Category: Technology


A Graphic Misjudgment

| USA | Employees, Ignoring & Inattentive, Technology

(I work at a small studio. Our teleprompter program stopped working unexpectedly and I call the manufacturer about troubleshooting.)

Employee: “Okay, what kind of laptop is the program running from?”

Me: “It’s a desktop. Brand—”

Employee: “There’s your problem. Desktops don’t have the parts for this program.”

Me: “What?”

Employee: “You need a laptop.”

Me: “No, I don’t. This desktop was custom built to handle the software and everything else we’re using. This is why it was weird when it randomly stopped working.”

Employee: “You need a new graphics card. Desktops don’t have the right kind of graphics card.”

Me: “This program was literally working two days ago. On the same computer. We have not made a single update to any of our equipment. Now why would it not be working all of a sudden?”

Employee: “You need a graphics card or a laptop.”

Me: “I’m done. Bye.” *hangs up*


Not Leaving The Trainee In The Cold

| USA | At The Checkout, Health & Body, Technology

(I am purchasing a few items from a one-stop-shopping kind of store, and approach the check-out with my purchases. I get in line at a check-stand and note that the clerk’s tag says that he’s a new employee. I figure this may take a few extra minutes if he’s still learning the system, but I’m not in any hurry. He scans my tissues, snacks, and cold medicine, and I hand him my ID. He stares at it for a moment, not sure what to do with it. There must have been a lag in the system, because there’s a beat or so before a screen pops up, asking for him to check my ID.)

Clerk: “Oh!” *he laughs* “I guess you know the system better than I do!”

(I smile.)

Me: “No, it’s just that I’ve had this dumb cold for a while now, and the great state of [State] wants to make sure that I’m not Walter White.”


An Opposing Opposable Thumb

| CO, USA | Technology

(I’m on the phone with tech support.)

Me: “So tell me what to do, please.”

Tech: “First, press the star key.”

Me: “Okay, I did that, but nothing happened.”

Tech: “Please tell me, how did you press the star key?”

Me: *deadpan* “With my thumb.”


Unable To Secure The Sign

| QC, Canada | Employees, Technology

(There is a knock on the door. I open and there’s a guy, obviously uneasy, holding a ADT security sign in his hand.)

Salesman: “Good evening. How would you like to have one of these on your lawn?”

(It really looks like this is his first attempts at selling security systems. He’s really nervous.)

Me: “Yes, sure. Just put it right in front of the living room window, please.”

Salesman: *taken aback* “Err… it’s that… you have to buy a security system to get it.”

Me: “Ah. No thank you, then. Goodbye.”


It Don’t Matter If You’re Black Or White

| Australia | Coworkers, Funny Names, Musical Mayhem, Technology

(My coworker is using the printer, which is notorious for breaking.)

Me: “I like to call the printer Bob Marley, because it’s always jammin’.”

Coworker: “Well, right now it needs toner, so I guess that makes it Michael Jackson.”

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