Category: Language & Words

Only Swear By The Good Staff

| MI, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Language & Words

(I’m known for being a goody-two-shoes and relatively quiet. However, I like to joke around.)

Me: *imitating customer* “B****, you didn’t make my Iced Capp icy enough!”

Shift Supervisor: “Did you just swear?! I can’t believe it! That was like hearing baby Jesus swear!”

The Cinema Just Got X-Rated

| Devon, England, UK | Coworkers, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

(We have just had a meeting where our general manager has announced she is leaving to work at another cinema, which was unexpected news. Almost everyone has left and I am chatting with some of my coworkers who I am close friends with. I should also point out that Coworker #1 is openly gay.)

Me: “I wonder who our new GM will be. Do you think it will be someone new from another site? Wait, do you think [Manager] will go for it? It would be good.”

Coworker #1: “I think Dee—” *another manager* “—should get it.”

Me: “She’d get it if she wanted it, but I don’t think she does… so that’s why I said [Manager].”

Coworker #1: “Well, I’m just going to be her cheerleader, anyway. I’ll just be like, ‘Dee! Dee! Dee!'”

(Coworker #1 and Coworker #2 start chanting ‘Dee’ together.)

Me: *to Coworker #3* “I don’t think they realise what they sound like, chanting Dee like that.”

(Coworker #3 bursts out laughing and tells Coworker #1 and Coworker #2 who stop chanting.)

Coworker #3: “What do we want? D!”

Coworker #1: “When do we want it? Now!”

Might Have To Upgrade Their Wifi

| MD, USA | Bosses & Owners, Language & Words, Technology

(My boss is originally from Vietnam. Except for the occasional problem understanding her accent we don’t really have a problem communicating, which is why this stood out to me. For those with different lingo, in our store we move boxes from the back with a U-Boat, and the HBC aisle stands for health, beauty, and cosmetics.)

Boss: “I need you to download the HBC boxes.”

Me: “…What?”

Boss: “The boxes in HBC, I need you to download them.”

Me: “I’m sorry… what do you want me to do?”

Boss: “There’s a U-Boat with boxes on it in HBC. I need you to download them.”

Me: “Okay, what do you mean by download?”

Boss: “We need the U-Boat for the truck coming in. Take the boxes off and leave them in the aisle, then bring the U-Boat into the back so we can load it. Then go back and stock the boxes to get them off the floor.”

Me: “Oh! Okay, yeah. I get it. I’ll go do that right now.”

(I would have probably caught the similarities between “download” and “unload” if I hadn’t been thinking, “do we even have a fast enough connection for that?”)

When Loyalty Is Rewarded

| Menlo Park, CA, USA | Coworkers, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

(We are checking out when we hear this:)

Worker #1: *motioning to garden hose that has fallen on the floor* “What happened to this hose?”

Worker #2: *without hesitating* “It wasn’t loyal?”

At Work And Having A Ball

| Finland | Coworkers, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

(My coworkers and I are technical writers. The product that we document includes an automatic tester feature. My coworker is reviewing a draft of the manual.)

Coworker: “[My Name], there’s a typo here. It says ‘automatic testes.’”

Me: “I guess that means our product has balls.”

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