Category: Rude & Risque

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An Inappropriate Meal

| USA | Language & Words, Rude & Risque

(The small business I work for has just been bought. My previous boss was short-tempered, informal, and had a vocabulary that could make a drill sergeant blush. I’m meeting with my new boss — a very professional, calm woman who’s a proponent of yoga. We’re just wrapping up when she glances at the clock.)

Boss: “I had no idea it was so late! Do you mind if I call [Popular Restaurant]? Looks like I’m picking up dinner tonight.”

Me: “Of course.”

(My boss picks up her phone and pauses.)

Boss: *laughs* “I don’t suppose you know their number off the top of your head?”

Me: “Let me see the number pad.” *I look at the phone* “It’s [prefix] “2… 7… 2… 7.”

Boss: “What were you looking at?”

Me: “The letters. Their number… spells… something.”

Boss: *studying the keys* “It does? What?”

Me: *panicked but seeing no way out* “It spells c***.”

Boss: “It does?” *looks closer at keys and suddenly becomes excited* “Oh, my GOD! It DOES! That’s fantastic! I’ll never forget that now. Do you suppose [Restaurant manager] knows? Oh, I can’t WAIT to tell him!”

(Working with my new boss has been lots of fun.)

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Shouldn’t Strip That Down To Basics

| Pleasant Hill, CA, USA | Language & Words, Non-Dialogue, Rude & Risque

I work at a bookstore. Our managers have the bad habit of making up stupid little rules to be more efficient. One ‘rule’ is the demand that we abbreviate our requests over the PA system. However, they clearly didn’t think it through…

Originally an announcement was: “Supervisor and/or Manager to loading bay for strip cleaning.”

“Strip cleaning” meant they gathered up all the hoarded garbage, boxes, and pallets from a shipment to take out all at once.

However, the abbreviated version was…

Over PA System: “S & M to strip, please. S & M to strip!”

This was done in a store full of customers… The abbreviation rule was immediately dropped and never spoken of again.

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If You Don’t Like The Sign, Get The F*** Out Of The Way

| OR, USA | Language & Words, Rude & Risque

(I am in a fast food restaurant and I notice a sign posted behind the register.)

Sign: “If you don’t know what you want to order, please kindly get the f*** out of the way for those that do.”

Me: *chuckles* “Nice sign.”

Employee: “Huh? Oh, yeah. One of our regulars chewed out another customer after she stood at the register trying to decide what she wanted. My boss thought it was a hoot and had a sign made.”

Me: “And he didn’t get in trouble for putting curse words on a sign?”

Employee: “A few customers have complained, but most get a laugh out of it, so he hasn’t taken it down yet.”

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When You Have A Hard Drive

| Rude & Risque

(I’m in the head IT office with my manager to figure out how to fix a specific issue on a student’s laptop. He usually has odd things on his desk but today I found something strange in particular.)

Me: *picks up two objects* “Hand lotion and tissues? You alone here often?”

(Cue my manager laughing so hard he could barely breathe.)

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I’ll Have An Entendre And Make It A Double

| Edmonton, AB, Canada | Employees, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

(I am following the host to our table when he comments on my height.)

Host: “You are a tall dude. Are you 7′? 7’1″?”

Me: “6’8″… but thanks for the exaggeration!”

Host: “Oh! Well you are welcome for the five inches!”

Me: *speechless*

(He is a really fun guy and there is probably some flirting going on. We turn it back around on him when we ask if the dessert we are considering splitting is “bigger or smaller than 5 inches.”)

Host: “This… is a family restaurant. I can’t respond how I want to!”

Friend: “We are sharing it; we just want to make sure it’s big enough to satisfy two of us.”

Host: “Oh… it definitely is!”

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