Category: Math & Science

Can’t Account For The Lack Of Accounting

| ME, USA | Bosses & Owners, Math & Science

(We work in the finance/accounting department of a production facility. A staff member brings a month-end reconciliation to our boss for help because she’s not balancing and can’t find the error.)

Staff Member: *getting upset* “I can’t find it; I’ve checked my numbers three times and I just can’t find it!”

Boss: “Have you tried [offers two suggestions to figure out the discrepancy]?”

Staff Member: “I don’t know what you want from me! I’m not a mathematician!”

Boss: *stares*

This Is How The Outbreak Happens…

| USA | USA | Employees, Extra Stupid, Math & Science, Popular, Trending

(I work in a lab that studies a particular animal disease. As such, our lab has designated disease rooms where lab coats and gloves are required. Anything set down on the floor or counters is considered to be contaminated, and cannot leave the room. Naturally, access to these rooms is restricted, but the doors are not locked. I am working in a disease room when a sales rep for a scientific equipment company walks in.)

Sales Rep: “Hello, my name is [Name] and I represent [Company]. I would like to talk to you about our new 50ml conical tubes.” *pulls two plastic tubes and sets them on the counter*

Me: “Umm… ma’am, you can’t be in here. This is a [Disease] positive room.”

Sales Rep: “Oh! I didn’t know that!” *grabs the tubes and is about to stuff them back into her bag*

Me: “No, no, no! Those are contaminated; they have to stay in here now.”

Sales Rep: “Oh, sorry!” *sets the tubes back down* “I’m not a biologist; I got my degree in chemistry.” *runs out*

(Chemistry degree or not, I don’t know how she could have missed the bright orange “Biohazard,” “Restricted Access,” and “Proper Protective Equipment Required” signs at eye level on the doors.)

Give Them An Inch…

| IL, USA | Bosses & Owners, Employees, Math & Science, Popular, Trending

(One of our accounts received a box which had been smashed by the shipping company, destroying the lenses and frame inside. We placed a claim with the shipping company for reimbursement, as the damage was clearly their fault. My boss has called to check on the status of the claim and been told it was denied because our packaging was supposedly insufficient which lead to the contents being crushed, despite the fact that we package everything the same way and almost never have this problem.)

Boss: “So, how much weight are our boxes supposed to be able to hold to be considered sufficient?”

Customer Service Representative: “200 pounds per square inch.”

Boss: “Okay, so the package we sent was about two inches by five inches. That’s ten square inches. So you’re telling me that this package should have been able to hold… 20 thousand pounds?!”

Customer Service Representative: “…Let me have you speak to my supervisor.”

Helpless Against His Helpfulness, Part 2

| Denver, CO, USA | Employees, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Math & Science

(I am checking out in the self-checkout with my three teenage boys. One of them is scanning items while I put my discount code on the PIN pad. The screen freezes. I call the attendant.)

Me: “Excuse me, sir, the screen is frozen.”

(The attendant doesn’t reply or even look up from his screen. I assume he hasn’t heard me.)

Me: “Sir?”

(The attendant sighs heavily and makes his way over to my terminal.)

Attendant: “His hand is on the scale. That’s why it’s frozen.”

(My teen yanks his hand back like he’s touched a stove.)

Attendant: “See? Here is where it gave you the discount.”

Me: “It rang up three bags of bagels. I only purchased two.”

Attendant: *interrupting* “See? It rang up $2.99 and then it took off 50 cents. That little dash means subtraction.”

Me: “I see three lines marked $2.99.” *points to screen* “$2.99, $2.99, $2.99.”

Attendant: “Fine. I will void the items.” *voids two items, scans two items* “There. Now you got your discount.”

Me: “It rang up three bagels. I bought two bagels.”

Attendant: “It deleted the $2.99, but it had to add back in the 50 cents because it subtracted it up here.”

Me: “Okay. Thanks for your help.”

(I realized that I would pay $3 just to stop having to deal with his “help.”)

You’re Not The Quartermaster

| UK | Bosses & Owners, Employees, Math & Science

(Note that in the UK, it’s common for sweets to be asked for in ‘quarters’, short for ‘quarter of a pound’, since they used to be sold that way; however, many shops have now converted to metric, including this one. I’m used to using imperial, and only know rough conversions, but my mum has asked me to buy 500g of sweets, which I know is a little over 1 lb.)

Me: “Is the price on the dolly mix per 100g?”

Shop Assistant: “Yeah”

Me: “Okay, could I have 500g, please?”

Shop Assistant: *stares blankly at me for a few moments* “So… is that five quarters?”

Me: *stares* “Umm… a little over 1 lb… but I think the scales weigh in grams, since that’s the pricing. But, if you like, just 1lb will do.”

Shop Assistant: *stares blankly again* “So… how many quarters is that?”

Me: “…Four.”

Shop Assistant: *stares again as if I’ve grown another head before suddenly shouting* “[Manager]!”

(The manager appears a few moments later and she explains what I asked for.)

Manager: “So you wanted 500g?”

Me: *thinking we’re finally getting somewhere* “Yes, please.”

Manager: *stares a moment then turns to the shop assistant* “Just weigh out 500g on the scales. It’ll say 500.”

Shop Assistant: *weighs out four quarters, looking at one part of the display and ignoring another until the last moment* “Is 513 grams okay?”

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