Category: Language & Words

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Single Word Score

| Sacramento, CA, USA | Coworkers, Language & Words

(I’m a manager in an office supply store. During slow times, the employees are permitted to chat back and forth as long as they are keeping busy at the same time. I happen to be up near the registers, sorting some containers, when a conversation starts up. I crack a joke, and one of my coworkers replies with this gem:)

Coworker: “Haha! That’s like something you’d have to look up in the Scrabble Book!”

Me: “The Scrabble Book? Are you talking about a dictionary?”

Coworker: “Oh! Yeah, the dictionary!”

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About To Get Biblical Over This

| OH, USA | Employees, Language & Words

(I worked in an office building where you have to show your photo ID badge to a security guard to get in. If badges are misplaced, as happens often, people will turn them in at the security desk for the owner to claim. One day my badge falls out of my pocket. At the end of my shift I go to security to retrieve it.)

Me: “Hi. I want to see if anyone turned in my badge. My name is Rebekah [Last Name].”

Security Guard: “Nope. Nothing with that name has been turned in.”

Me: *happening to glance down at stack of turned in badges* “Excuse me, but that’s my badge right there.”

Security Guard: *picks up badge and looks at it* “You said your name was Rebekah. That’s not what that name says!”

Me: *taken back* “I can assure you that’s my name. My parents just spelled it the original, Biblical way instead of the Americanized version, but it’s pronounced the same.”

Security Guard: “That does NOT say Rebekah!”

Me: “It even has my picture on it! That’s been my name my entire life. I’m pretty sure how it’s pronounced!”

Security Guard: *glares at me*

Me: “Look!” *I hand him another form of ID* “See? That is my name and that is the way it is spelled. Now may I please have my badge back?”

(The guard suspiciously hands me my badge back. As I’m walking away he calls after me.)

Security Guard: “But that doesn’t say Rebekah!”

(It should be noted that when I received my first paycheck from this company they made it out to “Rebecca” and I had to make them reissue it when my bank refused to cash it.)

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Church Of The Damned

KS, USA | Language & Words, Religion

(I am in church. The preacher is known to be a pretty laid back guy but also VERY religious. He is holding up the bible and waving it around animatedly as he talks.)

Preacher: *drops the bible*

Preacher: “God d*** it!”

Preacher: *pause while he realizes what he just said*

Preacher: “You didn’t hear me say that.”

Preacher’s Wife: “No, but God did!”

(Everybody had a good chuckle and the preacher made an excellent recovery by doing a little lesson about how God forgives mistakes but you still should try not to make them.)

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It’s All Greek To Me(an)

| Greece | Bad Behavior, Employees, Language & Words, Tourists & Travel

(I am on a conducted tour to Greece with some older men and women. When we stop at a restaurant, being rather old-fashioned Swedes, the older people on the tour want to be served meatballs and mashed potatoes. The restaurant complies. A young waiter serves them their food and speaks to them with a huge smile on his face.)

Waiter: *in Greek* “So, meatballs and mash just like in Sweden, huh? Should I chew the food for you as well, you babies? F***** simpletons, the lot of you.”

(He continues to make rude and derogatory comments to them the whole time, but since he is smiling, has a polite tone and the old people don’t speak Greek, they just think he is a charming young man. Unbeknownst to him, however, I happen to know Greek, so when the waiter comes to me…)

Me: *stands up and says in Greek* DON’T YOU SAY ANOTHER F****** WORD, OR I’LL BEND YOU OVER THE TABLE RIGHT HERE AND NOW, YOU PUNK!”

(The color drained from the waiter’s face and the owner, who stood nearby, almost died of laughter.)

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Let’s Hope He Has Onion Representation

| NJ, USA | Extra Stupid, Language & Words, New Hires

(I am training a new cashier. He has yet to learn most of the produce codes, so he often looks them up in an alphabetical list provided to us. The list can be somewhat confusing, as something like “red peppers” would be listed as “peppers, red,” and so on. He comes upon red onions.)

New Cashier: “Are these under ‘R’ for red or ‘U’ for onion?”

(I’m not sure how long he’ll last.)