Category: Food & Drink

A Foregone Confusion

, | MA, USA | Employees, Food & Drink, Ignoring & Inattentive, Top

Me: “I’d like a hamburger, small fries and a small [Soda] to go.”

Employee: “A hamburger. Would you like fries with that?”

Me: “Yes, a small fry and a small [Soda] to go.”

Employee: “What size fries would you like?”

Me: “Small…and a small [Soda]. To go.”

Employee: “Would you like something to drink?”

Me: “Yes, a small [Soda]. To go.”

Employee: “What size [Soda] would you like?”

Me: “Small. To go.”

Employee: “Would you like that for here or to go?”

Me: “You know… I knew you were going to ask me that.”

Color Her Stupid

| Glendale, CA, USA | Bigotry, Employees, Food & Drink, Top

(Note: I’m an albino woman eating at a family restaurant. After our waitress serves us our bread, this exchange happens.)

Waitress: “Excuse me, ma’am, but I think it’s a bad idea to bleach your hair.”

Me: “Oh, I don’t bleach it. It’s naturally white.”

Waitress: “Huh?”

Me: “I’m an albino. I was born with white hair.”

Waitress: “Oh, my god that is so hilarious!” *begins laughing uncontrollably*

(Not surprisingly, I found out a week later she had been fired.)

Not Getting To The Meat Of The Problem

, | Des Moines, IA, USA | Employees, Food & Drink, Ignoring & Inattentive, Top

(I’ve just picked up some burgers for dinner, only to get home to find there is something wrong with the double cheeseburger I ordered. I return to the restaurant.)

Me: “Hey, there’s a little something missing from my double cheeseburger.”

(I unwrap it to show only a bun with cheese in between it; there’s no meat or condiments.)

Employee: *looks at the burger* “Sir, what is missing? This looks right to me.”

Me: “Uh, the hamburger. It’s a double cheeseburger without any hamburger.”

Employee: “Did you order it this way? If that’s how your ordered it, there isn’t anything I can do.”

Me: “No, I ordered a double cheeseburger.”

(I show the receipt which confirms this.)

Employee: “Okay…”

(The employee walks back, but only brings out a regular cheeseburger.)

Me: “I had a double cheeseburger.”

Employee: “Oh.”

(The employee turns back, but comes out with two cheeseburgers.)

Me: “No, a double cheeseburger, not two cheeseburgers.”

(Finally, a shift manager walks over.)

Manager: “What seems to be the problem?”

Me: “I ordered a double cheeseburger, and instead received a cheeseburger with only a bun and cheese.”

Manager: “If that’s how you ordered it, there is nothing we can do.”

Me: “I ordered a DOUBLE cheeseburger; this is a cheese BUN. There is no burger in my double cheeseburger.”

Manager: “Oh, I understand. Sorry, sir.” *hollers to the back* “Double cheeseburger, with no burger!”

(I told him to just forget it, and took the two single cheeseburgers!)

Equal Opportunity Innuender

| Milwaukee, WI, USA | Employees, Food & Drink, Rude & Risque

(I’m a 16-year-old male waiting for my order. Several employees–all of them guys, except for a single female, are working on it.)

Female Employee: *to male coworkers* “Chop, chop! Let’s get it moving back there!”

Male Coworkers: *rolling their eyes*

Female Employee: “Hurry it up with that salami!”

(After some time, the new salami is cut and the female employee begins wrapping my sandwich.)

Female Employee: “God, that took forever! It felt so good to finally shove some meat in there!”

(There’s a brief, awkward pause while I stand their silently. Finally, the female employee speaks up.)

Female Employee: “That’s what SHE said.”

Me: “Wait…but you’re a girl!”

Female Employee: “Does it really matter, hon?” *leans over the counter at me and licks her lips*

Me: *shocked silence*

A Few Slices Short Of A Pie

| Canton, MI, USA | Employees, Food & Drink

(I’m picking up a pizza.)

Me: “Man, that smells good! Do you think my family will mind if I eat a piece before I get home?”

Employee: “How will they know?”