Category: Rude & Risque


If You Don’t Like The Sign, Get The F*** Out Of The Way

| OR, USA | Language & Words, Rude & Risque

(I am in a fast food restaurant and I notice a sign posted behind the register.)

Sign: “If you don’t know what you want to order, please kindly get the f*** out of the way for those that do.”

Me: *chuckles* “Nice sign.”

Employee: “Huh? Oh, yeah. One of our regulars chewed out another customer after she stood at the register trying to decide what she wanted. My boss thought it was a hoot and had a sign made.”

Me: “And he didn’t get in trouble for putting curse words on a sign?”

Employee: “A few customers have complained, but most get a laugh out of it, so he hasn’t taken it down yet.”


When You Have A Hard Drive

| Rude & Risque

(I’m in the head IT office with my manager to figure out how to fix a specific issue on a student’s laptop. He usually has odd things on his desk but today I found something strange in particular.)

Me: *picks up two objects* “Hand lotion and tissues? You alone here often?”

(Cue my manager laughing so hard he could barely breathe.)


I’ll Have An Entendre And Make It A Double

| Edmonton, AB, Canada | Employees, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

(I am following the host to our table when he comments on my height.)

Host: “You are a tall dude. Are you 7′? 7’1″?”

Me: “6’8″… but thanks for the exaggeration!”

Host: “Oh! Well you are welcome for the five inches!”

Me: *speechless*

(He is a really fun guy and there is probably some flirting going on. We turn it back around on him when we ask if the dessert we are considering splitting is “bigger or smaller than 5 inches.”)

Host: “This… is a family restaurant. I can’t respond how I want to!”

Friend: “We are sharing it; we just want to make sure it’s big enough to satisfy two of us.”

Host: “Oh… it definitely is!”


Maybe They Just Used The Bag Instead

| USA | At The Checkout, Coworkers, Employees, Rude & Risque

(So I just recently started working at a store. I’ve only been working a few days when a couple comes up and has condoms. I forget to put them in with their other items.)

Me: “Oh, darn. I forgot to bag their condoms.”

Coworker: “You just ruined their night, man.” *a few months later I see the same couple*

Me: “Hey, you remember that couple that I forgot the condoms for? I just saw them…”

Coworker: “Was the girl pregnant?”


Name And Shame

| MA, USA | Funny Names, Rude & Risque

(I’m in the doctor’s office, discussing my treatment.)

Doctor: “Who’s your oncologist?”

Me: “Dr. [Movie Star Name].”

Doctor: “I know him. You know, another doctor and I were discussing patients with famous names. He had one named [Golden Girl Name].”

Me: “Okay, I went to junior high school with [Welsh Movie Star Name] and [English Movie Star Name]. Even funnier, my sister’s name is [Porn Star Name] and she’s conservative. I went to look up her business address and whoa!”

Doctor: “I’ll have to look that up, just not on the office computer.”

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