Category: Food & Drink

A Healthy Knowledge Of Unhealthy Foods

| UT, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I’m working as the executive admin for a three-year-old company that has grown very quickly to be international. There’s a VVIP group coming in for a few days to meet with the executive team and I’ve been asked to coordinate meals.)

Me: “Since they’re going to be here early in the morning, do you want me to have breakfast catered? There are several places nearby that do breakfast catering and they’re pretty good.”

Executive: “That’s not necessary. We’ll really just want something quick and easy every morning. Could you pick up something on your way in? Don’t do donuts, they’re too unhealthy, but some healthy pastries would be great.”

Me: “Um… healthy pastries?”

Executive: “Yes, that would be great!”

(The next morning I stopped and got bagels from a gourmet bagel place because they were the healthiest pastry I could think of. I was pulled aside by the executive later that day.)

Executive: “Why did you bring bagels? I said healthy pastries!”

Me: “I honestly can’t think of any tasty pastries that are healthy.”

Executive: “They’re out there! Tomorrow make sure we have them!”

(The next day I went to a European bakery on my way into the office and picked up a dozen beautiful, buttery, gourmet pastries. The same executive came up to me later that day.)

Executive: “Those pastries were perfect! I told you that you could figure something out!”

Me: “Those were definitely NOT healthy.”

Executive: “They were what I was talking about though, so keep that place in mind for next time!”

The Sub Is Sinking

| USA | Employees, Food & Drink

Me: “Can you add just a tad of barbeque sauce to my sub?”

Sour Faced Worker: *snatches sauce and proceeds to engulf my sub with it* “More?”

Me: “…”

(Always happens with her.)

Got A Cold Burn

| Madison, WI, USA | Coworkers, Food & Drink

(This morning, a coworker has brought in a large pot of coffee to share with everyone. It’s now afternoon, and the leftover coffee is no longer hot. Coworker #1 is complaining about the cold coffee.)

Coworker #2: “You could always make iced coffee.”

Coworker #1: “Like… with ice?”

Coworker #2: “Yes? What do you usually put in iced coffee?”

Coworker #1: “…bourbon?”

Trying To Get Yourself Eggs-communicated

| Australia | Coworkers, Food & Drink, Pun

(My coworker tried to warm up an egg in the microwave, not realising the egg would explode. We laughed about it and moved on. An hour later I realised something…)

Me: “Hey… hey, [Coworker]? Your egg… it eggsploded.”

Made A Whoopie Whoopsie

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Employees, Food & Drink, Ignoring & Inattentive

(My dad and I are visiting family in Toronto. We are going to get food and drinks for everyone. We are the only customers there.)

Dad: “Hi, I want two small black coffees, a cream cheese bagel, and uh–” *looks at me* “What do you want?”

Me: “A chocolate whoopie pie doughnut, please.”

Dad: “…and a chocolate doughnut.”

Cashier: “Okay.”

(I’m watching the screen that shows the order and notice she typed the wrong doughnut.)

Me: “Um… did you tell her I wanted a chocolate whoopie pie doughnut?”

Cashier: *annoyed* “I know what you want. I just typed in the wrong thing.”

(My dad and I know how easy it is to make a mistake, so we don’t say anything. A few minutes later:)

Cashier: “Okay, here’s what you ordered…” *puts everything but the doughnut and a coffee on the counter*

Dad: “Um…. you forgot the doughnut and coffee.”

Cashier: “Oh! I’ll go get them.” *takes a long time to get the coffee*

Me: “You, forgot the whoopie pie doughnut.”

Cashier: *annoyed sigh, gives me a box*

Dad: *leaving the store* “This coffee tastes weird. So… how’s your doughnut?”

Me: *looks in box* “They gave me the wrong doughnut.”

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