Category: Food & Drink

Fat Chance Of Firing Family

| UK | Bad Behavior, Employees, Food & Drink, Health & Body

(While ordering:)

Me: “Do you have any bacon?”

Waitress: “Bacon? I think we do.”

Me: “I’ll have a BLT then, please.”

Waitress: *looking me up and down* “Wouldn’t you prefer a salad? You look obese enough already!”

(She was within earshot of the owner, who then dragged her, by the ear, out of the bar.)

Owner: *coming up to us* “Here’s a life lesson: NEVER employ family!”

Pine Away

| CA, USA | Food & Drink

(It’s late on 4th of July, about 30 minutes before the pizza place is going to close. I have been doing Uber for several hours and ready to end it for the night and wanting to order to pick up on my way home.)

Employee: “Thank you for calling [Pizza Place]. Is this for dine in, carry out, or delivery?”

Me: “Order for pick up.”

Employee: *after getting my name and number* “What would you like to order?”

Me: “A small pepperoni and pineapple.”

Employee: “Oh, I’m sorry, but we are out of pineapple tonight.”

Me: “Oh, no!”

Employee: “We are also out of chicken, green onions, and anchovies.”

Me: “Well, I’m not so sad about the last one but pineapple is kind of vital for my pizza…”

This Hamburger Does Not Exist

| MN, USA | Food & Drink, Ignoring & Inattentive, Lazy/Unhelpful

(My friends walks into a theater and see a hamburger smashed into the floor. They conscientiously decide to go tell a theater employee.)

Friends: “There’s a hamburger on the floor in the theater.”

Usher: “We don’t sell hamburgers.”

Friends: “Well, there’s still one on the floor in there.”

Usher: “But we don’t sell hamburgers.”

(Friends gave up and went back to watch their movie.)

Carry Yourself Out

| Sacramento, CA, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words

(My husband and I decide to call and order pizza for dinner, from a franchise a few blocks away. I’m sitting next to him when he makes the call, so I can hear both sides of the conversation.)

Husband: “Hello? I’d like to place an order for carry-out, please.”

Employee: “For… what?”

Husband: “Carry-out. I want to order pizza for carry-out?”

Employee: “Uh… Is that pick-up or delivery?”

(My husband doesn’t handle dumb questions well, and I can tell he’s determined to get his point through to this employee, maybe in an attempt to educate them.)

Husband: “You don’t know what carry-out means? It means I want to order a pizza, and you make it, and then I go over there and CARRY IT OUT of the store myself. Hence the term ‘carry-out.’ It’s self explanatory.”

Employee: “So… pick-up, then?”

(We both roll our eyes.)

Husband: *silently mouthing to me* “Oh, my god.” *to the employee* “YES.”

(Unsurprisingly, the rest of the order went in a similar fashion, with my husband asking for items off their menu and the employee on the phone having no idea what he was talking about. For example, when he asked for a pepperoni pizza with “double the pepperoni,” the employee was completely lost. Finally he completes his order and hangs up.)

Me: “You can’t expect everyone to have common sense, [Husband].”

Wine-ing About The Size Of The Shirt

| London, England, UK | Employees, Food & Drink, Health & Body

(I’m at the pub with some friends, and I go to the bar to order a round of drinks. While the girl working behind the bar is sorting out the drinks, the following conversation takes place:)

Girl: “I really like your top!”

Me: “Oh, thanks! It’s from [Shop] — actually, it’s in the sale at the moment. You should have a look on their website!”

Girl: “Ooh, really? Thanks! I will!”

(She then goes over to the wine fridges at the other end of the bar, turns around, and calls out to me:)

Girl: “Is that a large?”

Me: “Um…?”

Girl: “OH! THE WINE! Is the WINE a large?!”

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