Category: Coworkers

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Another Death After The Funeral

| OK, USA | Bosses & Owners, Coworkers, Pranks

(My grandfather passed away the Wednesday before Labor Day, and I go to his funeral. It’s an 800-mile trip, one way, to get there. As my supervisor lost her husband on the same day, this leaves the store SEVERELY shorthanded on one of the busiest days of the year. I was supposed to be back that Monday, but the funeral director talked my father into having the funeral ON Monday, and the burial was Tuesday. So, I am gone for a week and terrified I’ll be in trouble for having been gone much longer than expected. On Thursday, I walk into the store, carrying the paper with the obituary, the planner showing I was at the funeral, and even my grandfather’s flag to prove I wasn’t just skipping out of work.)

Assistant Manager: “[My Name], you need to go to the office. [Manager] needs to talk to you.”

Me: *anxious* “No, no, see, [Assistant Manager], I really WAS at a funeral! I’ve got the things you need to prove it, and the director talked my dad into having it two days later than it was supposed to be, and I’m so sorry. I—”

Assistant Manager: *suddenly very stern* “You need to get into that office, RIGHT NOW, and talk to [Manager]!”

(I go into the office, having a massive panic attack and thinking I’m in serious trouble and on the verge of being fired.)

Manager: “Oh, there you are.”

Me: “[Manager], really, I was at a funeral. You know I don’t like skipping work. I’ll take a write up. Please don’t fire me! I have the things you need. I even brought his flag!”

Manager: *confused* “[My Name], what are you talking about? I know you were at a funeral. I wanted to give you the plant we bought for you.”

(I take the plant and carry it out. My panic has faded, and I just turn and glare at the assistant manager, who smiles, and I realize she was playing me.)

Assistant Manager: “So! Do you like the plant?”

Me: “Which car is yours? I need to go key it.”

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I’ve Got A Ticket To Deride

| NE, USA | Coworkers, Technology

(I work technical support at a company’s internal help desk. For submitted tickets requiring approval or rejection, the approving individual must perform these actions; we have nothing to do with them or the process.)

Caller: “I’m unable to reject a ticket. I need to know how to reject a ticket.”

Me: “Well, generally speaking, as the approver, you should receive an email with a link to reject and a link to approve the ticket—”

Caller: *interrupting* “I didn’t get that. My manager forwarded me the ticket link and asked me to reject it. I opened the link and added notes, but when I clicked ‘Update’ it approved the ticket. I need that changed. Why did it do that?”

Me: “Unfortunately, we do not have access to change approvals nor are we approvers of tickets, so we do not use those functions. Also, once approved, the ticket moves forward to fulfillment. However, we can send a ticket to the [Ticket System] team and they can go in and reject the request.”

Caller: “Okay. But why did it do that? What’s the difference between ‘Update’ and ‘Save’? They should be the same.”

Me: “That is again something [Ticket System] team would need to answer. Since we are not approvers we do not use those functions and cannot attest to the difference, I can add the query to the ticket I am sending them so they can answer.”

Caller: “But why did it approve like that? Why couldn’t I reject it? What is the difference between the buttons?”

Me: “Again, we do not know—”

Caller: *interrupts again* “Why didn’t you just say so instead of trying to answer? What lousy service. Lousy b******.” *hangs up*

Me: *turning to colleagues* “Can I reach through to phone and hurt someone?”

Colleague: “You can try.”

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Will Not Stand For This

| Sacramento, CA, USA | Coworkers

(When I first started working for a math tutoring lab at my old college, the people there were not used to me. I’m pretty fit and look young for my age, but I use a cane sometimes because I have a mild form of Muscular Dystrophy that mostly affects my right limbs. This and an unrelated balancing disorder cause me to trip and fall often. I’m not frail in the least and always get up just fine, but the stigma of using a cane tends to make people who don’t know me unnecessarily careful around me. It’s the early morning and the beginning of the shift. No students are in the lab, just my boss and a coworker. I trip over a chair and hit the floor with a grunt. I roll on my side and am about to get up when my coworker rushes to me and grabs my side, preventing me from standing up.)

Coworker: “[My Name]! Are you okay!?”

Me: *trying to get up, but being held down by him* “Yes, I’m fine. It’s no big deal.”

Coworker: *still not letting me go* “You sure? You sure you’re all right?”

Me: “Yes! I’m fine! I’d be getting up right now if you were not holding me! This is the opposite of helping!”

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Making More Than The Baby Cry

| San Jose, CA, USA | Coworkers, Family & Kids

(Given the situation, I almost submitted this story to Not Always Related instead. A coworker comes in on his day off with his partner and their baby. They are soon to move out-of-state, so he wants to say goodbye to some coworkers that he doesn’t usually share shifts with. It’s not-uncommon knowledge around work that, while they are committed parents, their child is not biologically his as they were recently divorced when she conceived but have since reconciled. It turns out not everyone at work knows the situation, as is proven by our coworker’s tremendous foot-in-mouth moment when he cracks the sort of joke he’s known for.)

Coworker: “WOW, WHAT A GOOD-LOOKING BABY! HOW’D A GUY LIKE YOU MAKE A BABY LIKE THAT?”

(Those of us who were sitting at our desks trying not to pee from holding in the shock and laughter resolved to tell him what he did… AFTER our coworker moves away.)

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Been There, Done That, Bought The T-Shirt

| England, UK | Coworkers

(About a month in advance we were warned on a particular day to wear smart clothes for an important visitor to the office. Normally we only speak to customers over the phone so dress code is fairly lax. The week before, a colleague is constantly talking about needing to dress smart on Monday. I walk to work in some very uncomfortable black shoes, in oppose to my comfy hiking shoes, to find Colleague in jeans, sneakers, and a hoodie.)

Me: “Umm… Did you forget smart dress day?”

Colleague: “Nah, I put a shirt on.”

(He is indeed wearing a casual collared shirt…)