Category: Criminal/Illegal

This Sample Sale Is A Steal

| Canada | Coworkers, Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink

(During a slow evening shift, I’m working with a new guy who is almost done with his probationary period.)

Coworker: *looks to see if there’s anyone around and proceeds to fill a container with large scoops of various salads and other cold served dishes, totaling at least $15 worth*

Me: “Uh… What are you doing?”

Coworker: “I’m hungry and I didn’t eat dinner yet.”

Me: “So you’re going to steal food?”

Coworker: “It’s not stealing! It’s sampling!”

Doesn’t Speak A Paid Programming Language

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Coworkers, Criminal/Illegal, Technology

Caller: “Hi, the program I use to give demos to customers has stopped working.”

Me: “Okay, what is the program that you use?”

Caller: *names third-party free trial program that our company doesn’t use*

Me: “And what’s the problem?”

Caller: “It’s asking me to pay to use it.”

Me: “Okay… there’s nothing I can actually do about that. That is a third-party paid service. Our company does not have any accounts or contracts with that vendor, so we don’t have a company account we can use.”

Caller: “But it worked before.”

Me: “They have a free trial, but once that trial is over you would need to pay for an account.”

Caller: “It’s not working. They told me to call Help Desk.”

Me: “I’m afraid this is not a technical issue that we can help with. This program requires a paid account to use it, and our company doesn’t have one. You’d need to work with your department head to put in a purchase order for an account for this program. That doesn’t go through us.”

Caller: “But all my coworkers use it, and they don’t pay for it!”

Me: “Better not mention that to Legal.”

Guilty By Association

| Vestal, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Employees

(I’m a 27-year-old male. I’ve just wandered into an extremely large nation-wide retail chain-store. I’m there specifically to grab cigarettes. On my way to the cigarette counter, I run into a work-friend of mine. We chat for a moment, and she and I part ways. I get into the line.)

Me: “Can I have a pack of cigarettes, please?”

Cashier: *somewhat snarky tone* “No, you may not. I just saw you talking to HER.”

(She gestures to where I ran into my work-friend.)

Cashier: *snobby* “You need to get her ID and the IDs of the people I saw her talking to.”

Me: “Really? That’s just a work-friend of mine. I just ran into her. I’m not even with her shopping.”

Cashier: “If you can’t get their IDs, you’re not getting cigarettes!”

Me: “So… just because I chatted with someone, I can’t get cigarettes?”

Cashier: “Yup.”

Me: “That’s just stupid. So I can’t talk to anyone here unless they have IDs? You’re literally saying that socialization is frowned on here. That’s just stupid! I’ll just go to the gas-station down the street.”

Cashier: “Fine.”

(I walk away. On the way to the door, I bump into my work-friend again.)

Me: “They wouldn’t sell me cigarettes because they saw me talking to you.”

Coworker: “Yeah, they did the same thing to me because I ran into a friend here and was chatting with them. When I went up, they demanded to see his ID because we were talking, and I wasn’t able to find him to have him show them his ID. I wasn’t even here with him… I just bumped into him.”

Me: “So, evidently, we’re not supposed to talk to ANYONE here, I guess, unless they have their IDs…”

Coworker: “Yeah, it looks like they frown on socialization altogether.”

(The next day at work, I see my work-friend again.)

Coworker: “You won’t believe this. You know that woman who wouldn’t sell you cigarettes because she saw you talking to me?”

Me: “Yeah?”

Coworker: “She was actually making fun of me when I walked by again after you left, and was telling other people there that I was a criminal who was buying cigarettes for minors! I walked right by and heard her saying it.”

Me: “Wow…”

(I ended up writing in and complaining, and the corporate office basically told me that I was right: Socialization is basically viewed as a bad thing in the store. How insane is that? And this is a MAJOR store that is in most towns. So, I guess next time you go to the store, if you plan to buy anything requiring an ID, be sure not to talk to or make eye contact with anyone, otherwise you’ll be refused service.)

Smacking Some Sense Into You

| MO, USA | Coworkers, Criminal/Illegal, Money

(I’m trying to collect money to buy a coworker a wedding gift. So far, many people have said they’ll give me money, but no one actually has. Note that I’m pretty clean cut: it’s a known fact that I don’t drink and I’m usually in bed by nine pm.)

Me: “I understand it. I am kinda shifty looking.”

Coworker: “Yeah, they’re afraid that you’ll run off with the money.”

Me: “Yeah, I might take it buy smack.”

(Engaged coworker walks by.)

Coworker #2: “What are you two talking about?”

Me: “How I’m going to buy drugs with your wedding gift money.”

Coworker #2: “Sounds like you.”