Category: Language & Words

Not How You A-Dress Customers

| TX, USA | Bad Behavior, Employees, Language & Words

(A few of my friends and I are in a clothing store. We are teenagers, and my friends have convinced me to try on a dress that I have no intention of buying. They insist, however, in seeing me.)

Me: “Here you go.”

Friend #1: “You look AWESOME!”

Friend #2: “Yeah! You totally should buy that!”

Me: “Maybe. I actually kinda like it, but—”

(One of our other party members, who was browsing clothes, hurries back over frantically.)

Friend #3: “We should leave. Hurry, please.”

Me: “What’s wrong?”

Friend #3: “We need to get out of here. Now.”

(I quickly change and we leave the store.)

Me: “What happened?”

Friend #3: “The employees back there heard you say you didn’t want to buy the dress you were trying on. They were talking about us. They said, ‘Those f*****g b*****s need to get out of here so our a*****e customers can get in and spend their f*****g money already!'”


Me: “One moment.”

(I walk back into the store and find the employees.)

Employee #1: “What do you want?”

Me: “I just wanted to give you a heads up.”

Employee #2: “On what?”

Me: “I thought you should know that my friend heard every word you said. You lost four new customers with your obscene language and incredibly rude attitude. Be ready for a call to your manager. Have a nice day!”

(I left the store with the employees having horrified expressions on their faces. I called the store the next week. Ever since, the employees were fired and I was given an immense discount on my next purchase. I saw one of the employees several weeks later. She recognized me as well.)

Me: *overly sweetly* “How’s your job? Did you get a raise?”

Employee #1: “F*** you!”

This Is A Bad Sign-ing

| OH, USA | Language & Words

(My sister is partly deaf, so she speaks. She doesn’t know any sign language. We are at a teenage retail store in the mall shopping for her best friend’s party. A saleslady approaches us. There is another customer nearby.)

Saleslady: “Hi, welcome to [Store]. Are you finding everything all right?”

Sister: “Sorry, I have some hearing loss. What was that?”

Customer: *starts signing*

Sister: “Oh, I don’t know sign language. Sorry.”

Saleslady: “What? You don’t sign?”

Me: “Yeah, we didn’t know about her hearing until later.”

Saleslady: “What? Isn’t that a requirement? How can you be deaf and not sign? They need to make you sign.”

Customer: “Sweet Jesus. I thought only patrons did this. Now I know that the employee is not always right either.”

IUA = Ironic Use Of Abbreviation

| Newcastle, England, UK | Bosses & Owners, Language & Words

Boss: “There’s too much confusion with jargon in this company; we need to cut down on TLAs.”

Me: “Erm, what’s a TLA?”

Boss: “It stands for three-letter-abbreviation.”

Time For A P Break

| USA | Extra Stupid, Language & Words

(I’m trying to set up my online account for the local public transport system via phone, and it isn’t working.)

Me: “Yeah, so I entered my email and the password, and it keeps saying it’s invalid. Am I doing something wrong?”

Employee: “No, that should work, as long as you’re using the information you told me. The email is xxxhamster4, right?”

Me: “Yes, that’s it. And the password is [password].”

Employee: “I don’t know what to tell you. It just doesn’t seem to be working.”

Me: “Well, is there something else I could do? I’m going to be using this card every day; I need to be able to fill it up without going to the main store all the time.”

Employee: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but this system is relatively new. It may just be a glitch.”

Me: “Just to be sure, can we maybe double-check that you have my information down right? It’s x-x-x-h-a-m-s-t-e-r-7, with the 7 as a number, not spelled out, and the email address is @[website]—“

Employee: “I think I know what’s wrong. You forgot the ‘p’.”

Me: “Sorry?”

Employee: “The ‘p’. In hamster. No wonder it hasn’t been going through.”

Me: “Um… there isn’t a ‘p’ in hamster.”

Employee: “…oh.”

(Once she corrected the spelling on her end, the account worked perfectly.)

The Yardstick To Measure Suitable Punishment

| ID, USA | Bosses & Owners, Language & Words

(For some reason, kids who use our restrooms think it’s great fun to go into a stall, lock it from the inside, and crawl out under the door, leaving the stall empty and locked. We’ve found the easiest way to solve the issue is to use a yardstick to nudge the lock open through a gap in the wall of an adjacent stall. During a routine bathroom check I find a locked stall, and I go to the back room.)

Me: “Has anyone seen the yardstick? There’s a locked stall in the bathroom.”

Coworker #1: “It’s back here, behind my desk.”

Me: “Thank you.”

Coworker #2: “Um, why do you need a yardstick for the bathroom? Is it to open the door?”

Me: *slightly sarcastic* “No, I’m going to hunt down the kid who did it and use this to spank him.” *waves yardstick*

Boss: *at the fax machine, where I haven’t noticed her until now* “…WHAT?!”

(I hadn’t even realized the boss was there, and spent a minute stumbling over myself to assure her I wouldn’t spank the kid. Thankfully she has a sense of humor and laughed about it, but it goes to show to be careful cracking jokes at work!)