Category: Health & Body

Don’t Make Him Drill That Into Your Brain

| Vancouver, BC, Canada | Employees, Family & Kids, Health & Body, Top

(I’m sitting in the waiting room of a dental office. A dentist walks out of a room with a child and is giving him a briefing.)

Dentist: “Alright, so try not to eat any foods for the next hour.”

Young Patient: “Okay!”

Dentist: “And no drinking pop or juice or anything like that for the next hour as well.”

Young Patient: “Okay!”

Dentist: “But water is okay.”

Young Patient: “Okay!”

Dentist: “And no smoking for 40 years!”

Young Patient: “…Okay?”

Why You Never Stereo-Type

, | Fredericton, NB, Canada | Bigotry, Employees, Food & Drink, Health & Body

(I have just gotten out of the hospital after being diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. It’s a huge change for me as I now have to take insulin injections and watch what I eat. The cashier at the fast food restaurant is a girl in her late twenties.)

Cashier: “Hi, what can I get for you?”

Me: “Actually, can I see a menu with the nutrition information on it, please?”

Cashier: *rolls her eyes and sighs* “Here ya go…”

Me: “Thank you…okay, I’ll have a grilled chicken salad, please.”

Cashier: “And I suppose you want LIGHT dressing?”

Me: “Yes, please.”

Cashier: “And I SUPPOSE you want a DIET Coke?”

Me: “Yes, thank you.”

Cashier: “You teenage girls are all the same, doing crash diets and having self esteem issues. It’s getting old. ”

Me: “Wow… well, thanks for your concern, but I just got out of the hospital.” *show her my hospital bracelet* “I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes and now take lots of injections and check my blood sugar when I eat. That means I have to eat the right amount of carbs.”

Cashier: *turns red* “Well, I didn’t mean you. But you know how teenage girls are!” *gives me my receipt and bolts to the kitchen*

Time For Career Path Resuscitation

| Sunshine Coast, Australia | Employees, Health & Body, Ignoring & Inattentive

(While we’re driving, an old man has fallen over onto the road right in front of our car, pulling his elderly wife down with him. We screech to a halt, just barely managing to avoid running them over. My mum and dad are both emergency consultants and are high-ranking doctors who command emergency wards. Mum jumps out of the car to stop other traffic and my dad heads to the downed couple to help them off the road. The woman is visibly shaken, but the man is incoherent and unable to stand. My dad quickly gets me to call an ambulance and sets about helping the man as best he can. Eventually, the ambulance arrives. A paramedic jumps out and zeroes in on the old man.)

Paramedic: “Okay, every thing’s alright now.” *to my dad* “Sir, are you the one who called the ambulance?”

My Dad: “Yes…”  

(My dad proceeds to give a doctor-handover to the paramedic, including symptoms, current stats and his diagnosis, which is basically that the old man’s heart keeps skipping a beat and he needs to go to hospital right now. The paramedic doesn’t look at my dad the entire time.)

Paramedic: “If you’ll step aside, sir, I can examine the patient.” *to the semi-unconscious man* “Sir?  What’s your name?”

My Dad: “His name is [name]. I just told you. He’s having trouble talking, but his wife told us.”

Paramedic: *to my dad* “Sir, I need you to step away so I can do my job. I know this is scary and you think you’re helping, but—”

My Mum: “Oh my God, are you being serious?!”

(My dad gives mum a look that tells her to let it go.)

My Dad: “Okay, let me help you set up your equipment.”

Paramedic: “No, it’s really very complicated. I’ll do it…”

(My dad steps back to let the paramedic work, thinking that the old man will get to the hospital faster if he just goes along with it. However, the paramedic is fumbling and confusing his equipment and generally wasting time.)

My Dad: “Let me help you with that.”
(Before the paramedic can say anything, my dad kneels down and fixes the equipment. Within about a minute, the entire thing is set up and attached with about a dozen wires to the old man. The paramedic finally looks my dad in the eyes.)

Paramedic: *gasps* “You’re [Dad’s name]!”

My Dad: “Yes.”

Paramedic: *looks a little pale* “I’ve gone to your lectures! I—”

My Dad: “—”worked with me on a few retrievals, I know. Are you ready for a handover yet?”

Paramedic: *embarrassed* “Yes, sir.”

(My dad proceeds to tell the paramedic exactly what he told him when he first arrived. This time, however, the paramedic is following and nodding.)

My Dad: “Oh, and one last thing: when you arrive and someone starts speaking like a doctor, listen to him, or at least look directly at him to check if he’s your boss. Now, get this man to the ED before he dies and we’ll talk about this more later.”

Paramedic: “Yes, sir!”

Immaculate Misconception

| Springfield, MA, USA | Employees, Extra Stupid, Health & Body

(I’m 14 and seeing a gynecologist for the first time.)

Nurse: “Have you ever been sexually active?”

Me: “No.”

Nurse: “Have you ever been pregnant?”

Suffering From An Allergic Infraction

, | Augusta, GA, USA | Employees, Food & Drink, Health & Body

(Note: I’m allergic to tomatoes.)

Me: “Hi, this has ketchup and tomatoes. Can I get new one with no tomato products?”

Cashier: “Ugh! There are children starving! You should be thankful!”

Me: “I’m allergic to tomatoes, so I can’t eat this.”

Cashier: “FINE!” *opens burger and takes off tomato slice* “Here!”

Me: “Um… the ketchup?”

Cashier: “What about it?!”

Me: “It’s made of tomatoes.”

Cashier: “No, it isn’t. Don’t be stupid!”

(At this point, the manager comes over.)

Manager: *to the cashier*You’re the stupid one. No wonder so many people complain about you.” *to me* “I’m sorry. I’ll get you a new burger.”

(I got a new burger. Needless to say, the cashier got fired.)