Category: Crazy Requests


Locked In To The Task

| USA | Bosses & Owners, Crazy Requests

(My boss closed the shop around 5:00 p.m., but he calls me at home at 6:30 p.m. Note: we have five parking spaces, right in front of the store.)

Boss: “Hi, can you pop back to the store for me? There’s a customer locked in the car park.”

Me: “What? How did you not notice when you left?”

Boss: “She pulled in while I was cashing up. I shouted at her but she just waved at me and went on down the street. So I locked her in and drove home.”

Me: “And she’s still there?”

Boss: “Yeah, one of the neighbors called me. Apparently she’s threatening to call the cops.”

Me: “And you want me to drive over and deal with this furious customer who’s going to yell at me? You do it!”

Boss: “You’re closer and it’ll be quicker and she’ll be less cross.”

Me: “I can’t believe you did this.”

Boss: “B**** deserved it for being rude!”

(I withstood the torrent of abuse and let her out, but now the boss owes me, big style!)


Hogwarts School Of Journalism

| MA, USA | Coworkers, Crazy Requests, New Hires

(I am a writer and content editor for a company. The writing office is fairly small, so everyone can easily talk to each other without leaving their desks.)

Coworker #1: “Whoa!”

Me: “What’s up?”

Coworker #1: “Did you see the email we just got?”

Me: “No, I haven’t checked in the past ten minutes.”

Coworker #2: “Check your email. It has to be seen to be believed.”

(I check my email, and in it is a job application. Somehow, this person sent it to the whole office instead of just our boss. The letter starts off fairly normal, stating she went to school for journalism, but by the second sentence the applicant is claiming the reason no one will hire her is because she’s been cursed by a jealous Haitian witch. She lists all the ways the witch has ruined her life, including how she’s using witchcraft to mess with her phone, laptop, and Gmail account, lose her voice, lose her fingers, hands, and arms so she can’t type, and to get people to lie in court about her. I read through the letter it a few times, completely in shock.)

Me: “Good freaking lord.”

Coworker #2: “I’ve seen some weird applicants, but this is beyond insane.”

Coworker #1: “Is she for real? Maybe she made it up to show how creative she can be?”

Me: “If that’s the case, then she’s failed at that, too. Her writing is terrible! She constantly repeats herself, the sentence structure is sloppy, she’s giving us a billion reasons NOT to hire her, and she didn’t even give any references.”

Coworker #1: “Hey, [Boss], did you see this?”

Boss: “I read two sentences and deleted it. I have had more than enough crazy for the week.”

Me: “Yeah, this’ll fill your crazy quota real quick.”

Coworker #1: “Should we call her and find out if she’s for real?”

Me: “That’ll only encourage her. If she calls us, then you can be the one to talk to her. Otherwise, don’t engage the crazy lady.”

(The application went on our “Wall of Shame” to prove it really happened, and we have not heard from the cursed lady since.)


Wait Until You Hear What He Has To Say!

| Finland | Crazy Requests, Employees

(I’m walking through a small-ish mall to get to my bus, as I’m going to work. A mall vendor tries to stop me.)

Vendor: *begins his spiel*

Me: “Sorry, I’ve got to catch the bus to work!”

Vendor: “Work can wait!”

(All I could think of was if he was willing to tell my boss, our team of 7, and the client that his pre-ordered move was going to be late because he wanted to sell me a new Internet plan… or if he was willing to pay me the financial damages of losing my job, which could very well have happened.)


Brazen About Brazil

| Stockholm, Sweden | Crazy Requests, Geography

(I’m a Canadian currently living in Sweden. I had to purchase health care, but my bank flagged it as fraud. This resulted in me needing to call my bank at their 24/7 international number in Canada to unfreeze my account.)

Employee: “Hello, you’ve reached [Employee] with [Bank]. How may I help you?”

Me: “Hi, I’m calling because when I tried to purchase health care from [Company], you guys accidentally flagged my card.”

Employee: “I’m so sorry about that. Let’s get it fixed for you right away. First, I just need to ask you some security questions, all right? When is your birthday?”

Me: “My birthday is [Date].”

Employee: “Great! And what are some of the most recent transactions on your card?”

Me: “I spent [amount] on [Date] and [amount] on [Date]; both of them were at [Store].”

Employee: “Fantastic. And finally, what country are you currently residing in?”

Me: “Sweden. I’ve been here for two years now.”

