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How To Win The War Against Telemarketers, Part 2


Sins Of The Father

| USA | Hall of Fame

(I’m a stagehand with a small theatre production. My boss is quite horrible. His son is also one of my coworkers. He seems to think he can do whatever he wants, whenever he wants, including groping female coworkers who have asked him repeatedly not to touch them. One of them works in the security department. She is really sick of my boss trying to claim that his son isn’t doing anything wrong. It is afternoon while the stage crew is setting up. We hear the boss yell for the security employee.)

Security Employee: “What?”

Boss: “First of all, you will show me respect as your superior.”

(The security employee crosses her arms over her chest and gives him a look. The two of them are actually at about the same level in the company, so he ISN’T her superior.)

Boss: *shakily* “Second, where is my son?”

Security Employee: *matter-of-factly* “Duct taped to a table in the stagehand’s break room.”

Boss: “WHAT?! HOW DARE YOU! I’ll have you fired for this!”

Security Employee: “Two things. One, I’ve filed repeated complaints against your son for harassment. Two, there are security cameras in the break room which will show he approached me and grabbed my behind. I turned around and told him not to touch me. Your son proceeded to try to pin me to the fridge and put his hands on me very inappropriately. I shoved him and he fell down. I figured that it would be a far more memorable lesson in the field of ‘you are never going to do this again’ if he woke up taped to the table.”

Boss: “I shall take this to the owner! I’ll do it!”

(Just then the owner came in, having overheard the entire exchange. He fired my boss and his son, and ended up giving the security employee all the information she needed to file a harassment suit against both of them: the son for doing it, and the father for trying to sweep it under the rug. And, yes, she REALLY DID duct tape him to the table! It took 15 minutes to cut him loose!)

Enforcing Good Change

| Schiedam, Netherlands | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Employees, Holidays, Money, Theme Of The Month

(While looking over my receipt, I notice that the cashier has given me 45 cents in change instead of the 15 cents I should have received in return. The cashier has already closed his register and disappeared into the store again, so I hail the store guard and explain to him what happened.)

Guard: “So what do you want me to do?”

Me: “If you could get the cashier back please? I worked in retail myself and I know how annoying even a small discrepancy in the register can be.”

Guard: “Sure.”

(The guard leaves, while I continue packing my groceries into my bags. I look up to see the bewildered face of the cashier standing beside me.)

Cashier: “The guard said I gave you too much money?”

(I nod and point out the amount on the receipt versus the amount I physically received.)

Me: “It’s only 30 cents, but I know how even small amounts can mess up the daily tally.”

(The cashier stares at me, but slowly holds out his hand to receive the two 20 cent coins I received from him, with me holding on to the 5 cent coin. He quickly turns around to open his register and gives me a 10 cent coin back.)

Cashier: “That should do it. Right? I mean, thanks?”

Me: “Not at all. I hope you have happy holidays!”

Guard: “More people should be like you.”

Me: “Well, it was only a small amount. But I was taught that a better world starts with your own actions. Happy holidays!”

Guard: “Happy holidays!”

Unable To Process Your Request

| Perth, WA, Australia | Employees, Holidays, Ignoring & Inattentive, Technology, Theme Of The Month

(I’m trying to buy my mum’s Christmas present but can’t decide between a food processor and a cake mixer. I walk around in circles in the electronics section of the superstore for 10 minutes. One of the sales assistants finally stops chatting to his coworkers long enough to see me trying to catch their eye. He seems very nervous and shy so I try to be cheerful and friendly to put him at ease.)

Sales Assistant: “Do you need help?”

Me: “Yes. I’m trying to decide between a processor and a mixer. Do you know much about them? My budget is around the $300 mark, so if you can show me the best I can get for that price…?”

Sales Assistant: “Yes. I can help. You could always get a multi-processor that does both.”

(I’ve never heard of a combination mixer-processor before. I let him lead me to where they are.)

Sales Assistant: “See this one? It’s a food processor but it’s also a blender too.”

Me: “Oh, no. Not a blender. I mean a mixer like that.”

(I point to one of the huge cake mixers on the other side of the aisle.)

Sales Assistant: “Oh. Well, I don’t know. I think that’s your choice really.”

Me: “Yeah, I figured. I was looking at this mixer. I’m curious why it only has one whisk instead of two like they usually have?”

(I point clearly to the single whisk of this brand and then to another machine that has the two whisk system I’m used to. He picks up the box for the machine and looks at the back.)

Sales Assistant: “Oh… No, look. It comes with a whisk, a dough hook, a—”

Me: “No, no, no. I know they come with lots of attachments. I mean is there a reason this one only has one and this other one has two?”

Sales Assistant: “Oh! Uh, I don’t know.”

Me: “Never mind, then. I don’t want to get her something if I’m not sure it’ll be the right thing for her. How about these processors? I haven’t used one in a while so I’m not sure exactly what the difference between them is or what they all do.”

Sales Assistant: “Well, your processor is basically… It does all your food preparation like… chopping and cutting and processing…”

Me: *facepalm* “No. I know what they do. I know what they’re for. I just need to know which is the best model in my price range.”

Sales Assistant: “Oh, uh… I don’t really know.”

(The sales assistant then proceeds to look at the boxes for the few models in my price range and literally read their details out to me, which I could have done myself. In the end I just chose the one I was looking at in the first place and hoped for the best!)

Finished In The Blink Of An Eye

| WI, USA | Awesome Customers, Bizarre/Silly, Employees, Health & Body

(I have just had an eye exam. I am entering the store section to pick out a pair of new frames.)

Employee: “Do you have any preferences?”

Me: “Only that I want springs in the earpieces.”

Employee: “Okay. Let’s start with these.”

(The employee picks out five different frames and lays them down in front of me. I pick up the first pair and slide them on.)

Me: “These are nice. I’ll take these.”

Employee: “Wait. You can’t do that!”

Me: “Do what?”

Employee: “You can’t take the first pair you try on!”

Me: “Why not?”

Employee: “I don’t know! It’s never happened to me before!”

Me: “Well, now it has. I like these.”

(As I’m walking out of the store chuckling, I hear the employee make a remark to another employee.)

Employee: “Easiest customer EVER!”

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