Category: Coworkers

Giving Birth To A Whole New Mess

| North Attleboro, MA, USA | Twin Cities, MN, USA | Coworkers, Health & Body

(It’s later in the evening so we have a reduced staff: I’m on salads, plus there’s a pizza cook, a delivery driver, and a waitress. At the moment we have no orders to make and our only table is a young couple. The woman is very pregnant and has told our waitress that she is due any day. They’ve been chatting about babies and baby names for the last half hour or so, when the waitress suddenly comes running into the kitchen, looking frantic.)

Waitress: “Oh, my god! She’s in labor!”

Cook: “Really?”

Me: “Oh, my god, do they need us to call anyone?”

Waitress: “No, they just need the rest of their food boxed up.” *she runs back out into the dining room with boxes*

(The rest of the staff is having a moment of quiet contemplation until the waitress returns.)

Waitress: “I can’t believe they’re so calm! Her water just broke, too!”

Me: “I always thought that meant birth is gonna happen pretty quickly; are they sure they’re okay?”

Waitress: “Yeah, they said they’ll be fine, just driving.”

Cook: “Wow…”

Driver: “Wait, if her water broke, who’s cleaning that up?”

(We all kinda turn to stare at him, and then the cook bursts out laughing.)

Cook: “Look at this guy! We’re all marveling at the start of a new life and he’s like, who’s cleaning this s*** up?”

Meet The Camouflage Family

| MA, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers

(A family comes into the museum all wearing matching camouflage print jackets. I greet them as I always do and they begin exploring the museum. A few minutes later, my coworker joins me at the front desk.)

Coworker: “Did you see that family with no torsos? They were just legs and floating heads!”

You’re In Hot Water Now

| MN, USA | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Math & Science

(I work at a hotel. It is a cold winter’s day, and a window happens to freeze up.)

Me: “We need to scrape it off; I’ll get the scraper.”

Coworker: “Can’t we just melt it with hot water?”

Me: ”No, the water would just freeze.”

Coworker: “But it’s hot water.”

Me: “It still freezes; I’ll get the scraper.”

(I go to get the scraper and come back seeing my coworker pouring hot water on the ice.)

Me: “What are you doing?!”

Coworker: “I’m melting the ice.”

Me: “I told you not to!”

Coworker: “But it’ll melt faster!”

(Thermodynamics happened; melting didn’t.)

Time To Retire That Attire

| UK | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Non-Dialogue

I have an office in a portakabin of four rooms across the car park from the main building. Only two rooms are occupied.

One day I manage to knock over a glass of water and it soaks a load of papers on my desk and goes all down my trousers, too. I lock the office door, make sure the blinds are closed, and take my trousers off to put them on the heater to dry while I tidy up the desk.

After a few minutes the office door opens and a colleague walks in. She has come to collect some papers and let herself in with the master key. She is lovely but not overly bright.

She sits for a few minutes talking, and then starts to leave. As she is going out the door she asks if I am wearing any underwear. I say of course.

She says that she isn’t sure as it just look like I am only wearing a shirt.

She must have thought that this was normal for me in my office. But it hadn’t crossed her mind to leave when she first saw me, or didn’t she notice till she was leaving?

Some Coworkers Really Get On Your Exposed Nerves

| Kent, England, UK | Coworkers, Health & Body

(I have been signed off sick from work as I have osteoarthritis in one of my knees which has caused my knee cap to erode away completely, making it very painful to stand, which my job requires for my whole shift. After chatting for a few minutes with a work colleague following a meeting with management:)

Me: “I have to go. My knee is killing me and my hubby is waiting for me outside with the car.”

Coworker: “You know, the reason you can’t stand is because you’ve been off work for so long and haven’t been standing, so your knee isn’t used to it any more and now it hurts to do so.”

Me: “Umm, the reason I can’t stand it because the exposed nerve endings are pressed against and rubbing each other and the bones, causing intense pain when I stand or walk for more than a few minutes.”

Coworker: “Oh…”