Employee: “Oh, I’m sorry, that’s not what we have listed here. According to us, you’ve been living in Brazil.”

Me: “Brazil? I travelled there 2.5 years ago, but only for two weeks. I’ve been living in Sweden since [Date]. I called three times before I moved to ensure there was a note on my account saying I moved internationally and to give you guys my new address.”

Employee: “Umm… no. According to us you’re living in Brazil.”

Me: “Ma’am, I can assure you I’m not and never have lived in Brazil. I think someone got mixed up when I called to inform you of my travel plans a couple years ago, and it didn’t get changed when I called about moving.”

Employee: “Okay… Well, since you didn’t answer correctly I’m afraid I won’t be able to unlock your card. You answered everything else correctly, but you’re not living where we have you marked down, so I can’t be sure you’re who you say you are. That’s not my problem so you’ll have to deal with it yourself.”

Me: “What?! Are you serious? I need my card! That’s the only card I have that’s free to use here! I’ve been using it here in Sweden for two years now and it’s never been a problem. If I’ve been living in Brazil then why have you approved all these charges coming from Sweden?! It’s not my fault someone didn’t listen to me when I called before I moved!”

Employee: “Well, that’s not my problem! Figure it out yourself. It’s not my fault you’re not living in Brazil!”

Me: *taking a deep breath, trying to calm down* “Okay, what do I need to do to unlock my card?”

Employee: “You need to make an appointment at your [Bank] branch in [Town].”

Me: “But I’m in Sweden. I can’t do that and I need my card. If I don’t have my card I can’t buy food or pay rent. I’ll answer any other questions, or list off all my transactions for the last month. Please, I really need my card!”

Employee: “That’s not my problem! You need to make an appointment, so I guess you better fly over to Canada.”

Me: “And how am I supposed to pay for a plane ticket without a functioning card?”

Employee: “I… umm…. THAT’S NOT MY F****** PROBLEM!” *hangs up*

(I called my mum over in Canada where it was then three am. She ended up calling their national 24/7 number and was able to get the number of a manager for me to directly call. Thankfully he was incredibly apologetic, and furious at the employee. My card was fixed and he even gave me $50 worth of bonus rewards points! And since then I’ve signed up with another bank to ensure that if this does happen again, I’ve got a back up.)



| QC, Canada | Crazy Requests, Employees, Technology

(After I move from a big city to a remote town, I need to call my cell phone provider to make a few changes to my account. The worker who answers the phone after about a fifteen minute wait time is talking with a very heavy accent. It is clear that she was either a first generation immigrant, or is working in a call center in another country.)

Worker: “Thank you for reaching [Cell Phone Company]. How may I help you?”

Me: “Hi. I need to change my local call zone as I have moved, and I would like to change my pre-paid plan for a regular plan.”

Worker: “We can only treat one issue per call. You will have to call back for the second one.”

(At this point I think this to be very bad customer service, but assume it wouldn’t do any good to argue.)

Me: “Well, okay… Let’s start with the local call zone. I recently moved from [Big City] to [Remote Town].”

Worker: *after about five seconds* “I can’t find [Remote Town]. Do you have another city?”

(Again, I find this odd, but I figure the other towns around would still be in the same zone. However, those other towns have complicated names, and it’s safe to assume that someone who never heard of them would make a spelling mistake while searching for those towns in a database.)

Me: “Okay, what about [Town #2]?”

Worker:  *after a few seconds only* “I don’t have that. Do you have another town?”

Me: “Hmm… maybe [Town #3]?”

Worker: *after a few seconds again* “I don’t have that. Do you have another town?”

(At this point, I’m about 100% sure she didn’t spell the names right, because I know this company has cell phone coverage in the area I’m in.)

Me: “Are you sure you’re spelling the names right? Those towns have tricky names and—”

Worker: *cutting me off* “Yes, sir, I’m sure. I don’t have those places in my list. Do you have another town?”

Me: “Well, the next town over is about 500 km from where I live, so I guess not.”

Worker: “Okay. Since we haven’t been able to resolve your first issue, we can go ahead and change your plan without you having to call back. So, what plan would you be interested in today?”

Me: “Is this serious? You cannot set me up in a local call zone, and now you expect me to stay with your company, AND to switch from my pre-pay plan to a regular plan?”

Worker: “Well, we have a lot of good plans.”

Me: “Never mind.” *click*

(I called their competitor, and got everything working the way I wanted within the hour. And they have actual decent customer service!)

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