Category: Language & Words

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How To Win The War Against Telemarketers, Part 11

| UK | Bizarre/Silly, Employees, Language & Words

(The phone rings. I answer.)

Telemarketer: “Can I speak to the homeowner, please?”

Me: “I’m not gay.”

Telemarketer: “No, I said ‘homeowner.'”

Me: “And I said I’m not gay.”

(The telemarketer on the other end had such fits of laughter she hung up on me.)

Related:
How To Win The War Against Telemarketers, Part 10
How To Win The War Against Telemarketers, Part 9
How To Win The War Against Telemarketers, Part 8

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THIS STORY HAS YET TO BE TITLED

| Canada | At The Checkout, Health & Body, Language & Words

(I’m a customer service manager at a large department store. Part of my job is running to check prices if the cashiers can’t get ahold of anyone on the floor. One of the cashiers waves me over.)

Cashier: “I need you to check the price on those placentas in the middle aisle.”

Me: “Excuse me?!”

Cashier: “The placentas! Check the price on the placentas!”

Me: “Do you mean the poinsettias?”

Cashier: “Yes, the placentas!”

 

Dear readers! You’ll notice that this story doesn’t have a title. That is because we’d like to invite you to come up with a suggestion of your own in the comments below. It can be witty, punny, surreal, anything you want – just keep it PG please! The funniest suggestion will become the title of the story. Good luck!

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Needs Better Protection From Those Kinds Of Slips

, | Winona, MN, USA | At The Checkout, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

(I’m the embarrassed employee in this incident. I am taking orders on the counter and feeling kind of tired when a good looking guy comes up to order.)

Guy: “Can I get a [combo meal]?”

Me: “Would you like a medium or large condom, COMBO, oh, my god, I’m sorry.”

(I was so bright red and I just thank goodness he didn’t laugh at me.)

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Day-Scare

| MO, USA | Bad Behavior, Employees, Language & Words

Me: “Thank you for calling [Pizza Place]. Will this be delivery or carryout?”

Caller: *to someone in the background* “Ya’ll need to shut the h*** up! Seriously, ya’ll need to calm the f*** down! Little f******! G*****n it!” *to me* “Hello? You there?”

Me: “Um, yes?”

Caller: *laughs* “Sorry about that. I’m at work. Ya’ll deliver to [Daycare]?”

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That Phrase Failed

| IA, USA | Coworkers, Language & Words

(In the ‘accidentally coining a phrase’ department:)

Email: *from colleague* “This project failed through the cracks.”