Making A Bald Assumption

| Coworkers, Health & Body

(A customer has just called, and I answer the phone. She asks for my coworker, so I put her on hold and page him.)

Me: “[Coworker], you have a call on line one.”

Coworker: “Who is it?”

Me: “There’s a customer. She says she talked to you earlier about a computer.”

Coworker: “Did she ask for me by name?”

Me: “No, she asked for the old bald guy with the mustache. That would be you.”

Coworker: “I shouldn’t have asked.”

Two Too Early

| Westlock, AB, Canada | At The Checkout, Employees, Food & Drink, Time

(I pop in for lunch at a well-known fast food chain. This fast food chain switches from their breakfast menu to their lunch menu at 11 am. I check my watch to see it’s 10:58. I decide to try for lunch anyway.)

Me: “Hi! Is it too early to order a cheeseburger?”

Clerk: “We don’t start serving lunch until 11.”

Me: “But it’s literally two minutes until 11.”

Clerk: “I said we don’t start serving lunch until 11!”

Me: “Okay. In that case, I’ll be back in two minutes!”

(I go use the washroom. When i come back out, my watch says 11 am, and the menus have been switched over to the lunch menu. I go back to the same clerk.)

Me: “Hi! I’d like to order a cheeseburger.”

(I get my cheeseburger… and a death glare!)

His Brain Has A Busy Signal

| Marietta, GA, USA | Employees, Extra Stupid

(My car is in the shop and for a week now, I’ve been trying to get somebody on the phone. Today, I get through.)

Employee: “Hello, [Car Place].”

Me: “Hi, this is [My Name]. I’m calling about the Taurus.”

Employee: “Yeah, it’s been sitting there. We can’t work on it until we get an okay.”

Me: “Yeah, sorry about that. I keep trying to call back but you don’t have an answering machine and I keep getting a busy signal.”

Employee: “Are you sure you have the right number?”

Me: “I called you today with it…”

Being The Change You Want To See In The World

| MN, USA | At The Checkout, Employees, Ignoring/Inattentive, Money

Cashier: “Your order is $8.93.”

Me: *gives the cashier $10.03; a ten and three pennies*

Cashier: *with emphasis this time* “Your order is $8.93.”

Me: *looks at what I gave her, counts it up in my head again, and decides that it was correct* “That is correct.”

(The cashier sets the pennies down, opens the cash drawer, puts in the ten, and takes out a dollar bill plus seven cents. They then pick up the three original cents and hand all of it to me.)

Me: *stunned* “Actually, can you exchange this ten cents for a dime?”

Cashier: “Sure.”

All Other Mammals Get Boned

| Lincoln, NE, USA | Pets & Animals, Rude & Risque

(My mum and I have been wandering through our favourite antique store. I’ve found some things of interest, and join my mum at a case where she’s looking at some jewelry. I realize there’s a bone in the display case that I hadn’t seen before, and as my mum’s looking at a brooch, this occurs.)

Me: “Can I see the walrus tusk?”

Associate #1: “Uh… sure!” *there’s a pause as she reaches in* “Hey, uh, [Associate #2], is this the uh… is the walrus thing-thing thing?”

Associate #2: *from about fifteen feet away* “Huh?”

Associate #1: “The walrus… y’know… thing!”

Associate #2: “Hold on,” *she approaches and glances into the case, then looks back up at her coworker* “Yeah, that’s it.”

Me: “I feel like I should be a bit worried.”

Associate #1: “Well, it’s, uh… it’s a walrus’s penis.”

Me: *I realize I misidentified the object* “Oh, a baculum!”

Associate #2: “Huh?”

Me: “A baculum – a ‘penis bone.’ It’s found in mammals, but not in humans.” *laughing* “Sorry, I’m a biologist, so this stuff doesn’t really bother me.”

Associate #1: “Wait, it’s THAT long?!”

Associate #2: “Well, I mean, you know how big walruses can get.”

(I didn’t have the heart to tell them that a blue whale’s baculum could get up to eight feet in length…)