(On a whim, I decide to take my sister out to dinner as a show of good “sibling” relationships. We are both twins. My sister is very open and outgoing while I am very quiet out of habit and usually letting my sister speak for me. My sister is roughly 5’9 while I am 6’6. We are both high school juniors.)
Waiter: Hi there! My name is [name] and I’ll be serving you today, what’s on your guy’s mind today?
Sister: Hey there! We would like a—
Waiter: *cutting her off* Yes, and what would YOU like? *gestures to me and winks seductively*
Me: *put off my this waiter’s rudeness towards my sister* Um… *gestures to my sister*
Sister: Yeah, we would like a [order #1] for me and a [order #2] for him.
Waiter: *condescendingly* I’m sorry sweetie, but those are only available AFTER 3 p.m..
Sister: Uh, we never heard of that rule for a traditional restaurant before, but I guess we’ll take [order #3] instead, for the both of us?
Waiter: Fine, follow me to be seated.
Me: *quietly* Do you actually think that she thinks that you are my girlfriend?
Sister: Yeah, I mean, it’s obvious when you think about it. How about we mess with her today? I mean, that was a bull move back there about the food, and she’s kind of rude.
(For the rest of the visit, we move our seats to be right next to each other and start holding hands and resting our heads on each other’s shoulders and the likes of that. Each time, the waiter sees us, his face grows a little redder. Meanwhile, only my part of the meal has been delivered, the waiter “accidentally” pours water onto my sister, and teats her as if she was invisible, all the while she is winking seductively at me and positioning herself so that we can see her cleavage. We decide not to leave a tip.)
Waiter: Oh, no tip? I mean, I devoted all of my time into you guys!
Me: *standing up* No, you didn’t.
(I should also mention that my voice is incredibly deep and I am almost 200 lbs of pure muscle from swimming and football)
Me: You spent all of your efforts on ME alone. I don’t care who you think you are, but you treat me or my sister like that again, you’re going to have a problem.
Waiter: *grows red and sputters before sulking away with our money*
Sister: Okay, that’s a bit much, but lets leave, now. Please?
Me: *gestures okay, fine*
(As we head out into the parking lot, a flustered and rather overweight man runs up to us.)
Man: Uh sir? *points to me* I have a few questions for you.
Sister: If this involves us, let’s just say that our service was terrible. Our sever treated me like I was nonexistent, and she kept putting her cleavage in our face.
Man: *wipes forehead* Ah well, that’s partly the reason I’m here. I’ve seen her do that before, but never managed to catch up to them. *gestures at himself* Yeah, she came in, really steamed and started to call the cops. When I asked her why, she started screaming about you guys.
Sister: I think the weirdest part about today was that we’re both minors, and she looked lie she was like, 25 or something.
Man: Yeah, she managed to dial the fuzz, but I took that phone away from her, and reported her a**. Sorry, I shouldn’t curse, but being the manager as well as being overweight tends to make people not listen to me.
(In the end, the waiter was arrested for pedophilia, fired, and was unable to apply for work anywhere else due to having a criminal record. We still see her sometimes in the restaurant, picking food out of the back of the building.)