Category: Language & Words

When You Hate Group Conferences

| USA | Coworkers, Language & Words, Popular, Trending

(I am an engineer. Some of my colleagues from Germany are working on a project that unfortunately shares an acronym with a certain American hate group. They are visiting the states to attend a conference for said project and needed to stop and ask a local cop for directions.)

German Colleague: “We’re a bit lost; can you give us the directions to [Hotel]?”

Policeman: “Oh, sure! You’re pretty close, it’s [gives directions]. What brings y’all to the states, by the way?”

German Colleague: *not realizing this answer is a bit questionable* “Oh, we’re going to a KKK meeting!”

Policeman: “…Oh. All right, you gentlemen have a good night.”

(They made it to the hotel and the police showed up not long after that, to investigate the alleged Klan meeting! When it was revealed to be a big misunderstanding everyone involved laughed hysterically. This happened several years ago and we laugh about it to this day.)

A Different State Of English

| USA | At The Checkout, Employees, Geography, Language & Words

(I’ve just moved across the country, and my boyfriend’s driving me home from the airport. Since it’s a three-hour drive, we make a stop at a gas station to refuel and grab something to hold us over until we can get to town. We bring everything to the cashier.)

Cashier: “Find everything okay?”

Boyfriend: “Yeah, just needed stuff to stop us from getting hungry for a bit.”

Cashier: “Long drive?”

Boyfriend: “Yeah, I’m from [Town]. She’s just moved here from Ohio.”

Cashier: “That’s in Europe, right? How good is her English?”

(I hold back a laugh.)

Boyfriend: “…Sure.”

(He then kept telling me over the next week that I had really good English.)

You Make Me Zoo-icidal

| Santa Barbara, CA, USA | Bosses & Owners, Employees, Language & Words, Pun

(I just finished paying for tickets to ride a little train that goes around the zoo.)

Cashier: “And here’s your change… You have a zoo-per day!”

Me: “Did… you just…?”

Cashier: “My zoo-pervisor says I have to.”

Losing Heat And Patience

| Pleasant Hill, CA, USA | Coworkers, Language & Words

(It’s our first really cold night of the season and I work graveyard. I come out to find frost on my car and spend the drive to work with the heaters going full blast. I get to the front door and knock to be let in.)

Coworker: *teasing* “What’s the password?”

Me: “My cold hands on your bare skin!”

Coworker: “Uh, good guess!”

(He quickly let me in.)

I’m Berry Berry Confused

| Detroit, MI, USA | Employees, Food & Drink, Ignoring/Inattentive, Language & Words

(My husband and I are at a popular local chain for breakfast.)

Me: “I’d like the multi-grain pancakes, but I’d like the strawberry syrup topping instead of the plain mixed berries.”

Waitress: “So you want the berries on the side?”

Me: “No, I want this topping –” *I point to the picture of the strawberry topping on the menu* “– instead of the plain blueberries and strawberries that the pancakes usually come with.”

Waitress: “So you don’t want any berries?”

Me: *getting frustrated at this point* “No! I want the Strawberry TOPPING that is RIGHT HERE in this picture.”

Waitress: “So you want the berries and the topping?”

Me: “No. I want you to switch the topping for the berries.”

Waitress: “But you keep saying ‘Instead’…?”

(At this point I gave up, and just conceded the point. It was not worth fighting over. When my pancakes came out, they were burnt on one side, and all that was on them is the strawberry syrup, no topping at all — the picture I’d pointed out had strawberries, whipped cream, and the strawberry syrup. Being pregnant and hormonal, I just about burst into tears.)