Category: Criminal/Illegal

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‘Y’ Won’t You Listen?

| OR, USA | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Employees

(We have a service with a cable company that had gotten Dad’s name incorrect on the bill.)

Dad: “Hello, it seems that the last name has been misspelled on my bill. Yes, you’ve spelled it [John Smyth], but it’s really [John Smith]. Can you fix that for me? Thanks.”

(One month later:)

Dad: “Hello, there seems to be a misspelling on my bill and the name is incorrect. I would like it corrected please. [John Smith]. You have it spelled with a Y instead. Thanks.”

(One month later:)

Dad: “Okay, I know this isn’t your fault, but I’ve tried twice to have my name correct on the billing, but now I would like to request that you not sell my name and address to other companies. I am getting offers for [John Smyth] and YOU are the only company who has made that misspelling up until now. Please correct my name and stop selling my information to outside companies.”

(One month later:)

Dad: “I would like to talk to a supervisor, please. Yes, hello. Okay, I’ve tried being polite three times. I want my name spelled correctly on my bill, and I need you to stop selling my information out. Yes, I’ve been promised that it would be corrected before, and it hasn’t happened. I know it’s not your personal fault, but I am getting rather tired of trying to get it fixed. Let me put it this way… there is no one named [John Smyth] at this address. There is a [John Smith]. If [John Smith] doesn’t get a bill addressed to HIM, then he won’t feel any need to pay [John SMYTH]’s bill. This is the last call I’m going to make trying to get this fixed. After that, you will simply stop getting [John SMITH]’s money and be told to find a non-existent [SMYTH] for money owed.”

(When the next bill arrives with the wrong name, Dad decides to end our relationship with them completely. My dad takes the equipment into one of their locations and turns it in. Everything seems handled and Dad gets a receipt saying so. A few months later, we move to Oregon. Five days after we move, we get a “bill” from this company saying that we still owe $5.54.)

Dad: *contacting them* “Regarding this charge, I have a receipt printed up saying that we don’t owe any money.”

(The charge is dropped. Two months after moving, they sent us a letter stating that Dad did not turn in the equipment, and that if he doesn’t turn it in we owe $500 to replace it.)

Dad: *contacting them yet again* “Again, I have a receipt printed up, saying that we don’t owe any money.”

Representative: “I am unable to locate the supposed center that you visited in person on my computer.”

(Dad’s receipt is packed somewhere, so he doesn’t have it in his hand at the moment. When she tries to tell him that the charges are legitimate, they have a very heated discussion.)

Dad: “Look, my receipt is currently in a box, but here’s what’s going to happen… I am going to go box by box through this house. When I find that receipt, I’m going to call [Name], my lawyer, and we are going to pursue this harassment and fraudulent charge in court. I will make absolutely sure that I cost you in massive amounts of court fees as well as an insane amount of bad publicity.”

(Suddenly she “found” the record in her own computer stating that he was “paid in full,” and that all equipment was turned in. We’re going to be on high alert for months to come, because we still don’t trust that this is over…)

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Clearing The House Of Scams

| CO, USA | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Liars/Scammers

(I receive a call on my cell phone.)

Caller: “Hello! This is [Name] with Publisher’s Clearing House, and we’re calling to tell you that you have won a large sum.”

(I immediately know this is a scam, so I decide to mess with him.)

Me: *pretending I’m really excited* “OH, my GOD, REALLY?!”

Caller: “Yes, you have won a large sum, and in order to collect it—”

Me: “HONEY!” *I call out like I’m doing it across the house, even though my wife is right next to me* “Honey, all our money problems are over! I won something from PCH!” *talking to the person on the phone* “Thank you! Thank you! You know, it’s really amazing, isn’t it, that I won this money even though you have to enter all the drawings and I never did?”

Caller: *silence*

Me: *still feigning excitement* “You see, my mom was always the one to enter the drawings, and she never won a thing, so isn’t it incredible that I’ve NEVER spent a dime entering anything and I win the money? Isn’t that just AMAZING?” *I lower my voice to one of mocking consideration* “You know, it’s almost like this isn’t really a call from Publisher’s Clearing House, but instead someone trying to scam me out of—”

Caller: *click*

(I haven’t heard from them since.)

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Getting The Wrong Kind Of ‘High’ Score

| New Zealand | Criminal/Illegal, Job Seekers

(A worker from one of our opposition companies comes in looking for a job as he has just resigned from his previous employment.)

Workmate: “So, why did you quit at [Opposition Company]?”

Job-Seeker: “They were introducing drug testing for all employees.”

Me: *laughing* “And you’ll fail?”

Job-Seeker: *deadpan* “Yes, I would.”

(Not exactly the best way to apply for a job.)