Category: Family & Kids

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Dishing Out Just Desserts

| London, England, UK | Coworkers, Family & Kids

(It’s six o’clock in the evening at the end of a long day. We are short staffed on a normal day, but this morning we had one coworker call in sick and another had to leave due to a personal emergency, leaving only four staff members and the business consultant (B.C.), who has no formal childcare qualifications but does have First Aid. At this point, two of my coworkers have gone home so it is just me, my coworker, and the B.C., with five children left to go home. There are some dirty dishes left over from tea time and everyone is feeling too lazy to do them.)

Coworker: “[My Name], [B.C.], there are still dishes from tea to be washed up. I can’t leave the room because I’m the only qualified practitioner, so…” *gives us a joking/evil grin*

Business Consultant: *laying down in the corner, half asleep* “I’m First Aid, I can’t leave the room either. [My Name] it’s down to you. Have fun!”

Me: “Well, I have a child on my lap, so…” *looks at child and stage-whispers* “Hey, [Child], cough and pretend you’re ill.”

Child: *looks at me and clears his throat a few times* “I can’t do it. I’ll do it later when you wash the dishes.”

Me: *shocked and laughing* “[Child]! I can’t believe you’d dob me in like that!”

(Coworker and B.C. were almost falling over laughing at me being sassed by a three-year-old.)

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How To Win The War Against Telemarketers, Part 22

| Telford, England, UK | Bizarre/Silly, Family & Kids

(My dad and I are sitting at home while I’m visiting for the weekend. The phone rings and I answer out of habit.)

Scammer: “Hello, is this Mr. [My Last Name]?”

(Wary of scammers, but knowing how harsh my dad can be over the phone, I continue on.)

Me: “Yep, that’d be me.”

Scammer: “I have some questions about your wife’s finances.”

Me: “Okay, which one?”

(There is a silence on the other end as my dad smiles.)

Scammer: “Which… one?”

Me: “Yeah, I’m an active polygamist. Which wife are you talking about?”

(The scammer hangs up and my dad just smiles and nods in approval.)

Dad: “I have taught you well…”

Related:
How To Win The War Against Telemarketers, Part 21
How To Win The War Against Telemarketers, Part 20
How To Win The War Against Telemarketers, Part 19

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Making More Than The Baby Cry

| San Jose, CA, USA | Coworkers, Family & Kids

(Given the situation, I almost submitted this story to Not Always Related instead. A coworker comes in on his day off with his partner and their baby. They are soon to move out-of-state, so he wants to say goodbye to some coworkers that he doesn’t usually share shifts with. It’s not-uncommon knowledge around work that, while they are committed parents, their child is not biologically his as they were recently divorced when she conceived but have since reconciled. It turns out not everyone at work knows the situation, as is proven by our coworker’s tremendous foot-in-mouth moment when he cracks the sort of joke he’s known for.)

Coworker: “WOW, WHAT A GOOD-LOOKING BABY! HOW’D A GUY LIKE YOU MAKE A BABY LIKE THAT?”

(Those of us who were sitting at our desks trying not to pee from holding in the shock and laughter resolved to tell him what he did… AFTER our coworker moves away.)

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How To Win The War Against Telemarketers, Part 19

| Prince George, BC, Canada | Employees, Family & Kids

(This happened 20+ years ago, so no caller ID and ignoring calls simply wasn’t an option due to relatives with health issues. We’d started having problems with telemarketers recently, so Mom had taken to some creative means to get them not to call back.)

Mom: “Hello?”

Telemarketer: “Hi, I’m calling from [Company]. Is your mother home?”

Mom: *looks over at my Oma (her mother), who came for coffee and to play with the grandchildren* “Here, Mom. It’s for you.”

Oma: “Hello?”

Oma: “I’m sorry; I don’t think I can help you…”

Oma: “No, I can’t do that…

Oma: “Sorry, you want what? I…”

Oma: “No. You should really speak with my daughter about that.”

Oma: “Well, it’s her house. I’m just visiting.”

(Mom takes the phone back when Oma hands it to her, finding a very irate caller on the other end.)

Telemarketer: “Why didn’t you tell me it was your house? I wasted a lot of time there.”

Mom: “You never asked. You just said you wanted to speak with my mother. Goodbye.” *hangs up*

(Another time, with a different caller who is refusing to take ‘no’ for an answer no matter how many times or how firmly she says it, Mom hands the phone to my two-year-old sister, who loves to talk on the phone.)

Mom: “Here, sweetie. Phone for you.”

Sister: *jabbers happily into the phone*

Telemarketer: *tries to get her to give the phone back to Mom*

Sister: *offers phone to Mom* “Mommy? Phone, Mommy?”

Mom: “No, no, go for it, dear. Tell him about your day. He wants to hear all about it.”

(This continued for a while until he finally gave up and hung up. It didn’t stop everything, but we’d usually get some sort of a break after pulling stunts like this which was why we kept pulling them. Besides, their annoyance was hilarious!)

Related:
How To Win The War Against Telemarketers, Part 18
How To Win The War Against Telemarketers, Part 17
How To Win The War Against Telemarketers, Part 16

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Taken… On A Plane

| USA | Employees, Family & Kids, Ignoring & Inattentive, Language & Words, Tourists & Travel

(My sisters and I used to fly as unaccompanied minors back and forth between our parents each year, on a long trip that usually took three layovers. One year, going from our dad to our mom, we get bumped from our last flight, which is NEVER supposed to happen to UMs. Our grandparents happen to live in the area and drive over to stay with us for the few hours until the next flight out departs, and the airline employees ply us with smoothies and snacks. One employee is charged with calling our mother and telling her what had happened, which he chose to do as follows:)

Mom: *answers phone* “Hello?”

Employee: “Ms. [Surname]?”

Mom: “Yes?”

Employee: *serious voice* “We have your children.”

(The airline also forgot to send someone to come and get us when the next flight was boarding, like they had promised to, and we only caught it because my grandfather went to go ask them about it when he got worried about the time. We literally had to sprint to catch it. Between that, the creepy-kidnapper-themed phone call, and getting her daughters back several hours late, and sugar-high from the snacks they gave us, my mom was furious. My sisters and I, however, remember that as the trip where we got free candy, a visit with our grandparents, and the apology vouchers that we used for a trip to Disneyland.)

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