Category: Language & Words

And A Happy Nude Year!

| ON, Canada | Holidays, Language & Words

(I have been working long shifts for the past 12 days because of the Christmas rush, and I’m a little burned out. The lady I am serving has just bought a box of chicken breasts.)

Me: “Here’s your bag, and here’s your receipt. Have a Merry Christmas and enjoy your breasts!”

(The customer gives me a scandalized stare before hurrying out.)

Coworker: “I think you should go work in the back for a while…”

What The World Needs Now…

| VA, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Language & Words

(I’m male and married, and I’m on the phone with a male customer whom I know well. He’s recently remarried, and told me about his wife and how very much he is in love with her. While on the call, I’m thinking about how nice that is and how happy I am for him.)

Customer: “Thanks, bye!”

Me: “Bye! Love ya!” *click*

(Then I realized what I said. I sat there for a few minutes, and then sheepishly called him back. The funniest part was, he was so used to hearing it from his wife that it didn’t even register! We had a good laugh over it.)

You Must Be Goking

| Denver, CO, USA | Employees, Language & Words

(I was waiting to talk to woman selling car insurance when I overheard her receiving a VIN number over the phone.)

Woman: “Now was that ‘G’ as in George or ‘J’ as in Giraffe?”

A Shocking Discovery

| Kitchener, ON, Canada | Language & Words, Transportation

(I’m the parts manager for a body shop that specializes in high-end cars. My shop is contracted to do all the warranty work for several dealerships in the area. I have just returned to work after taking sick leave and am still getting my head back in the game.)

Me: “I know that you can get custom nameplates for your vehicles, but since when does Land Rover provide them?”

Estimator: “What do you mean?”

Me: “I just got our shipment and these came in for that Discovery you’re dealing with, the one with the new hatchback.”

Estimator: “And?”

Me: *holding up two packages, each with a pre-arranged series of letters ready to put on the vehicle* “I’ve never seen anyone so proud of their hobbies. I mean, who would put “VERY DISCO” on their car?”

(My coworker reaches over and swaps the packages around so I can see that they combine to spell “DISCOVERY.”)

Me: “…I’ve been sick.”

An Inappropriate Meal

| USA | Language & Words, Rude & Risque

(The small business I work for has just been bought. My previous boss was short-tempered, informal, and had a vocabulary that could make a drill sergeant blush. I’m meeting with my new boss — a very professional, calm woman who’s a proponent of yoga. We’re just wrapping up when she glances at the clock.)

Boss: “I had no idea it was so late! Do you mind if I call [Popular Restaurant]? Looks like I’m picking up dinner tonight.”

Me: “Of course.”

(My boss picks up her phone and pauses.)

Boss: *laughs* “I don’t suppose you know their number off the top of your head?”

Me: “Let me see the number pad.” *I look at the phone* “It’s [prefix] “2… 7… 2… 7.”

Boss: “What were you looking at?”

Me: “The letters. Their number… spells… something.”

Boss: *studying the keys* “It does? What?”

Me: *panicked but seeing no way out* “It spells c***.”

Boss: “It does?” *looks closer at keys and suddenly becomes excited* “Oh, my GOD! It DOES! That’s fantastic! I’ll never forget that now. Do you suppose [Restaurant manager] knows? Oh, I can’t WAIT to tell him!”

(Working with my new boss has been lots of fun.)