Category: Food & Drink

Way Beyond Hot

| TX, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names

(I’m waiting a table one day after a busy rush ends.)

Customer: “Do y’all have any hot sauce?”

Me: “Absolutely, ma’am! We have two kinds, would you like Tabasco or… something else.”

Customer: *very confused look* “Um, what?”

Me: “Sorry! I just completely blanked on what our other hot sauce is called!”

Customer: *laughing* “Tabasco will be fine, thanks.”

(I had never been so embarrassed in front of a customer. Thank goodness she was one of the polite ones.)

You Give Me Lol(a)s

| Canada | Food & Drink, Funny Names

(I’m at a coffee shop to get a drink. This location is in a city full of people new to Canada and staffed by people whose first language isn’t English.)

Cashier: “Hi, what can I get for you?”

Me: “Hi. I’d like a tall matcha latte, please.”

Cashier: “Sure. Can I have your name, please?”

Me: “Laura.”

Cashier: *as she’s writing the name* “Could you spell that for me?”

Me: “L-A-U-R-A.”

Cashier: *finishes writing the name, looking a bit flustered* “Okay. Your total is [total].”

Me: *pays*

Cashier: “Okay. Your drink will come at that end.”

Me: “Thank you.” *moves to the end of the counter*

(After a few moments, my drink comes out.)

Barista: “Tall matcha latte for… uh… um… Tall matcha latte!”

(I take the drink. The cashier had written “rora” and tried to correct it to “LoLa”, turning it into “VoVa” instead.)

You Say Tomato, I Say Scam

| WY, USA | At The Checkout, Employees, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(My roommate and I are at a fast food restaurant with two names, depending on which region you live in. They are known for having left and right drive-thru lanes as well as walk up windows. I drive up to the speaker in the left lane that requires the passenger to pay at the window and collect the food, but the driver orders at the speaker. Important to note: their burgers are always pre-made, so when you ask for something to be left off, they just pull it off unless you mention an allergy. Horrible, I know. But they’re open super late, and it’s slim pickings for someone that gets off work at midnight.)

Cashier: “Order when you’re ready.”

Me: “We have two separate orders. For the first one, I have a coupon for [some meal deal], small, Coke to drink, please. No tomato. For the second order, we have the same coupon. Small, cherry Coke.”

Cashier: “All right, I’ll have your totals at the window when I get the coupons. Please pull forward.”

(As I’m pulling up, my roommate turns to me.)

Roommate: “Can I have your tomato for my sandwich?”

Me: “Absolutely, I hate those things. Cancel the no tomato for mine and ask them to put it on yours when we get up there.”

Roommate: *to cashier at the window* “Can you please put her tomato on my sandwich instead of tossing it?”

Cashier: *stares for a moment* “Uh… I’d have to charge you for it.”

(We both just stare at him, hoping he will realize how ridiculous that is…. He does not.)

Roommate: “You’re going to toss it. Instead of tossing it in the trash, toss it on my burger. Why would you charge me for that? I guess I can understand if it’s restaurant policy not to put it on another order or something…”

Cashier: “We don’t have a policy like that. But you’re asking me for extra tomato, I have to charge. You can’t get something extra for nothing.”

Me: “We aren’t asking for extra… Just… forget the no tomato on my order. Leave it on, please.” *to my roommate* “I’ll pass it to you when we drive away, then. This is kind of silly.”

Cashier: *overhearing* “Then I still have to charge you for the extra tomato on her sandwich. That’s how it works.”

Roommate: “Don’t you dare! What are you missing here? Two [meal deals] just as they come, no modifications, please and thanks. That’s it, really.”

Cashier: “Oh, okay!” *rings us up and hands her the bag through the window*

Both: *in unison* “Thanks!”

(Before I pulled off I opened the bag, unwrapped both burgers, and placed my tomato slice on her sandwich. We both smiled at the cashier, who was staring with disbelief, and I drove off.)

Muffin Flop, Part 2

| Baltimore, MD, USA | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I am standing in the break room, warming up a couple of muffins for breakfast. A coworker comes in.)

Coworker: “I don’t know how you do it. You get up every morning and bake two muffins for yourself. That seems like so much trouble.”

Me: *thinking this is some kind of joke* “Uh… what?”

Coworker: “You bake two muffins every morning! That’s a lot of trouble!”

Me: *realizing she’s sincere* “I bake a batch over the weekend and just keep them in the refrigerator.”

(A look of amazement comes over my coworker’s face.)

Coworker: “YOU CAN DO THAT?! I thought you had to eat them all right away so they don’t go bad!”

Me: *still not entirely convinced this isn’t a joke* “Uh, it’s just basic. They’re not that perishable. Really, are you serious?”

Coworker: “Yeah! I didn’t know that!”

Me: *bewildered, a bit horrified, I take my muffins out* “Well, I got a bunch of stuff to do…”

(I scampered back to my desk, and later heard her talking to someone else about how she didn’t know you could keep muffins. Apparently she rarely kept ANY leftovers, somehow thinking that food goes bad in minutes. And a few months later we repeated the scene; she entirely forgot the conversation.)

Directionless Direction

| OK, USA | Employees, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I live on corner on a main road. The cross street is clearly numbered (like 143rd street). The cross street doesn’t continue so it is T with 2 corners. I live on one corner and the other corner is a 40-acre field, and the opposite of both corners is just woods. After ordering food, my instructions to the driver included the cross street and house number and I say “it’s the only house at the intersection.”)

Driver: “Hey, I’ve been driving around and I can’t find your house.”

Me: “Where are you?”

Driver: “At the corner of [X] and [Y].”

Me: “What do the directions say?”

Driver: “That it’s the only house at the corner of [X] and [Y].”

Me: “Do you see a house?”

Driver: “Yes.”

Me: “Is it the only house at the intersection?”

Driver: “Yes.”

Me: “Any reason you can’t deliver it to me there?”

Driver: “Well, I guess not.”

(It would have been bad enough if it happened once, but it happened a lot. I eventually refined the instructions to indicate which street the house faced, but even that didn’t help.)