Category: Rude & Risque

Demoted To Phone Answerer

, | UK | Bizarre/Silly, Bosses & Owners, Rude & Risque

(I work in a little deli/cafe as a part time job in a very small village. It’s an extremely informal atmosphere and everyone is always joking with each other and our regular customers. The owner is also the chef (and an extremely good cook); unfortunately, he is also the only chef we have at the moment so he’s been working every day including weekends since January. We also have some problems with telemarketers. Despite being told explicitly, and sometimes angrily, that we’re really not interested and not to call again, they continue to do so up to about six times a day. The biggest problem with the calls is that we only have one phone line and they often call when we are very busy, like around lunch time. This means that it blocks incoming take away orders and distracts one of people working. On this particular day we’re just calming down from a rush but the front counter is still very busy but the kitchen is okay so when the phone rings the owner picks it up in the kitchen. Normally he just tells them to “F*** Off” and puts the phone down, but he seems to be in a bit of a silly mood.)

Owner: *talking on the phone* “Hello, this is [Deli]… Look you’ve been told before we’re really not interested! STOP. CALLING. US! The owner doesn’t work here so there is no one you can talk to… Me? I’m just the chef, mate; I have no control over who our energy supplier is… All right, then. Bye.”

(The front of house is now clear so I feel like a bit of banter.)

Me: “So, [Owner], you’ve demoted yourself? What did you do?”

Owner: “Oh, it’s been a steady series of f*** ups. My constant insubordination, slacking, and undermining my ability to manage my staff didn’t help either.”

Me: “Sounds awful. I’m surprised you put up with yourself for so long.”

Owner: “Yes and the final straw came when he did a poo on table two.”

(We exchange blank looks at each other through the hatch as I don’t quite know how to respond and I don’t think he knew he was going to say that.)

Owner: “I took it too far, didn’t I?”

Out-Of-Controlled Substance

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Employees, Health & Body, Rude & Risque

(A few years ago, I was with a friend at a local pharmacy. She was looking for water-based lubricant, but could find none on the shelf. I told her that she should ask the pharmacist, since they would know if they stocked the item, and if not they could call other stores to find out. She expressed nervousness that the pharmacist would judge her, and I assured her that it would be entirely unprofessional to do such a thing, but that if it bothered her I would go and ask in her stead. After waiting in line the following exchanged took place.)

Me: “Hello, could you tell me if this, or one of your affiliated stores, carries water-based lubricant?”

Young Pharmacist: “What?”

Me: “Water-based lubricant.”

Young Pharmacist: *looks uneasy* “Why do you need it?”

Me: *confused at the question* “Personal use.”

Young Pharmacist: *becoming irritated* “I need to know exactly what you plan to do with it!”

Me: “Why?”

Young Pharmacist: *suddenly looking upset* “Because it is a controlled substance!”

Me: *thinks he is joking* “No, it’s not.”

Young Pharmacist: *more upset* “Yes, it is!”

Me: *now getting irritated at this very unprofessional behavior* “No! It’s not!”

Young Pharmacist: *now irate* “Yes, it is, and unless you tell me what you plan to do with it I will not sell it to you!”

Me: *now very irate* “For f******!”

Young Pharmacist: *now suddenly pale and uneasy looking* “What?”

Me: *still upset* “For f******! Probably with sex toys involved as well! Anal and vaginal fucking! Now, do you have it or not?!”

Young Pharmacist: *looking very uncomfortable* “I’ll need to get my manager to approve that.” *runs to the backs and has a heated sounding conversation just out of earshot*

(At this point, an older woman who is clearly the head pharmacist comes up to the counter, looking clearly annoyed to be pulled away from whatever she was doing.)

Older Pharmacist: “Hello, I am the head pharmacist here. Would you explain to me what you need the controlled substance for?”

Me: “F******! Sex! Fornication! Probably involving sex toys since certain ones melt if you use the wrong personal lubricant.”

