Doing It For Them

| Northern Ireland, UK | Coworkers, Extra Stupid

(I’m a senior receptionist, and I get two brand-new coworkers. Neither of them are “particularly bright.” I am alphabetizing some files, and mid-task my boss phones reception.)

Boss: “[My Name], I’m about to leave the office to get on a plane, but I’m supposed to go to a meeting. Will you go instead and take notes for me?”

Me: “Sure. Where’s the meeting?”

(She tells me, and I turn to my new coworkers. They are both sitting at the same computer, chatting and not even pretending to work.)

Me: “[Coworker 1], [Boss] asked me to go to a meeting for an hour. Can you finish alphabetizing these cards while I’m gone?”

Coworker: “Okay, I suppose so.”

(It’s mostly finished when I leave; the rest would take about 15 minutes at the most. I go to the meeting and come back an hour and a half later. Guess what? It’s not finished.)

Me: *eye-twitching* “Did you get a chance to finish these cards?”

Coworker: “No, I forgot the alphabet half-way through.”

(I turned around and walked out of reception right there. Not only was that an excuse designed to make her look stupid, but the whole time I was gone SHE WAS SITTING IN FRONT OF A FUNCTIONAL COMPUTER. Even if she had a mind blank, she could have gone online and searched for the alphabet! I moved away a few months later, and found out from a different coworker that she was fired a little after I left.)