Category: Language & Words

Group Fail

| Reno, NV, USA | Employees, Language & Words

(My doctor’s office is part of a large local “franchise” with lots of different departments and offices, so they have a central line that goes to an operator and directs from there. I’ve called it to find a fax number.)

Operator: “Thank you for calling [Franchise] Central Operator. How may I help you?”

Me: “Hi, can I please have the fax number for the endocrinology department?”

Operator: “Sure, one second.”

(There is a very long pause.)

Operator: “I have… the endocrinology GROUP? Is that what you’re looking for?”

Me: “…Yes, that’s the one. Thank you.”

I’ll Do It With Me, Myself, And I

| IN, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Language & Words

(I’m working tech support with one of my friends. A slightly annoying, but not particularly unpleasant task comes up that needs done.)

Coworker: “Would you like me to do it, or shall I?”

Me: “Well, if you really want to do it that badly, go right ahead.”

(She realized what she said after a couple seconds and we had a good laugh and she went to take care of it.)

Don’t Leave Me Drowning

| Bristol, England, UK | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Language & Words, Pets & Animals

(This is my first office job, and whilst the office is generally staffed by middle aged ladies, they’ve recently employed quite a few of us “youths” to try and energise the business, apparently. This discussion takes place between I and two coworkers, all aged 19.)

Coworker #1: “Ugh, I don’t understand this client email. What does ambiguous mean?”

Coworker #2: “Isn’t that them animals that can breathe underwater?”

How To Win The War Against Telemarketers, Part 10

| Scotland, UK | Language & Words

(I had been getting plagued by Indian telemarketers and decided enough was enough:)

Telemarketer: “Can I speak to [My Name], please?”

Me: “Il n’est pas ici. Quesque vou voulez monsieur?”

Telemarketer: *silence* “Sorry…?”

Me: “Je ne comprende pas, monsieur. Quesque vous voulez?”

Telemarketer: *silence, muttering in background* “What language are you speaking…?”

Me: “Je ne comprende pas, monsieur. Quesque vous voulez?”

Telemarketer: *more muttering* “What…”

Me: “Je ne comprende pas, monsieur. Allez-vous en!” *click*

(I knew those French lessons I took 45 years ago would come in handy someday…)

Related:
How To Win The War Against Telemarketers, Part 9
How To Win The War Against Telemarketers, Part 8
How To Win The War Against Telemarketers, Part 7

Rated Awww

| London, England, UK | Coworkers, Language & Words

(I’m Irish, everyone else in the room is British. We are stepping through a complicated calculation checking for errors. Each row of the calculation is labelled alphabetically.)

Me: “There’s an error in row R.” *describes error*

Coworker #1: “Which row?”

Me: “Row R.” *describes error again*

Coworker #2: “Sorry which row did you say?”

Me: “Row R!”

(All look confused, looking a each other.)

Me: “Row R!” *pointing and wondering how I can say it any more clearly*

Coworker #3: “Oh! It’s Irish for ‘Awww’!”

Everyone: “Oh! ‘Awww!'” *laughter*

Me: “…”

(That’s when I learned that English people pronounce the letter ‘R’ without making the sound ‘R’ actually makes!)