Category: Family & Kids


Gets Everything She Ever Wanted, Including ‘It’

| CA, USA | Coworkers, Family & Kids

(The owners of this pizza franchise have their daughter working as one of their managers. She is usually nice enough, but has the biggest issue with whining about how terrible her life is. One day, a coworker and I have had enough of her complaining.)

Boss’s Daughter: “Ugh! My dad is so terrible! I want to go to [Event], but no! They have me working that weekend! I can’t believe this!”

Me: “Yeah, your parents are the WORST. I mean, they only paid your entire way through college and you didn’t have to spend a cent.”

Coworker: “And they bought you the car you’re driving, and are paying for your insurance, too.”

Me: “AND they’re paying your rent for you.”

Coworker: “AND they’re paying you hourly wages to work here even though they themselves don’t get anything if the restaurant doesn’t make a profit.”

Boss’s Daughter: “Well, yeah, but my dad—”

Coworker: “My dad is in prison. I’ve never met him, and I don’t want to. I would love to have a father who is present in my life!”

Me: “My dad’s a dead-beat who never paid child support when my parents got divorced. He was more concerned with himself than his wife and kids. Your parents clearly are doing everything they can to make sure you live a comfortable life. I don’t think working on a weekend when they’re paying you wages on top of everything else is too much to ask!”

Boss’s Daughter: “Ugh. Just never mind! You don’t get it!”

Coworker: *after she’d gone* “I sure don’t.”


Infantile Inflation

| Lafayette, LA, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids

(I am teasing a customer’s daughter, who is absolutely not falling for my lies.)

Girl: “How much is the candy?”

Me: “A million-billion dollars.”

Girl: “Nuh-uh!”

Me: “Yup… million-billion dollars.”

Girl: “No, it isn’t!”

(A few minutes later, she notices one of the items on the shelves behind me.)

Girl: “What are those?”

Me: “They’re jars to put candy in. They cost five dollars, plus the price of candy.”

(She nods.)

Me: “And the candy is a million-billion dollars.”

Girl: “It is NOT!”


Dying To Get The Weekend Off

| NJ, USA | Bad Behavior, Bosses & Owners, Family & Kids

(I am 16 and work as a cashier. My nana happened to pass away unexpectedly, so in the middle of the week I need to ask for the weekend off for the wake and funeral.)

Me: “[Assistant Manager], I know it’s short notice but there’s been a family emergency and I won’t be able to come in this weekend. I’m sorry.”

Assistant Manager: *brusquely* “This schedule isn’t built around YOUR convenience, [My Name]. There are plenty of other employees who would love to have the weekend off, too. What could POSSIBLY be SO important that you can’t come in when you’re supposed to, and you couldn’t give me proper notice?”

(At this point I haven’t slept much, I’ve been crying a lot, my usual social interaction filter is pretty much turned off, and I’m not in the mood to be jerked around.)

Me: *coldly* “I’m sorry. My ninety-three-year-old grandmother didn’t tell us she was going to DIE yesterday and we would need to attend her wake and funeral this weekend. My apologies; she’s usually more considerate about these things.”

Assistant Manager: *eyes wide, face turning grey* “[My Name], I am SO—”

Me: “Just give me my register assignment and shut up.”

(He gives me my register assignment and assures me I’ll have the weekend off. I take my till and set up at my register, focusing all my energy on pretending to be pleasant for customers. The store manager comes over, having heard part of my conversation with [Assistant Manager].)

Store Manager: *concerned* “[My Name], what’s going on? What were you talking about with [Assistant Manager]?”

Me: “I told him there’s been a family emergency and I won’t be able to come in this weekend. He got all nasty about the schedule not being for my convenience and demanded to know why I needed the weekend off, so I told him my nana just died yesterday and this weekend is the wake and funeral.”

Store Manager: *shocked* “[My Name], you take all the time you need. Take Monday off too if you want. I’ll speak with [Assistant Manager].”

