Category: Language & Words


You’ve Left The Trail

| Winnipeg, MT, Canada | Employees, Health & Body, Language & Words

(I am at the dentist’s office because I need a filling. I have never been treated by this particular dentist before. I soon noticed that she had a very disconcerting habit of trailing off instead of finishing her sentences.)

Dentist: “Good morning, Miss…” *trails off*

Me: “Good morning.”

Dentist: “Have a seat and I’ll…” *trails off*

Me: *sits down*

Dentist: *brings out needle and prepares to jab my gum* “Oh, before I start, are you allergic to…?” *trails off, jabs my gum anyway*

(Luckily, I WASN’T allergic to whatever she injected into me! It should be noted that I’m terrified of dentist visits to the point of phobia, and that didn’t help!)


Has Vroom For Improvement

| Eden Prairie, MN, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Language & Words

(A friend and I go to a bakery to get bagels. The cashiers asks for our name for the receipt. Both our names are foreign ones so we laugh at how they spell our names every time.)

Me: “Lemme see your receipt.”

Him: *laughing so hard* “Take a look at this.” *hands me the receipt*

Me: “Vroom? That’s just stupid. Do they assume you’re a race car or something?”


Single Word Score

| Sacramento, CA, USA | Coworkers, Language & Words

(I’m a manager in an office supply store. During slow times, the employees are permitted to chat back and forth as long as they are keeping busy at the same time. I happen to be up near the registers, sorting some containers, when a conversation starts up. I crack a joke, and one of my coworkers replies with this gem:)

Coworker: “Haha! That’s like something you’d have to look up in the Scrabble Book!”

Me: “The Scrabble Book? Are you talking about a dictionary?”

Coworker: “Oh! Yeah, the dictionary!”


About To Get Biblical Over This

| OH, USA | Employees, Language & Words

(I worked in an office building where you have to show your photo ID badge to a security guard to get in. If badges are misplaced, as happens often, people will turn them in at the security desk for the owner to claim. One day my badge falls out of my pocket. At the end of my shift I go to security to retrieve it.)

Me: “Hi. I want to see if anyone turned in my badge. My name is Rebekah [Last Name].”

Security Guard: “Nope. Nothing with that name has been turned in.”

Me: *happening to glance down at stack of turned in badges* “Excuse me, but that’s my badge right there.”

Security Guard: *picks up badge and looks at it* “You said your name was Rebekah. That’s not what that name says!”

Me: *taken back* “I can assure you that’s my name. My parents just spelled it the original, Biblical way instead of the Americanized version, but it’s pronounced the same.”

Security Guard: “That does NOT say Rebekah!”

Me: “It even has my picture on it! That’s been my name my entire life. I’m pretty sure how it’s pronounced!”

Security Guard: *glares at me*

Me: “Look!” *I hand him another form of ID* “See? That is my name and that is the way it is spelled. Now may I please have my badge back?”

(The guard suspiciously hands me my badge back. As I’m walking away he calls after me.)

Security Guard: “But that doesn’t say Rebekah!”

(It should be noted that when I received my first paycheck from this company they made it out to “Rebecca” and I had to make them reissue it when my bank refused to cash it.)


Church Of The Damned

KS, USA | Language & Words, Religion

(I am in church. The preacher is known to be a pretty laid back guy but also VERY religious. He is holding up the bible and waving it around animatedly as he talks.)

Preacher: *drops the bible*

Preacher: “God d*** it!”

Preacher: *pause while he realizes what he just said*

Preacher: “You didn’t hear me say that.”

Preacher’s Wife: “No, but God did!”

(Everybody had a good chuckle and the preacher made an excellent recovery by doing a little lesson about how God forgives mistakes but you still should try not to make them.)