Category: Employees

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Should Have Espresso’d It Clearer, Part 3

| Democratic Republic Of Congo | Employees, Food & Drink

(My family are South African and English is our first language. My uncle does a lot of travelling through the African continent for work, and has loads of entertaining stories about his travels. English is not widely spoken in some parts of Africa, and this story is a perfect example of that. Note that in South Africa, we use the term ‘waiter’ or ‘waitress’, and not ‘server.’)

Uncle: “Good morning. May I have an espresso, please?”

Waiter: “Of course, sir, I’ll be right out with that.”

(About five minutes later, the waiter comes out with a tray containing a normal coffee pot, cup, saucer, teaspoon, jug of milk, etc., all the things you expect to see when you’ve ordered a normal filter coffee.)

Uncle: “Sorry, I think you may not have understood me. This is a filter coffee, but I wanted to actually have an espresso, please. See, here it is on the menu.” *points to item on menu*

Waiter: *blank look*

Uncle: “Okay, so it is coffee as well, but an espresso is strong coffee that you put in a small cup—”  *tries to motion the size with his hands* “—and you have it with a glass of water.”

Waiter: “Oh, yes, sir, now I understand. I’m so sorry about that! Please give me one minute to fix it for you.”

(The waiter then left the table without taking the filter coffee with him. My uncle, perplexed, sat back and waited to see what happened and whether he did understand. To his absolute amusement, the waiter brought back a small cup and a glass of water. He then proceeded to take the coffee pot with the filter coffee and pour it into the small cup. The waiter, very happy with himself, gave him a huge smile and then wandered off. My uncle just drank the filter coffee.)

Related:
Should Have Espresso’d It Clearer, Part 2
Should Have Espresso’d It Clearer

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Double Doubling The Work Load

| USA | At The Checkout, Employees, Food & Drink

(I frequent a coffee shop famous for its “double double” order. This happens every time I go to one, anywhere I’ve ever been in one.)

Me: “Can I get a large double double with caramel, please?”

Cashier: *baffled* “What?”

Me: “A large coffee with two creams, two sugars, and a caramel shot, please.”

Cashier: “Okay, so that’s a large double double with caramel.”

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Lost And Found In Translation

| Pasadena, CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Employees

(My daughter has forgotten her purse, and gone back inside to retrieve it.)

Daughter: *to greeter* “I forgot my purse at that table. Did someone find it and turn it in?”

Greeter: *with obvious glee in his voice* “Oh, boy! You f***** up!”

(The waitress from our table smacks him across the back of his head, and starts cursing him out in Spanish, opens the drawer at the check-in desk, pulls out my daughter’s purse and hands it to her, while still cussing out the greeter.)

Daughter: “Thank you…?”

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Making Certain Allowances For Age

, | CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Employees

(I’m at a restaurant with my mother picking up a to-go order, when I reach for my wallet to pay.)

Waiter: *turns to my mom* “Is she paying with her allowance?”

Me: “No— I… How old are you?”

Waiter: *offended* “I’m thirty-four.”

Mom: “How old does she look?”

Waiter: “Older than sixteen.”

Me: “I’m twenty four.”

(He apologized profusely. And said one day I’d appreciate looking so young. This happens all the time.)

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Doesn’t Have The Sheep’s Stomach For Your Assumptions

| Edinburgh, Scotland, UK | Employees, Food & Drink, Tourists & Travel

(I am a Canadian backpacker and go into a pub on the Royal Mile in Edinburgh. I approach the bartender.)

Me: “Hi, ‘scuse me, I had a question about the menu—”

Bartender: *sigh* “Haggis is sheep’s liver, lungs and heart, cooked in its stomach, and no, I’m not joking.”

Me: “I know THAT. My parents are both members of the Royal Vancouver Island Scottish Country Dance Society and my friends all think they’re terminally weird after hearing about how we have to drink a toast to sheep guts every January 25th. Now could you please tell me how many sausages come with the bangers and mash?”