Category: Employees

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Murdering Any Future Business

| London, England, UK | Criminal/Illegal, Employees

(I am a legal intern, shadowing a lawyer in court. Our client walks in.)

Lawyer: *says very loudly to me whilst client is within earshot* “Ooh, gonna keep this one around. He looks like he might do a murder soon!”

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We’re All Just Five Minutes Away From Going Crazy

| Leeds, Yorkshire, UK | Employees, Extra Stupid, Technology

(I’m having health and safety training with some of our cleaners. Someone in from the hospital is pompously teaching us about complicated-sounding diseases and chemicals, when the ‘Windows Update’ notification pops up in the corner. The trainer clicks on ‘postpone for five minutes’. Not surprisingly, it shows up five minutes later.)

Trainer: “That’s strange; I could’ve sworn I’d just gotten rid of that thing.” *clicks ‘postpone for five minutes again*

Trainer: *five minutes later* “Oh, it’s that silly thing again! Computers, tsk. They’re so annoying.” *clicks ‘postpone for five minutes’ again*

(We all look at each other, wondering whether to say something, but he’s started talking about medical things again. This repeats a few more times.)

Trainer: “Oh, this bloody thing! Why do I even need a computer to do this?! I have a PhD! Ok, I’m going for a smoke; I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

Cleaner: “I’m going to change that before I go insane.” *goes and changes it to ‘postpone for four hours’*

Trainer: *returns* “Oh! Oh, thank God, it seems to have gone on its own.”

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This Call Was Destined To Be Fatality

| Edo. de México, Mexico | Employees, Geeks Rule

(I work in a video game store that also rents consoles per hour. When there are no customers, the owner allows us to play on the consoles. We have a phone, which is usually just to talk to our other locale, but for some days we’ve been getting calls from an airline that usually goes the same…)

Me: “[Business], what can I help you with?”

Sales Rep: “Good afternoon. I’m with [Airline] and I want to talk you about our special offers. Can I speak to the owner of the house?”

Me: “I told you, this is not a house. It’s a business.”

Sales Rep: “Would you still be interested in setting up a sales plan with us?”

Me: “I already said no. Please, stop calling.”

(One day I’m with another worker and he answers the call.)

Coworker: “It’s the airline guys again.”

Me: “You know what? Pass me the phone.”

(He does so. Currently I’m playing a fighting game that is infamous because of the gruesome finishing moves you can perform on the loser of the match. I proceed to increase the volume.)

Sales Rep: “Good afternoon, sir. Would you be interested in…”

(I immediately pointed the phone towards the TV just as the winning character proceeded to kill the opponent in a pretty violent fashion, complete with loud, pained screams. They stopped calling after that.)