Me: “Thanks, [Store Manager].”

(She walked back to the managers’ station and from a good 30 feet or so away I could hear her yelling, “What the bleeding hell is wrong with you?!” at Assistant Manager. He couldn’t look me in the eye for a week after that.)


They Won’t Let You Finnish A Sentence

| FL, USA | Employees, Family & Kids, Health & Body, Ignoring & Inattentive, Language & Words

(We are a Finnish family on a holiday in Florida. In the middle of the night my mom comes out of her bedroom saying that she can not breathe. We call 911 and explain the situation. The ambulance arrives after a while. Note: my mother does not speak any English.)

Paramedic: “So where’s the patient?”

Me: “Over there, but she doesn’t…”

Paramedic: “We’ll take over from here!”

Me: “Sure, but she doesn’t speak…”

Paramedic: “Please, sir, we’ve got this.”

Me: “Sure, but she won’t understand…”

(The paramedics completely ignore us from this moment on. We try to tell them that they can not communicate with my mother, because they simply have no common language, but nobody seems to listen.)

Paramedic: “Please, ma’am, we’re here to help you. What is the problem?”

Mom: *speaking in Finnish*

Me: “She’s saying—“

Paramedic: “Please, sir, step back. We’ve got this.”

Me: “But…”

Paramedic: “Back off, sir. We are professionals. Ma’am what’s the problem you’re having?”

Mom: *speaking Finnish to us, saying that she doesn’t understand*

Me: *getting frustrated* “Do you not understand that she does not speak English? She only speaks Finnish! Let me translate!”

Paramedic: “We can’t do anything if the patient is not cooperating with us.” *speaking in his walkie-talkie* “The patient is being uncooperative.”

Me: *getting super-frustrated* “What the f*** are you talking about? I have just explained to you that she does not speak any English, and have offered to interpret for you but you refused! She only speaks Finnish! That is the language of Finland!”

(My family members are having this same discussion with several paramedics trying to explain that she needs one of us to translate. Nobody seems to take us seriously and one paramedic is actually laughing at the situation before my brother confronts him. Finally one of them realizes that they are not getting anywhere, calls a number on his cell phone, and hands the phone to my mom.)

Mom: *in Finnish* “Hello?”

Voice On The Phone: *speaking Spanish*

Mom: *in Finnish* “I don’t understand anything. There’s someone speaking in another language I don’t understand.”

Paramedic: “The patient is still unwilling to cooperate.”

Me: *completely losing my temper* “What the f***? Did I not tell you that she only speaks Finnish? She can not breathe! She’s f***ing dying right in front of us! You will take her to a f***ing hospital right now!”

(Eventually they took us to a hospital and I was allowed to go along to translate. The doctors and nurses at the hospital were much nicer and my mother got the care that she needed and was eventually released.)


An Alco-Hole In Your Reasoning

| NC, USA | Employees, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

(My mom and I are the weird customers in this story. My mom and her partner just bought a house together, and we go to a store that specializes in wines and beers to pick out some refreshments for the house-warming party. Of note: we’ve always had a weird vocabulary, my mom almost never drinks, and I’m 16 when this takes place.)

Mom: “Hmm…” *trying to figure out what beer to get*

Employee: “How can I help you ladies today?”

Mom: “Well, we’re having a little get-together, and I’m just now realizing I have no idea what I’m doing.”

Employee: *turning to me* “And, may I ask, how old are you?”

Mom: “My daughter’s sixteen, but she’s with me.”

Me: “I’m just here in a pack-mule capacity.”

Mom: “I’ve never been big on alcohol, and I suspect she takes after her mother in that regard, but I know most of the people who are coming to our house-warming party would want a beer or a glass of wine. Can you help us?”

(The employee helped pick out some general crowd-pleasers, but kept eyeing me like she expected me to pop the lid off a bottle and start chugging it down. My step-mom ended up declaring one of the picks to be her new favorite wine!)

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