Category: Rude & Risque

The Cinema Just Got X-Rated

| Devon, England, UK | Coworkers, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

(We have just had a meeting where our general manager has announced she is leaving to work at another cinema, which was unexpected news. Almost everyone has left and I am chatting with some of my coworkers who I am close friends with. I should also point out that Coworker #1 is openly gay.)

Me: “I wonder who our new GM will be. Do you think it will be someone new from another site? Wait, do you think [Manager] will go for it? It would be good.”

Coworker #1: “I think Dee—” *another manager* “—should get it.”

Me: “She’d get it if she wanted it, but I don’t think she does… so that’s why I said [Manager].”

Coworker #1: “Well, I’m just going to be her cheerleader, anyway. I’ll just be like, ‘Dee! Dee! Dee!'”

(Coworker #1 and Coworker #2 start chanting ‘Dee’ together.)

Me: *to Coworker #3* “I don’t think they realise what they sound like, chanting Dee like that.”

(Coworker #3 bursts out laughing and tells Coworker #1 and Coworker #2 who stop chanting.)

Coworker #3: “What do we want? D!”

Coworker #1: “When do we want it? Now!”

All Other Mammals Get Boned

| Lincoln, NE, USA | Pets & Animals, Rude & Risque

(My mum and I have been wandering through our favourite antique store. I’ve found some things of interest, and join my mum at a case where she’s looking at some jewelry. I realize there’s a bone in the display case that I hadn’t seen before, and as my mum’s looking at a brooch, this occurs.)

Me: “Can I see the walrus tusk?”

Associate #1: “Uh… sure!” *there’s a pause as she reaches in* “Hey, uh, [Associate #2], is this the uh… is the walrus thing-thing thing?”

Associate #2: *from about fifteen feet away* “Huh?”

Associate #1: “The walrus… y’know… thing!”

Associate #2: “Hold on,” *she approaches and glances into the case, then looks back up at her coworker* “Yeah, that’s it.”

Me: “I feel like I should be a bit worried.”

Associate #1: “Well, it’s, uh… it’s a walrus’s penis.”

Me: *I realize I misidentified the object* “Oh, a baculum!”

Associate #2: “Huh?”

Me: “A baculum – a ‘penis bone.’ It’s found in mammals, but not in humans.” *laughing* “Sorry, I’m a biologist, so this stuff doesn’t really bother me.”

Associate #1: “Wait, it’s THAT long?!”

Associate #2: “Well, I mean, you know how big walruses can get.”

(I didn’t have the heart to tell them that a blue whale’s baculum could get up to eight feet in length…)

When Loyalty Is Rewarded

| Menlo Park, CA, USA | Coworkers, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

(We are checking out when we hear this:)

Worker #1: *motioning to garden hose that has fallen on the floor* “What happened to this hose?”

Worker #2: *without hesitating* “It wasn’t loyal?”

At Work And Having A Ball

| Finland | Coworkers, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

(My coworkers and I are technical writers. The product that we document includes an automatic tester feature. My coworker is reviewing a draft of the manual.)

Coworker: “[My Name], there’s a typo here. It says ‘automatic testes.’”

Me: “I guess that means our product has balls.”

A Conversation Stopper

, | Hertfordshire, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Coworkers, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Popular, Rude & Risque, Trending

(I work with a lot of young students aged 16-18. One shift I receive a few complaints from customers with young children, complaining that they and their children can hear my colleagues’ inappropriate conversations about their weekend partying — including stories about sex and drugs. I call a meeting with my colleagues to talk to them about this.)

Me: “Now, you know I don’t have a problem with you guys talking a bit on shift so long as you keep working. But you shouldn’t have personal conversations within earshot of customers.”

Colleague #1: “Why not? If we’re allowed to talk then we’re gonna talk!”

Me: “Like I said, I have no problem with you talking while you work. I know you’re friends outside of work. It’s WHAT you’re talking about that’s the issue.”

Colleague #2: “What do you mean?”

Me: “Well, we’ve had some complaints about your conversations. Parents have complained that they can hear you talking about sex and drugs and how ‘wasted’ and ‘f***ed up’ you were. That’s not an appropriate conversation to have at work — especially in a family restaurant!”

Colleague #1: “Well, it’s their fault!”

Me: “What?”

Colleague #1: “Why are they listening to our private conversations?! They should mind their own business!”

Colleague #2: “Yeah! It’s rude! It’s illegal, innit?”

Me: “You are loudly talking, and swearing, about having sex and doing drugs, whilst serving our customers and their small children. That’s completely unacceptable!”

Colleague #1: “Well, they shouldn’t be listening to our conversations!”

Me: “…Wow.”

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