Category: Technology


Tech Unsupportive, Part 2

| Chicago, IL, USA | Employees, Extra Stupid, Technology

(My boyfriend’s Internet is acting up. After getting the customer care support number online, he finds it’s not working. So he gets a rep in chat.)

Boyfriend: “So the Internet is acting wonky. Could you check the line?”

IT Representative: “Sure, but first, why don’t you cycle our router.”

Boyfriend: “If I cycle your router, I’ll completely disconnect and lose this chat.”

IT Representative: “No, you’ll be fine. Go cycle the router, please.”

Boyfriend: “Okay, if you say so.”

(He lost the chat.)

Tech Unsupportive


Stick To A Different Script

| CA, USA | Bosses & Owners, Technology, Time

(I work as an intern/assistant in a public access TV studio. Since the job has a lot of downtime and I enjoy programming, I write programs to automate some of my tasks when there is nothing else to do.)

Me: “Hey, [Boss], check out this new script I wrote.” *runs script that does in 30 seconds something that used to take me more than an hour to do by hand*

Boss: “Can I give you a bit of advice? I know you’ve written four or five little scripts like this, and that’s really awesome. However, I’m 55 and I learned a long time ago never to let my bosses know exactly how long it took to do the work.”

(I’ve learned this lesson well and in my current job I’ve written scripts that save me more than 10 hours a week and my boss still thinks I do most of the work by hand.)


Not The Sharpest Arrow

| Phoenix, AZ, USA | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Technology

(I am covering the help desk for the usual guy that is out sick.)

Me: “Thank you for calling the help desk. How can I help you?”

Self-Important Coworker: “My computer has broken and I can’t work! This is the third time I’ve had to call in this week! Does anyone there know to actually fix anything!?”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry you’re having difficulties. If you can explain the issue you’re experiencing I can try to resolve it for you.”

Self-Important Coworker: “My mouse isn’t working! I’ve been working on this spreadsheet for four hours and it’s due by the end of the day! Now the mouse is stuck on the right side of the screen and I can’t get it to go back! If I’m late with this I’m going to tell my manager it’s your fault!”

(I get her information and remotely access her system.)

Me: “Okay. Can you show me where the problem is?”

(She clicks on the spreadsheet in the taskbar, so obviously the mouse is working.)

Self-Important Coworker: “Right here! Look! It’s on column 45! When I hit enter is just goes down!”

(Without thinking about it, I hold down the left-arrow key and scroll back to column one. Before I have a chance to say anything she chimes back in.)

Self-Important Coworker: “Whoa, whoa, whoa! How did you do that?!”

Me: “Uh, I just hit the left arrow key on the keyboard.”

Self-Important Coworker: “Oh.”

Me: “You can also scroll with the arrows.” *demonstrate by clicking on the scroll bar* “Does that solve your issue?”

Self-Important Coworker: “Um, yeah. Thanks.”

Me: *face-palm* “Thank you for calling.”


The Password Is: Catch-22

| MD, USA | Technology

(My company has to password-protect a lot of documents, so my boss created a formula for creating passwords. He put this information in a password-protected document. I asked him to send me the document, not knowing what the standards were.)

Me: *attempting to open the document and finding it protected* “[Boss], what’s the password for the passwords document?”

Boss: “It the follows the standard formula.”

Me: “But I won’t know what the standard formula is until I open the document …”


Their Brain Is Not Online

| CO, USA | Employees, Ignoring & Inattentive, Technology

(I’ve just moved to a different team and a new desk. I call the IT help desk for assistance due to an error message I get when I power up the computer the first time.)

Me: “Hi, my name is [My Name] and I’m at [Office]. I’ve just moved to this desk and when I try to log on I get an error message that there is no connectivity.”

Help Desk: “Please report the issue online; do you know how to do that?”

Me: “Yes, I know how, but in this case it’s not possible; I have no access to the Intranet or Internet.”

Help Desk: “All you have to do is type the work ‘help’ in the address bar and follow the instructions. It’s very easy. Please use the online reporting system.”

Me: “Again, that’s not possible since I don’t have an address bar to type anything into; please listen to me. My computer won’t connect; it has no connectivity!”

Help Desk: *sounding exasperated* “Please work with me here. You need to report your issue online. Look at the top of your screen. What do you see?”

Me: “An alert box that says I have no connectivity. Nothing else. No address bar, nothing, nada.”

Help Desk: “Oh, so, there’s no bar into which you can type?”

Me: “Yes, exactly. There’s no connection, no access, no address bar; that’s what I’ve been trying to get you to understand.”

Help Desk: “We’re very busy today and there are a lot of people trying to get through and this call is taking too long. This one time I’ll go ahead and take your report over the phone. Remember, in the future please use online reporting instead of calling. If you can’t figure out how, ask someone for help. Please tell me your name and location so I can send someone to diagnose your issue.”

(As no one had used that work location before, the Intranet/Internet connection had never been activated. After a 15-minute conversation to try to get help, it took only a minute for the responding tech to flip the switch in the data room. I don’t think the help desk rep ever understood that I couldn’t report the lack of connectivity online since I didn’t have a connection.)

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