Throw In A Few Pun-kin Seeds

| Orlando, FL, USA | Coworkers, Pun

(I am well-known for making puns/bad jokes. I have to go check a room for a guest that checked out but it still staying nearby, specifically looking for food and finding a few different varieties of potato chips and one stick of butter in the fridge.)

Me: “Here’s everything.”

Coworker: “They made you go into the room just for chips? Jeez, man, that’s nuts. That is completely nuts.”

Me: “No, [Coworker], they’re chips. They’re clearly chips.”

(Cue groan/half-hearted laugh from Coworker.)

Coworker: *sarcastically* “Oh, [My Name], you’re on a roll.”

Me: “I know. That’s why I brought the butter.”


Not So Pretty In Pink, Part 2

| ME, USA | Bigotry, Employees

(My local retail store organizes the toys into baby/toddler, girls, boys. My daughter is nearly two years old, and I start shopping for birthday presents and Christmas presents in October. I try to find ones she’ll like; as a result I go into the toys for boys to find a bag of blocks in bold colors and happen to let it slip they’re for my daughter.)

Me: “Oh, finally.” *grabs the bag* “She’ll love these!”

Worker: “’She’ll’?”

Me: “Hmm? Oh, yes, they’re for my daughter. She loves bold colors, plus I can use them to teach her colors.”

Worker: “Don’t you think you should get the girls’ version then?”

Me: “There’s not really a difference in the three versions other than colors.”

Worker: “But the girls get more colors!”

Me: “She would prefer these.”

Worker: “No, she wouldn’t.”

Me: “I think I would know my own daughter. I’ll get these for her.”

(I put the bag of blocks in the front of the cart, where you would sit your child as I have a feeling if I put them in the back the worker would snatch them.)

Worker: “No! She needs the GIRL version!”

Me: “Lady, she plays with the SAME blocks at my in-laws and no one gives a damn! If my daughter clearly don’t care what the gender is for toys, why the hell should she care what the gender is for THESE?”

Worker: “It’s not right!” *she stamped, yes STAMPED her feet like a child after this until other people peered into the aisle to see what was up*

Me: “Fine. Go put on a pink vest.”

Worker: “Why?!”

Me: “Blue is for boys! Gosh don’t you know?!”

Worker: “Blue looks just fine on me!”

Me: “But it’s for boys! You should probably also wear pink and purple and pastel EVERYTHING!”

Worker: “I like darker colors!”

Me: “Well, so does my nearly two-year-old daughter. Actually the bolder the better. This way she’ll learn red, blue, yellow, green.”

Worker: “But she’s a GIRL!”

Me: “Trust me, I’m aware of that. I changed multiple diapers by now and have given her a bath.”

(Unbeknownst to me, one of the customers that was behind me had flagged down a manager and they came up right behind the worker.)

Worker: “SHE SHOULD HAVE THE GIRL BLOCKS!” *reaches towards the bag of blocks I currently have in my cart and that I still have my arms around*

Manager: “[Worker]!”

Worker: *jumps high and turns around, paling*

Manager: “Just… just go to the office. I’ll deal with you in a moment.”

(I haven’t’ seen that worker in toys since, but I have seen her in food, where she can’t yell at anyone for purchasing macaroni and cheese for a boy or girl, and where she can give me the dirtiest look she can possibly manage. I did get that block set and I can’t wait to see my daughter’s face when she realizes she has her very own set now!)

Not So Pretty In Pink


So Much Lol in Español

| USA | Language & Words, New Hires

(I have just been transferred to a new department that is known among the employees for having a very strange manager. He has been showing me around and so far nothing strange has happened until:)

Manager: “Okay, now the toughest subject of all: customer service. What would you do if a kid threw a tantrum? Demonstrate.”

(He lies down and begins to fake cry and bang his fists.)

Me: “Um, there, there. Let me go find your parent…”

Manager: “That’s not bad. Now pretend there’s a grumpy old man.” *he starts flailing his limbs and complaining*

Me: “Sir, please explain to me what you need and I would be happy to help you.”

Manager: “Excellent. Okay, last one, customer that can’t speak English. Hola, ayudame por favor!”

Me: “Let me get you the manager; he speaks Spanish.”

Manager: “Great! I think you’ll fit in just fine here.”


That Request Doesn’t Have A Leg To Stand On

| MD, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Health & Body

(A customer had called our store about a discrepancy with a price from her insurance. The pharmacist thinks he found the issue and is relaying the information to the customer.)

Pharmacist: “All right, cross your fingers and toes and hope that this works!”

(I didn’t think much of it and went back to my work. When he hangs up, he starts laughing.)

Me: “What’s up?”

Pharmacist: “You know the customer I was on the phone with? Mrs. [Name]?”

Me: “Yeah?”

Pharmacist: “I told her to cross her fingers and toes that her insurance would work.”

Me: “What about it?”

Pharmacist: “I just remembered she doesn’t have legs!”


Please Leave The Emasculation On The Side

| TX, USA | Bigotry, Employees

(While going grocery shopping, my wife and I stop at a popular fast food chicken place we like very much. We make our order, and go wait. Soon the waiter arrives with our trays… and this ensues.)

Waiter: “Okay, who had the side salad?”

Me: “That’s mine.”

Waiter: “Uh, usually only women order the salad.”

Me: “That’s okay. I can handle it.”

Waiter: *sets down the trays and skedaddles*

(Ah, life in small town Texas!)