Older Pharmacist: *looking confused* “Personal lubricant is not a controlled substance…”

Me: “That’s what I told him!” *points to Younger Pharmacist* “But he refused to believe me, then demanded to know what I was using it for, then dragged you up here, and now here we are!”

Older Pharmacist: *looks at Younger Pharmacist* “Seriously? You seriously dragged me up here for this?” *turns to the computer* “What kind were you looking for?”

Me: “I need a water-based lubricant; nothing fancy. Do you or any other store in the chain close by carry it?”

(The older pharmacist types for a while, and the younger pharmacist looks uncomfortable.)

Older Pharmacist: “I’m not seeing anything; you probably have to get it online.”

Me: “Thank you very much for all of your help.”

(As I turn to walk back to my friend I hear this exchange between the Older and Younger Pharmacists.)

Older Pharmacist: “If you are going to work in this field you have to stop being this way about sexual and reproductive items or you will not last long.”

(I went back to my friend, informed them of the outcome, and we left. I am so happy that they dealt with me instead of her, as she would have left the pharmacy in tears with no answers.)

What Really Happens When Lawyers Pull All-Nighters

| TX, USA | Coworkers, Rude & Risque

(We’ve just had a lawyer move out of our six-room law office, leaving a rather massive room that the rest of us have discussed putting a couch into for naps. I should note that, aside from the remaining lawyer, the rest of the staff is female.)

Me: “I think we should put one of the front office couches in there, then get a black leather couch to put up front.”

Coworker #1: *snickering* “Can you imagine the looks we’ll get?”

Coworker #2: “What? Why? I don’t get it.”

Me: “Apparently, there’s some porno where people walk into an office with a black leather couch and have sex on it in front of the camera. It’s become some kind of a known thing, there’s memes of people with black leather couches and the saying ‘You know where this is going’ on the picture.”

Coworker #2: “Oh! That’s disgusting! But it would definitely pick the perverts out out when we have clients.”

Me: “That’s why I want to put one of those in the front room, just to see the reaction they get.”

(A week later, we have a handful of clients in the waiting room, when Coworker #2 comes walking by my desk.)

Coworker #2: *to me* “So, are you still looking for that black leather couch?”

(One of the male clients, who is in his 40s, got a shocked look on his face almost immediately. My coworkers and I had a good laugh about his reaction.)

Not So Nuts About The Service

| Denver, CO, USA | Bad Behavior, Employees, Rude & Risque

(Since it is spring break we’ve had a lot more teens in the store than usual, and lots like to pull pranks. We have an intercom system that some of the teens know the code for so we get a lot of afternoons like this:)

Teenager: “Attention all [Store] employees. I busted a nut… I repeat, I. Busted. A. Nut.”

Women: *storms up to me, who is a cashier* “That is completely inappropriate. My daughter is four years old and I don’t want her hearing that type of language.”

Me: “I do apologise ma’am, but I don’t think she understands the double meaning of nut, so I think you’re safe.”

Daughter: “What kind of nut was it, mom? A cashew? I like cashews.”

Women: *looks at me expectantly* “Well? Tell her. It’s your store.”

Me: *stumped* “Uh… let me get my manager.”

(Needless to say, we did NOT give that girl a sex-ed talk but gave the women a $10 gift card for any inconvenience.)

Not Blind To Their Activity

| South Africa | Coworkers, Rude & Risque

(My father is a prosecutor for the state working on a rather complex deposition, and is busy planning said deposition on the floor of his office since the space on his desk isn’t big enough. A young female student who has landed herself a clerkship is assisting him. They have another lawyer in their offices who is legally blind. The blind lawyer walks up to my father’s office, and opens the door.)

Blind Lawyer: “[Father], are you here?”

Father: “Yes, I’m here behind my desk on the floor.”

Young Female Clerk: *cheerily* “I’m here on the floor as well.”

Blind Lawyer: *cough cough* “Excuse me…”

(He took a step out of the office and closed the door again. I can just imagine what was going through his head.)

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