Category: Language & Words

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Sucks If You’re A Gay Vampire

| Sacramento, CA, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Food & Drink, Language & Words, Popular

(My friend and I are eating at a grill-type restaurant. I notice one of the appetizers is something called, “Garlic Balls” which are described as fresh sourdough rolls filled with garlic butter sauce and topped with jack cheese.)

Me: “Hmm… how are the garlic balls?”

Waiter: “Well, do you like garlic and balls?”

Me: “I can honestly say that no one has ever before asked me that question.”

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Making Sure You’re Not Telling Porkies

| Midlands, England, UK | Bosses & Owners, Food & Drink, Language & Words, Popular

(I am working in a roadside restaurant and am fairly new to the job. One slow morning there is just the boss, a coworker, and me on duty. The coworker, who is cooking, goes on his break, and since I can not yet cook the boss takes over cooking the breakfasts while I take orders and serve drinks. I go up to a couple at a table.)

Me: “Hello, what can I get for you?”

Man: *in a Scottish accent* “Two coffees. And two pork steaks on toast, please.”

Me: “Er… right.”

(At the cook’s area I write down the order.)

Boss: *astonished* “Two pork steaks on toast?”

Me: “Yes, that’s what they want.”

Boss: “But are you sure?”

Me: “Yes, I’m sure. That’s what he asked for.”

(She asked me several more times if I was absolutely sure, which I was. So she put two pork steaks into the fryer, later a couple of slices of bread into the toaster, and ten minutes later I was taking the order out to the table. My boss watched me. Her face as she saw the altercation at the table, followed by the sight of me returning with the two plates, was a picture.)

Boss: “I asked if you were sure. You said you were. What did they really want?”

Me: “I misheard. It was the Scottish accent. They want two poached eggs on toast.”

Being Sweetly BLUNDT

| NV, USA | Bosses & Owners, Food & Drink, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

(Three of us, all female, are sitting in an office when our boss, male, comes in. He has eaten a bunch of candies including chocolate-covered cinnamon bears. He looks out the window and sees a truck pulling into our parking lot…)

Boss: *license plate on truck says BUNT* “Hey, what’s the first thing you think of when you see BUNT?”

Me, Coworker #1 and Coworker #2: *awkwardly stare at each other*

Boss: “BUNDT… CAKE.”

Coworker #1: “That’s definitely not the word we were thinking of…”

(Coworker #2 and I nod in agreement.)

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Making An Off Statement

| WA, USA | Coworkers, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

(This happened towards the end of my shift, when I was carrying a till towards the office. A coworker starts walking next to me.)

Coworker: “Getting off?”

Me: “Nope! Just leaving.”

Coworker: *pauses a moment before getting what I said, then starts laughing* “That was a loaded question, wasn’t it?”