Category: Criminal/Illegal


Secretary Providing (Breaking) Bad Service

| AB, Canada | Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal, Employees

(My father’s friend has a remote hunting cabin on a corner of his property. One winter, he goes out to check on it only to find that some criminals have broken into it and set up a meth lab. Naturally, he calls the police. Not seeing it as an emergency, he calls the local RCMP detachment directly and talks to a secretary.)

Friend: “Yeah, I’m at [gives legal land location], and someone broke into my cabin and set up a meth lab.”

Secretary: “Oh, another one. Boys will be boys, am I right?”

Friend: “Um… yeah. Anyway, what should I do with all this drug stuff?”

Secretary: “Just gather it all up and throw it out.”

Friend: “WHAT?”

Secretary: “Yeah, this is so common these days; it’s really nothing to worry about. Just clean out your cabin and chuck it.”

Friend: “Don’t you need to send an officer out here to check it out?”

Secretary: “Well, if you’re THAT concerned about it, you can box it all up and bring it down to the station.”

Friend: “But… from what I’ve seen on the news, there could be all kinds of hazardous chemicals in there!”

Secretary: “Nonsense. You’ll be fine. Box up it and bring it down.”

Friend: “Okay.”

(Needless to say, my father’s friend was still rather concerned, so he decided to call 911 right away. The 911 operator was VERY concerned, and a couple of officers and a hazmat crew were soon on the scene.)


Giving You Some Glovely Advice

| MN, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Criminal/Illegal, Popular

(I have gone to get fingerprinted for a background check at the sheriff’s office in the county courthouse. The fingerprints are taken electronically by a machine that rates how clear they are on a numerical scale.)

Fingerprinting Officer: “You got a 90 on your thumbprints. That’s extremely good. Almost no one gets a 90. You have very distinct thumbprints, so if you’re going to commit a crime, be sure to wear gloves.”


Don’t Bank On It Being The Bank

| Winnipeg, MB, Canada | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Employees, Popular

(We had been getting a lot of solicitors calling, not to mention a lot of callers that would hang up as soon as we answered. I was getting very irritated about it. The phone rings:)

Me: “Hello?”

Caller: “Hello, this is [Bank]. May I please speak to [Husband]?”

Me: “What is it regarding?”

Caller: “Just let me speak to [Husband].”

Me: “He’s busy. Please let me know what it’s about.”

Caller: “I can only speak to [Husband].”

Me: “Sorry, not happening unless you let me know why you’re calling.”

Caller: *sighs heavily* “Fine. It’s about his mortgage.”

Me: “Um, ‘his’ mortgage is also MY mortgage. Both of our names are on the paperwork. Seems to me like you should know that if you’re actually calling from [Bank].”

Caller: “I AM calling from [Bank], and I need to talk to [Husband] NOW!”

Me: “If it’s really about the mortgage, you can talk to me.”

Caller: “No! I can only talk to [Husband]!”

Me: “Or you can say hello to Mr. Dial Tone.” *hangs up*

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