Category: Language & Words

No Italiano

| NY, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words

Me: “I’ll take three squares of lasagna, a large eggplant salad, and that bruschetta.”

Deli Worker: “Three lasagna, large eggplant, bru-shetta.”

Me: “Bruschetta.”

Deli Worker: “Bru-shetta.”

Me: “It’s Italian, not German. ‘C-H’ makes a hard ‘k’ sound.”

Deli Worker: “No, it doesn’t.”

Me: “It does the same thing for ‘g.’ That’s why we pronounce it ‘spaghetti’ instead of ‘spajetti’.”

Deli Worker: “I don’t think it works that way.”

Me: “Aren’t you Italian yourself?”

Deli Worker: “Yes.”

Deli Worker’s Grandmother: *slaps Deli Worker upside the head* “Balordo ragazzo!”

There’s A Meth To His Madness

| Australia | Health & Body, Language & Words

(I’ve been working a long shift and spy an older guy checking out a display of soft drinks. Thinking he is trying to choose, I suggest:)

Me: “The full range is in the drinks aisle if you wanted an easier choice.”

Customer: “Oh, no, I didn’t want any. I just wanted to know how much sugar is in it.”

Me: “Well, it’s soft drink, so probably lots.”

(He nods, then picks up the sugar free one.)

Customer: “What about this stuff? Any better?”

Me: “You don’t want that either. It has methamphetamine in it.”

(He pauses after a few seconds, and looks up at me.)

Customer: “I don’t think that’s what you meant, is it?”

(I catch the gaffe and apologise.)

Me: “I mean aspartame!”

Customer: *laughs* “It probably has all of it in there somewhere, anyway.”

Deathly Absolute

| Newark, DE, USA | At The Checkout, Language & Words

(I’m calling myself out on this. The card readers at my store have a display where it asks for verification, just so the customers know exactly how much they’re spending. My customer is a very sweet little old lady, and I tend to be a socially awkward person.)

Me: “And the reader just wants you to be absolutely sure on the total.”

Customer: *chuckling lightly to herself* “Well, is anything absolute?”

(There’s an awkward pause as she hits ‘yes’ and starts to sign her name.)

Me: “Death.”

(There’s another pause as we both realize what I just said, and she chuckles again.)

Customer: “Well, that’s true.”

Group Fail

| Reno, NV, USA | Employees, Language & Words

(My doctor’s office is part of a large local “franchise” with lots of different departments and offices, so they have a central line that goes to an operator and directs from there. I’ve called it to find a fax number.)

Operator: “Thank you for calling [Franchise] Central Operator. How may I help you?”

Me: “Hi, can I please have the fax number for the endocrinology department?”

Operator: “Sure, one second.”

(There is a very long pause.)

Operator: “I have… the endocrinology GROUP? Is that what you’re looking for?”

Me: “…Yes, that’s the one. Thank you.”

I’ll Do It With Me, Myself, And I

| IN, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Language & Words

(I’m working tech support with one of my friends. A slightly annoying, but not particularly unpleasant task comes up that needs done.)

Coworker: “Would you like me to do it, or shall I?”

Me: “Well, if you really want to do it that badly, go right ahead.”

(She realized what she said after a couple seconds and we had a good laugh and she went to take care of it.)