Category: Rude & Risque

Not So Nuts About The Service

| Denver, CO, USA | Bad Behavior, Employees, Rude & Risque

(Since it is spring break we’ve had a lot more teens in the store than usual, and lots like to pull pranks. We have an intercom system that some of the teens know the code for so we get a lot of afternoons like this:)

Teenager: “Attention all [Store] employees. I busted a nut… I repeat, I. Busted. A. Nut.”

Women: *storms up to me, who is a cashier* “That is completely inappropriate. My daughter is four years old and I don’t want her hearing that type of language.”

Me: “I do apologise ma’am, but I don’t think she understands the double meaning of nut, so I think you’re safe.”

Daughter: “What kind of nut was it, mom? A cashew? I like cashews.”

Women: *looks at me expectantly* “Well? Tell her. It’s your store.”

Me: *stumped* “Uh… let me get my manager.”

(Needless to say, we did NOT give that girl a sex-ed talk but gave the women a $10 gift card for any inconvenience.)

Not Blind To Their Activity

| South Africa | Coworkers, Rude & Risque

(My father is a prosecutor for the state working on a rather complex deposition, and is busy planning said deposition on the floor of his office since the space on his desk isn’t big enough. A young female student who has landed herself a clerkship is assisting him. They have another lawyer in their offices who is legally blind. The blind lawyer walks up to my father’s office, and opens the door.)

Blind Lawyer: “[Father], are you here?”

Father: “Yes, I’m here behind my desk on the floor.”

Young Female Clerk: *cheerily* “I’m here on the floor as well.”

Blind Lawyer: *cough cough* “Excuse me…”

(He took a step out of the office and closed the door again. I can just imagine what was going through his head.)

French Makes Everything Sound Dirty

| Canada | Language & Words, Rude & Risque

(I’m a stagehand, on tour with a French play. I’m an Anglophone, but, like most Canadians, I took French in school, and I’m a bit of a Francophile, so I have a basic understanding of the language and can speak a little.)

Me: “I need a pipe. Hey! I can say that in French! Je besoin un pipe!”

Francophone Coworker: *laughing* “No, you don’t want to say that.”

Me: “Did I say that wrong?”

Francophone Coworker: “You just said you need a blow job.”

Me: “I am never speaking French again.”

That Tabled That Discussion

| Arlington, TX, USA | Bosses & Owners, Rude & Risque, Time

(One morning I show up at work early, right when the manager gets there. The opening manager is in a bad mood and treats me like absolute crap. Finally, right before I leave we have the following conversation.)

Manager: “Hey, I’m sorry about this morning.”

Me: “It’s cool.”

Manager: “You showing up at 8:30 totally threw off my routine.”

Me: “Sorry about that.”

Manager: “To be honest, my boyfriend and I were going to have sex on the prep table before you walked in.”

(I just clocked out and walked away.)

An Inappropriate Meal

| USA | Language & Words, Rude & Risque

(The small business I work for has just been bought. My previous boss was short-tempered, informal, and had a vocabulary that could make a drill sergeant blush. I’m meeting with my new boss — a very professional, calm woman who’s a proponent of yoga. We’re just wrapping up when she glances at the clock.)

Boss: “I had no idea it was so late! Do you mind if I call [Popular Restaurant]? Looks like I’m picking up dinner tonight.”

Me: “Of course.”

(My boss picks up her phone and pauses.)

Boss: *laughs* “I don’t suppose you know their number off the top of your head?”

Me: “Let me see the number pad.” *I look at the phone* “It’s [prefix] “2… 7… 2… 7.”

Boss: “What were you looking at?”

Me: “The letters. Their number… spells… something.”

Boss: *studying the keys* “It does? What?”

Me: *panicked but seeing no way out* “It spells c***.”

Boss: “It does?” *looks closer at keys and suddenly becomes excited* “Oh, my GOD! It DOES! That’s fantastic! I’ll never forget that now. Do you suppose [Restaurant manager] knows? Oh, I can’t WAIT to tell him!”

(Working with my new boss has been lots of fun.)

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