Category: Coworkers

Can’t Have Your Cake And Eat It

| OK, USA | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Health & Body

(I’ve been diabetic type 1 since I was eleven, but my coworkers think they know how to manage diabetes better than I do. They’re always very uneducated about diabetes, but this coworker took the cake. This happened during my break on a slow evening.)

Coworker: “I hate needles. If I had diabetes, I would eat whatever I wanted anyway!”

Me: “I would too, but I’d like keep my limbs and organs.”

Coworker: “That can happen?!”

Me: “What did you think would happen if I just stopped taking insulin?!”

Coworker: *grabs the cake I was eating* “Oh, then you CAN’T have this!”

(I told you she took the cake.)

Cocoa Crazy

| AK, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Health & Body

(I’m the weird one in this story. For Valentine’s Day, my girlfriend gives me chocolate-scented hand lotion, which smells almost EXACTLY like chocolate truffles and lasts for hours. I put some on before work and am still pretty excited over it, as I love chocolate.)

Me: *runs up to my coworkers* “Guys! Guys! Smell my hand!”

(My coworkers all stare blankly at me as I shove my hand towards them.)

Coworker #1: “…I feel like we’re missing some context.”

Coworker #2: “And this is a very WEIRD way to start my shift.”

When Loyalty Is Rewarded

| Menlo Park, CA, USA | Coworkers, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

(We are checking out when we hear this:)

Worker #1: *motioning to garden hose that has fallen on the floor* “What happened to this hose?”

Worker #2: *without hesitating* “It wasn’t loyal?”

Where You Have A Spit Of Opinion

| Canada | Bad Behavior, Coworkers, Family & Kids

(My coworker is a hard-working older woman with a thick European accent. She is the best worker here, and I look up to how quickly and efficiently she works everyday. She finishes serving a customer at the deli and comes to speak with me.)

Coworker: “I spit in her food.”

Me: “Sorry, did you say you spat in her food…?”

Coworker: *ranting* “Yes. Last week, I ask her if she can wait two minutes for me to finish packaging chicken. She say okay. I serve her, and she act all nice. Then, she go and yells at manager and say I was rude and terrible employee.” *she starts giggling* “So today, I spit in her food!”

Me: “[Coworker], you can’t do that! That’s against health and safety! What if she notices?”

Coworker: *frowning* “Good! She deserve it!” *happily goes to work on other things, leaving me standing in disbelief*

The First Mayonnaise

| FL, USA | Coworkers, Food & Drink

(I’m cleaning out the small cooler in our sandwich station when I come across an uncovered pan of a crusty, dark yellowish-white substance.)

Me: “What the h*** is this?”

Coworker: *looking at it* “That’s mayonnaise.”

Me: “Leftover from whose presidency, Washington’s or Jefferson’s?”