Category: Food & Drink

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Clutching At Strawberries

| Chicago, IL USA | Coworkers, Food & Drink

(I notice some strawberries in our cooler that I had sliced the day before. They still looked good to eat, but I thought they might be too old to serve. I decided to check with the chef before I took them for a snack.)

Me: “[Chef], we can’t still use those sliced strawberries for anything, can we?”

Chef: “No, they’re already a day old. We can’t sell them.”

Me: “So, I can have them?”

Chef: “Yeah, sure. What do you need them for?”

Me: “For my stomach.”

Chef: “What’s wrong with your stomach?”

Me: “There’s no strawberries in it!”

(They were still delicious!)

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Doesn’t Have The Sheep’s Stomach For Your Assumptions

| Edinburgh, Scotland, UK | Employees, Food & Drink, Tourists & Travel

(I am a Canadian backpacker and go into a pub on the Royal Mile in Edinburgh. I approach the bartender.)

Me: “Hi, ‘scuse me, I had a question about the menu—”

Bartender: *sigh* “Haggis is sheep’s liver, lungs and heart, cooked in its stomach, and no, I’m not joking.”

Me: “I know THAT. My parents are both members of the Royal Vancouver Island Scottish Country Dance Society and my friends all think they’re terminally weird after hearing about how we have to drink a toast to sheep guts every January 25th. Now could you please tell me how many sausages come with the bangers and mash?”

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Bacon And On

| Blaine, MN, USA | Employees, Food & Drink, Ignoring & Inattentive

(A new restaurant, of a franchise chain I only heard of recently, opens near where I am. As I haven’t had anything to eat all day, I decide to go.)

Me: “I’ll have [Chicken Sandwich] and fries.”

Cashier: “Okay, that’ll be right out.”

(A few minutes later, I get my food. I open the sandwich to pull out the tomatoes, only to find that they gave me the wrong sandwich, the one that adds bacon. I bring the sandwich back.)

Me: “I ordered the one without bacon.”

(They took it back with an apology. They brought out another sandwich a few minutes later, and I opened it to find that they brought me the same incorrect sandwich. Rather than bug them again, I simply took the bacon off and ate it anyway.)

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Lost In Your Salad Days

| NJ, USA | Employees, Food & Drink, Ignoring & Inattentive, Time

Coworker: “Would you like any lettuce on this?”

Customer: “You’ve already put lettuce on there.”

Coworker: “Oh! Sorry, I didn’t realize!”

Customer: “That’s okay, it’s Monday after all.”

Coworker: “It’s Wednesday… isn’t it?”

Customer: “So it is.”

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In A Vegetative State

| Hammonton, NJ, USA | Employees, Food & Drink, Ignoring & Inattentive

Me: “Hey, can I have a veggie burger, plain? Just cheese, please.”

Worker: “A veggie burger… with just cheese? Um, okay.”

(I get my food, open it up, and my “burger” is just a single slice of cheese between two buns.)

Me: “Um, hi, I wanted a veggie burger?” *shows bun*

Worker: “Yeah, but you wanted just cheese.”

Me: “Well, I mean I didn’t want condiments or the lettuce and stuff, but I still want the veggie burger.”

Worker: “If you don’t want the lettuce and tomato, there’s nothing left. Just cheese.”

Me: “Oh, no, you have an item on your menu, see?” *points* “It’s an actual patty, like a hamburger patty, but instead of hamburger it’s soy and veggies and stuff.”

Worker: “Oh, I thought you just wanted, like, lettuce and stuff. We have a veggie patty?”

Me: “Yeah. It’s shaped like a hamburger patty and looks like a hamburger patty and cooked like a hamburger patty.”

Worker: “Okay, just a moment.”

(I get my burger and it’s an actual hamburger with vegetable toppings on it.)

Me: “Can someone help you with this? I get this from this location once or twice a month so someone in the kitchen should know of it.”

(The worker shuffles to the back and then comes back up front.)

Worker: “Okay, it will be ready soon.”

(It finally came out with the veggie patty but also with all the condiments and toppings on. At this point, after almost 30 minutes of being there, I just scraped it all off and used the dry bun and cheese from the original “burger” she had given me but never took back.)