Category: Health & Body


Christmas Music Can Be Drilling

| VA, USA | Health & Body, Holidays, Musical Mayhem

(I am getting my wisdom teeth removed right before Christmas, as I’m on break for college. The practice has three dentists, all with Jewish names.)

Nurse: “Okay, we’ll give the shots a little while to work and then once you’re numb we can begin.”

(A few minutes pass, and we wait quietly while the radio plays carols in the office.)

Me: *drooling* “Okay, I’m definitely numb now.”

Dentist: “Great!”

(He reclines my chair, adjusts his glasses, and picks up a drill. I open my mouth.)

Dentist: “You know, I swear, if I hear any more of this d*** Christmas music, I’m going to kill someone!”

(He turns on the drill.)


You Hanukkahn’t Keep Them Down

| Freeport, ME, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Bad Behavior, Employees, Health & Body

(I’m shopping with my two sons, ages five and seven, in early December.)

Cashier: *to my sons* “Are you kids excited for Christmas?”

Seven-Year-Old: “We’re not Christian, we’re Jewish. We get Hannukah!”

Five-Year-Old: “Meow!”

Cashier: “Well, it’s all the same to me; I think all religions are equally stupid.”

(This guy’s always been kind of rude, so I don’t bother replying to him. My five-year-old continues meowing quietly, my seven-year-old helps bag our groceries, and I dig around for my credit card to pay.)

Cashier: *to Five-Year-Old* “Do you want to hold onto your juice, or put it in the bag?”

(He gets another meow in reply.)

Cashier: *in a nasty tone, to Five-Year-Old* “That meowing is really annoying and rude. You need to knock it off.”

(I am so angry, for a moment I am speechless. But then…)

Seven-Year-Old: *in a calm, patient voice* “My brother’s autistic, and he doesn’t talk yet, but he loves animals. When he meows, he’s trying his best to be friendly, so you should try to be encouraging. And your mom should have taught you not to pick on people who are little, anyway.”

Five-Year-Old: “Meow!”

Cashier: “…”

(I was so proud of my boys that day!)


Don’t Mess With Their Connection

| San Antonio, TX, USA | Employees, Health & Body

(My coworker and I get along wonderfully but absolutely cannot work together. Inevitably, one will bump or hit the other or knock something over. This conversation happens while I’m cleaning up one of our messes.)

Me: “One day we’re gonna make a big enough mess where they’re not gonna let us work together anymore.”

Employee: “Well, we haven’t hurt ourselves, each other, or killed anybody yet, so I think we’ll be okay.”

Me: “Yeah, it’s all fun and games until somebody loses an eye!”



| Fort Worth, TX, USA | Employees, Extra Stupid, Health & Body

(I am at a “trendy” restaurant that seems to only hire very attractive and not-too-bright staff. I’m sitting in the restaurant with my family and the waitress comes up to refill my water glass. When she does she spills a lot of water on the floor.)

Waitress: “Oh! I ALWAYS do that.”

(She puts my glass down and walks off leaving the puddle of water on the floor. She returns several minutes later and the puddle is still there.)

Me: “Are you just going to leave that water there? Someone could slip on it.”

Waitress: *points at her shoes* “Oh, no one’s going to slip. We’re all required to wear non-slip shoes.”

Me: “You know you’re not the only one’s walking around in here. The customers aren’t necessarily wearing non-slip shoes.”

Waitress: “Oh…”

(She walked off and never returned to clean up the spill. It was still there when we left.)


Going For The Ice-Cream Tooth And Nail

| Somerset, England, UK | Food & Drink, Health & Body

(I work in a small zoo next to a beach town. I’m normally a zoo keeper, but I am in the gift shop today. Since the weather is getting hotter, we have started stocking our ice creams early, as well as getting in new ones to try out for the summer. I am at the counter when a middle-aged woman rushes in holding one of the new ice creams.)

Customer: “Hi. My dad just bought this ice cream, took a big bite, and his front tooth fell out!”

(In shock I look at the ice cream which is double caramel chocolate, obviously rock solid.)

Me: “Oh, gosh! I’m really sorry! We have new ice creams we are testing out. Is he okay?”

(The father, an older man rushes in behind, holding his front tooth.)

Customer’s Father: “Honestly, I’m all right! These things happen; I shouldn’t have bitten into it!”

Me: “I’m really sorry; can I offer you a refund or anything?”

Customer: “At least change your ice cream! I can’t believe it is so solid!”

Customer’s Father: “No, honestly, it’s okay! I can just suck it!”

Me: “At least let me wrap your tooth up!”

(I wrapped it in blue roll and handed it to him while he just smiled and walked away, happily sucking his ice cream with a massive gap in his mouth! I’m going to advise to the director to maybe not buy anymore of those ice creams.)