Category: Geography


Darwin Wasn’t Right About These Idiots

| Canberra, ACT, Australia | Geography, Liars/Scammers

(I am at my mother-in-law’s house visiting, with my husband. My mother-in-law gets a lot of calls from telemarketers… at least 20 a day. I would answer them sometimes just for fun and mess around with the telemarketers. After all, our repeated attempts to get them to stop calling has fallen on deaf ears in the past.)

Telemarketer: *with a strong accent, but trying to sound Australian* “G’day mate, sir, I am just calling because I am offering to you a true blue, fair dinkum holiday to Darwin!”

Me: “Oh, cool! Wow! That’s awesome! But before I accept… can you tell me which state Darwin is in?”

Telemarketer: “…Uh, of course! I am Australian! I would know! It’s in Tasmania.”

Me: “Oooh, yeah, no… I guess you failed to scam me today. Better luck next time!” *I hang up*

(At the time, it was on the news in Australia that there were telemarketers from overseas who were learning to put on Australian accents and outdated/cliché colloquialisms to pretend to be wholesome Australian companies. Scammers followed, giving away “awesome holidays” and “prizes.” All we had to do was hand over our bank details and identities. Trouble for them is the fact that it’s rare that anyone overseas can actually impersonate an Australian accent without sounding like an idiot. What a great laugh we had, though. Finally we found a website that stopped the calls completely, but that’s not as much fun.)


This Call Is Going Down(load)

| NC, USA | Geography, Ignoring & Inattentive, Lazy/Unhelpful, Technology

(My dad is on the phone with a tech company’s customer service, trying to figure out why a critical detail of an order he placed has now changed.)

Dad: “I ordered your software disc, but now your website is saying I have to download it. The software isn’t for me. I need the disc, the physical copy.”


Dad: “What do you mean, you don’t have it on disc?! I specifically selected, and paid shipping on, an actual physical copy because the person it’s for cannot download it!”


Dad: “You haven’t traveled much, I can tell. Most of the world doesn’t have the kind of Internet access you’re obviously used to. Is there a manager or supervisor I could speak to? Because you can’t help me.”


Dad: “Okay, so tell me: where is your store in Antananarivo, Madagascar? There isn’t one, is there? Well, that’s where I do business, and that’s where MY DISC is going once you MAIL IT TO ME.”


Dad: “Charlotte! That’s an hour and a half from where I live! You want me to waste fifty bucks on gas, just to get something YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO MAIL TO ME?! That I’ve already paid for! Just transfer me to your supervisor already!


Dad: “Hello? Hey, hello? They hung up on me!”

(He called the Charlotte store next, explained his problem, and was quickly informed that he could download the software he’d paid for and transfer it via flash drive, much less likely to be damaged in transit than a disc.)

A Bad (Den)Mark Against Your Name

| New York City, NY, USA | Bosses & Owners, Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Geography

(I used to work at this location before I was transferred to a new location that I am much happier with. Every summer, we offer a tourist discount to any tourists who shows proof, like an ID or passport. An older couple and their adult son enter the store.)

Me: “Hi! Welcome to [Store]. Where are you visiting from?”

Adult Son: “We are from Denmark.”

Me: “Nice! We offer a 10% discount to tourists with passport.”

Adult Son: “Okay, great! I’ll look around to see what I would like.”

(I proceed to help him with questions about our products. He ends up spending a large amount, even with the discount.)

Me: “Thanks for shopping. Hope you have a safe trip back home!”

Adult Son: “Thanks! Have a good day.”

(With any promotion going on, corporate has us fill a tracking form to see the progress. I enter how much the tourist spent, and which country the person was from. It was until my former coworker stopped me to ask me this:)

Coworker: “How are you going to tell corporate that Denmark is a country?”

Me: “Because Denmark is a country in Europe…”

Coworker: “No, it’s not! It doesn’t sound like it.”

Me: “Denmark is a country in Europe! Do you want me to show you on a map?”

(I proceeded to pull up an image of the European map, and pointed to where Denmark is. She didn’t say anything, but shrugged her shoulders. I also showed her an article to show additional proof of Denmark’s European validity, which said “Kingdom of Denmark.”)

Coworker: “Oh look, it says ‘Kingdom of Denmark,’ so Denmark is part of England.”

Me: “No, Denmark is not part of the UK.”

Coworker: “But it says right there: ‘Kingdom of Denmark.’”

Me: “Yes, it says ‘Kingdom of Denmark,’ but they aren’t part of the UK. They are their own kingdom.”

Coworker: “Why would they call themselves a kingdom if they aren’t part of England? It sounded like Denmark is somewhere in America. It sounded very American.”

Me: “If I told you I am from York, would you think that I’m from York, Pennsylvania or York, England?”

Coworker: “I don’t know. I would think you’re from Pennsylvania because you speak like an American.”

(At times, my former manager calls the store to check any sales progress if she isn’t working. I answer the phone, and tell her the confusion my coworker had.)

Manager: “It’s okay, corporate doesn’t have to know YOU made a mistake. Just change the country to Italy, and they don’t have to know that you gave the discount to Denmark.”

Me: “But Denmark is a country in Europe!”

Manager: “No, it’s not. Just change it, and you’ll be fine.”

(Needless to say, I didn’t change it, and I didn’t get into trouble. The company opened a new location, of which I made the wise decision to transfer. I now work with a more intelligent crowd that definitely knows where Denmark is!)

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