Category: School


Sure Enough

, | USA | Employees, School

(I’ve been working in a small college library for about a year now and often students come in asking where certain classrooms are located. Despite the number of times I’ve had to help students, I still get confused as to what building the room number code is referring to. A group of international students come to the desk.)

Student: “Can you tell me where this room is?” *points to paper with room number on it*

Me: “Um, I think that would be in the building over there.” *points toward building* “But I’m not 100% sure.”

Student: “How sure are you?”

Me: “About 80%?”

Student: “80% is pretty good. Thanks!”

(The group walked away.)


SOUNDS Like College Is Working

| Glendale, CA, USA | Bosses & Owners, Math & Science, Popular, School

(All of the department managers meet once a week. The assistant store manager has called for the meeting at the same time I am going on a break. The ASM always acts like he’s better than me because of his higher position, and gives me a hard time about my scheduling as I am a full-time college student in my senior year. I grab lunch, with my receipt on it (for loss prevention purposes, so they know I paid for the product), out of the fridge. I put the receipt on the table, next to which is the new store ad for the following sales week (that starts the next day). I start eating when the ASM grabs my receipt and then points to the same product in the ad.)

Assistant Store Manager: “Oh, hey, you should have waited until tomorrow to buy those. They’re on sale, three for $5!”

Me: “Oh, I got these on sale already; they were buy one, get one free and they’re only $2.99 each.” *points at receipt*

Assistant Store Manager: “Tomorrow’s a better deal. You should have waited. Three for $5 is cheaper! It’s only like $1.67 each!”

Me: “Yeah, but like I said, I got a better deal, so I’m good.”

Assistant Store Manager: “No, $1.67 is cheaper than $2.99.”

Me: “Yeah, but I got two for that price.”

Assistant Store Manager: “$1.67 sounds like it’s the better deal.”

Me: “Two for $2.99 is about $1.50 each. I got two for less than $3, and two at that price is $3.34. So $3 is actually cheaper…”

Assistant Store Manager: “Oh, yeah, well… I said it SOUNDS better.”

Me: “Annnnnd that’s why I go to college.”

(All the managers that were showing up for the meeting all ‘oooh’ed and laughed at the ASM, who went to his office to hide on the phone before the meeting started. He hasn’t bothered me about my days off for school since.)

Stuff The Translation

| Japan | Coworkers, Language & Words, Lazy/Unhelpful, School

(I’m an American working as an assistant language teacher in Japan. I work with multiple JTEs, or Japanese teachers of English, in teaching English at junior high schools. I’m not allowed to speak Japanese during English class, so many JTEs take it upon themselves to translate my words for me when the students absolutely cannot understand and make repeated incorrect guesses. One particular JTE, however, is adamant about never translating for me, even when the students become so confused that the lesson cannot progress. This has been going on for a couple of months when this lesson takes place. The Japanese are, as a whole, very strict in terms of cleanliness and preventing the spread of germs and sickness.)

Me: *holding up a stuffed animal* “This is a dog!”

Students: *in Japanese, to one another* “That’s not a dog. That’s a toy.”

Me: “Correct! This is a stuffed animal. It LOOKS like a dog, but it isn’t a dog. What does “stuffed” mean in Japanese?”

(The students give various guesses.)

Me: “I’ll give you a hint.” *I rub my stomach* “Mmmm, I’m so stuffed!” *I place a bunch of books inside a basket and make a show of trying to squish them down to fit* “This basket is STUFFED with books!”

(After several awkward minutes of me trying to make them understand and not succeeding, I glance desperately at the JTE. The students, too, look to the JTE for an explanation. The JTE pointedly looks away, and that’s when I’ve had enough.)

Me: “Okay, fine.”

(I take the grammar worksheet that the JTE has made, wad it into an enormous ball, and without hesitation stuff the whole thing into my mouth.)

Students: “WHAAAAAT?”

JTE: *nervously* “Um… hold on…”

(I remove the ball, which has become a giant spit wad, and plonk it down onto the JTE’s desk, much to his utter horror.)

Me: “Get it now? I STUFFED the paper into my mouth! My mouth is STUFFED with paper!”

(Finally, it dawns on one of my students what I’m talking about.)

Student: *in Japanese* “…stuffed?”

Me: “YES! Thank you!”

JTE: “Um…”

Me: *already moving on to the next object* “Okay, next! What’s this?”

(The lesson continues without further incident, except that the JTE keeps staring at the spit wad on his desk. After class gets out, I throw the spit wad away then kindly wipe down his desk to remove the traces of spit. Maybe next time he’ll translate for me.)

Putting The Fired Into Hired, Part 3

| MI, USA | Job Seekers, School

(Each year we hire a student half-time reporter through a scholarship program. In addition to sending the position info to various departments on campus, we also post fliers in areas like the Student Center to try and attract as many candidates as possible. Please note that this takes place approximately six weeks into the football season.)

Student: *wanders past the front desk and into my office unannounced* “Hello?”

Me: *startled* “Yes, can I help you?”

Student: “Sorry. I’m just so tired. I haven’t slept at all in like three days.”

Me: “What?”

Student: *pulls creased and folded, obviously stolen, flier out of his pocket* “I’ll take this job.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Student: “This halftime reporter job. I’ll take it.”

Me: “I’m sorry; we hired someone almost two months ago. Football season has been going for over six weeks.”

Student: “But I have the flier! You’re making a big mistake! I’d be perfect for this!”

Me: “Ignoring the fact that you obviously removed a flier from a public bulletin board and that the job is already filled, barging into my office and demanding I hire you isn’t the best way to start this conversation.”

Student: “Fine! But you’re making a big mistake!”

Putting The Fired Into Hired, Part 2
Putting The Fired Into Hired

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