Category: Health & Body

Camping On The Organ Trail

| Portland, OR, USA | Coworkers, Health & Body

(My coworker was recently out for a little more than a week on emergency medical leave. He’s been back for about two weeks and is discussing plans to go camping. He has a good sense of humor so everybody in the department has been teasing him about being lazy and taking a week off just because he had appendicitis.)

Coworker: “Yeah, I’m taking four days off to go camping in three weeks.”

Me: *jokingly* “You’re taking MORE days off? You just took a week off without any warning. Why should you get even more time off?”

Coworker: *jokingly* “My appendix EXPLODED! I think that deserves some sympathy.”

Me: “Excuses, excuses.”

(We both had a good chuckle and got back to work. At least this time he’s made sure his work is taken care of while he’s gone instead of the rest of scrambling to get his shift covered.)

Making A Clean Sale

| UK | Employees, Health & Body, Math & Science

(I am walking by a woman selling a popular water filtering brand at a stall.)

Woman: “Hi! Can I interest you in [Brand] today? They’re on sale and SOO good for you.”

Me: “No, thanks. I’ve always found them a bit too pretentious for my liking.”

Woman: “Oh, but think of all the nasty evil chemicals you drink everyday from just regular water.”

Me: “I’ve lived of that water for 25 years. I can’t say I’m any worse off.”

Woman: “But all of those nasty evil chemicals can do so much damage! You have to think of your health!”

Me: “The UK has some of the cleanest drinking water in the world.”

Woman: “Oh, but—”

Me: “Not to mention that in some parts, water — ANY water — is a luxury to have. I actually can’t imagine anything worse than suggesting that the water drunk in Britain is so dangerous while in Africa every sip you take is a game of Russian Roulette.”

Woman: “Oh, umm…” *looking around embarrassed*

(I take a slow breath, realising how angry I have gotten.)

Me: “Look, I’m sorry if I went off on you. It’s just stuff like this is hard to swallow after spending two years with people who literally don’t have a choice in the matter, while one of the most advanced nations in the world boasts a choice between ‘clean’ and ‘even cleaner’ water.”

Woman: “Oh, it’s all right. I’ve just never thought of it like that. I guess we should thankful for what we have.”

Me: “Yeah, that’s how I see it. Again, I’m sorry.”

(I walked away and started my shopping. Five minutes later, though, I saw her with another woman going gaga over how much better “even cleaner water” is (direct quote). I hope she didn’t abuse my rant to get better sales…)

Will Be Hearing About This For Months

, | BC, Canada | Bosses & Owners, Coworkers, Health & Body

(I’m about seven-months pregnant, although it maybe only looks like I’m five months. I walk everywhere because I don’t have a car, and my town doesn’t have transit, so I’m fairly active. The owner of the restaurant comes down for our staff meeting. I am on my break when he walks in.)

Owner: “Stand up.”

Me: “What? Why?”

Owner: “Just stand up.”

Me: *stands up*

Owner: “You’re not almost due. [Manager] said you’re almost due!”

Me: “Yeah, my due date is the middle of August.”

Owner: “No! What, is it a hamster?! I look more pregnant than you do!”

(I had to show him my ultrasound pictures. Everyone that was in the break room had a good laugh about that.)

Out-Of-Controlled Substance, Part 2

| WI, USA | Employees, Health & Body

(I am at the pharmacy, picking up several medications. To pick up any medications, you have to give the address they have on file. Further, one of the medications is Schedule II, which means I need to have my ID. I pull out my ID and have it ready, waiting for the pharmacy tech to ask for it.)

Tech: “All right, your total is [price]. You can scan your card now!”

Me: *thinking they may have forgotten one of my medications* “Um… is my [controlled substance] in there?”

Tech: “Oh! Yeah, it is! I’ll need to see your ID.”

Me: *hands over the ID*

Tech: *finishes ringing me up, and starts handing me the bag, before pausing* “Oh, what’s your address?”

Me: “[Address].”

Tech: “All right, here you go!”

(As I left, I remembered I’m usually supposed to give my date of birth as well. Kinda takes the “controlled” out of controlled substances when I could’ve gotten it with nothing but a name… I’m just glad I caught it before the person got in big trouble.)

Out-Of-Controlled Substance

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Employees, Health & Body, Rude & Risque

(A few years ago, I was with a friend at a local pharmacy. She was looking for water-based lubricant, but could find none on the shelf. I told her that she should ask the pharmacist, since they would know if they stocked the item, and if not they could call other stores to find out. She expressed nervousness that the pharmacist would judge her, and I assured her that it would be entirely unprofessional to do such a thing, but that if it bothered her I would go and ask in her stead. After waiting in line the following exchanged took place.)

Me: “Hello, could you tell me if this, or one of your affiliated stores, carries water-based lubricant?”

Young Pharmacist: “What?”

Me: “Water-based lubricant.”

Young Pharmacist: *looks uneasy* “Why do you need it?”

Me: *confused at the question* “Personal use.”

Young Pharmacist: *becoming irritated* “I need to know exactly what you plan to do with it!”

Me: “Why?”

Young Pharmacist: *suddenly looking upset* “Because it is a controlled substance!”

Me: *thinks he is joking* “No, it’s not.”

Young Pharmacist: *more upset* “Yes, it is!”

Me: *now getting irritated at this very unprofessional behavior* “No! It’s not!”

Young Pharmacist: *now irate* “Yes, it is, and unless you tell me what you plan to do with it I will not sell it to you!”

Me: *now very irate* “For f******!”

Young Pharmacist: *now suddenly pale and uneasy looking* “What?”

Me: *still upset* “For f******! Probably with sex toys involved as well! Anal and vaginal fucking! Now, do you have it or not?!”

Young Pharmacist: *looking very uncomfortable* “I’ll need to get my manager to approve that.” *runs to the backs and has a heated sounding conversation just out of earshot*

(At this point, an older woman who is clearly the head pharmacist comes up to the counter, looking clearly annoyed to be pulled away from whatever she was doing.)

Older Pharmacist: “Hello, I am the head pharmacist here. Would you explain to me what you need the controlled substance for?”

Me: “F******! Sex! Fornication! Probably involving sex toys since certain ones melt if you use the wrong personal lubricant.”

Older Pharmacist: *looking confused* “Personal lubricant is not a controlled substance…”

Me: “That’s what I told him!” *points to Younger Pharmacist* “But he refused to believe me, then demanded to know what I was using it for, then dragged you up here, and now here we are!”

Older Pharmacist: *looks at Younger Pharmacist* “Seriously? You seriously dragged me up here for this?” *turns to the computer* “What kind were you looking for?”

Me: “I need a water-based lubricant; nothing fancy. Do you or any other store in the chain close by carry it?”

(The older pharmacist types for a while, and the younger pharmacist looks uncomfortable.)

Older Pharmacist: “I’m not seeing anything; you probably have to get it online.”

Me: “Thank you very much for all of your help.”

(As I turn to walk back to my friend I hear this exchange between the Older and Younger Pharmacists.)

Older Pharmacist: “If you are going to work in this field you have to stop being this way about sexual and reproductive items or you will not last long.”

(I went back to my friend, informed them of the outcome, and we left. I am so happy that they dealt with me instead of her, as she would have left the pharmacy in tears with no answers.)