Category: Criminal/Illegal

Prisoned In Pink

| USA | Bizarre/Silly, Criminal/Illegal, Employees

(While visiting out of state, I see a police officer carrying a set of pink handcuffs. When I join my local police explorer group I bring my own set for the fun of it. The cuff holders on my belt for the most part obscure the cuffs from full view. This happens when I go on a couple of different ride-alongs.)

Officer #1: “You’ve got pink handcuffs? Keep those out of sight.”

Officer #2: “Pink handcuffs? Nice! If we arrest anyone tonight we’re using those!”

Wicked Taxi Driver Of The West

| Montreal, QC, Canada | Criminal/Illegal, Liars/Scammers, Transportation

(I finish working at 2:45 am. By the time I remove my uniform, I take a taxi a 3:05. I give my address to the driver, who obviously thinks I’m a drunk girl getting out of a bar, considering the location and the time. He takes off in the wrong direction.)

Me: “Mister, I live in the east.”

Driver: “I know, we’re going east now.”

(We’re clearly going west, even though I’m tired I still can recognize the streets.)

Me: “No, you’re currently going west. Turn on your GPS. You’re clearly going in the wrong direction.”

Driver: “It’s okay. It’s okay. I’ll tell you when we get at your destination.”

Me: “Listen, you’re making me take a detour for nothing. I’d like to get home as soon as possible and not pay more than necessary. Please go east now.”

Driver: “You probably had a couple drinks too much. It’s okay. It happens to the best of us to be lost because of alcohol. I’ll tell you when we get there.”

Me: “Hey. I’ve been up for 18 hours; I just finished my work shift. The last drop of alcohol I drank was many days ago, and I really want to go to bed NOW. If you refuse again to drive me straight home without taking a detour, I’m calling your central to tell them that you’re refusing to take me to my destination. And it’s out of the question that I pay for the detour you just took.”

Driver: “Oh, sorry. I couldn’t know that you weren’t drunk; you’re at the closing hour and downtown…”

(I took note of the taxi’s number to make a complaint.)

Tiring Of This Scam

| FL, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Liars/Scammers, Transportation

(This happened to my friend, and she still regards it as one of the most satisfying moments of her life. She’s at a mechanic’s she’s been to before, getting a routine oil change.)

Mechanic: “I just don’t know if I feel right letting you drive out of here, ma’am. I have to be honest, these tires are the worst I’ve seen in a long time. That can happen when you go for price over quality.” *he rambles on for a long time about how clearly the wheels are already warping and distending, how the rubber is clearly already cracking and old, and so on and so forth* “…but we can get you a set of good tires today for [high price] installed.”

Friend: “Hmm. Well, I mean, can we schedule it for after you talk to my lawyer?”

Mechanic: “Pardon?”

Friend: “I mean, you sold me these tires yourself last week, soooo…”

(The mechanic went white as a sheet and started stammering about how he was mistaken, then said he was “just pulling her leg.” He comped the oil change and my friend immediately drove to another mechanic to have the tires inspected, just in case… They were brand new, in perfect shape. Guess if you’re going to con someone you should probably be more detail oriented.)

Christmas Karma

| Savannah, GA, USA | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal

(I am doing some Christmas shopping for my family. I decide to go into the high end store and pick up some very nice items. I work at a local juvenile detention “Boot Camp” as a drill sergeant. Since I’ve just gotten off duty, I am still dressed in my work uniform, which consists of a pair of camo pants, combat boots, and a comfortable shirt under my old jacket. I probably don’t look like I really belong in the store. Wandering around a bit, I find myself having the distinct impression I am being followed. This one employee seems to be always fixing a rack or something every time I stop. Eventually coming to the purses, I pause to pick up a couple to compare and try to figure out what my mother would like. Picking the right purse for my mom, I wander a bit further looking for a place to check out. About halfway through this wandering, I hear someone say “Excuse me, sir?” Looking back I see it’s the lady.)

Me: “You can check me out? I’d like to get this.”

Woman: “You can’t afford that.”

Me: “Huh? What makes you think that? I’d like to buy it for my mom for Christmas and—”

Woman: *snatching the purse from my hand* “That’s a likely story. You probably want to steal this and sell it for some crack.”

Me: “Lady, you don’t know me; I’ll give you that. However, don’t judge a person by how they dress.”

(She ignores me and wanders back to the purses area while I follow. At this point a gentleman in a suit steps up.)

Manager: “Is there a problem?”

Me: “Putting it mildly. Are you a manager?”

Manager: “I am.”

Woman: “This bum was trying to steal this [expensive] purse!”

Me: “No, I wanted to pay for it. You know, with money?”

Manager: “Sir, looking at you, I can see that you couldn’t afford this. It’s probably best you leave.”

Me: “Looking at me? What, because I’ve got military clothing on?”

Manager: “Sir, are you in the military?”

Me: “No.”

Manager: “Then you shouldn’t be wearing that. Would you like me to call the police?”

Me: “Call them if you want. I couldn’t care less.”

(The manager then asks me rather politely to come with him, as security escorts me to the back room. I camp out and wait while the guy gives me this rant about how homeless people like me think we can get away with anything, and how he WILL be pressing charges. After five or six minutes, a couple officers come into the room. They look at me, and then back to the manager, and back to me.)

Officer: “Hey, Sarge, what’s up?”

(At this point the manager speaks up.)

Manager: “This homeless person was casing the store and trying to shoplift a five hundred dollar purse. I want him arrested!”

Officer: “Homeless? Uh, Sarge, are you homeless?”

Me: “Not last time I checked.”

Manager: “I want him charged; he’s impersonating a member of the military, too! That’s Stolen Valor!”

Officer: “Sir, you need to really calm down. What makes you think the Sarge here was trying to shoplift?”

Manager: “Because he’s homeless! Why do you keep insisting on calling this bum ‘Sarge’?”

Officer: “Because he’s my boss.”

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‘They’ Have Baggage

| Stirling, Scotland, UK | Criminal/Illegal, Employees, Non-Dialogue

I am in a small souvenir shop with my wife, browsing and looking for something to bring back home. We are the only customers, and I notice the shopkeeper – an older lady – very clearly keeping an eye on us at all times. I find this a bit odd, since there is nothing out of the ordinary about our appearance or behaviour, but I don’t think too much of it.

In the end we choose to only buy a small packet of biscuits, which we intend to eat right away.

I go to pay, and as I am getting my change and the receipt, I reach for the biscuits which I have placed on the counter. The shopkeeper snatches them and says “Oh, no, I need to put them in a bag! Otherwise they will think you stole them!”

Perplexed, I let her put them in a bag. I take my bag, thank her, and leave the store. Once outside, we sit on a bench, take the biscuits out of the bag, and eat them.

Whoever ‘they’ were, they never appeared to question our right of ownership to the biscuits. Had they done so, I would have been lucky to have the bag – not to mention the receipt…