H2-Ooooookay

| Ireland | Employees, Food & Drink, Ignoring & Inattentive

(I am meeting a friend after working out in the gym for coffee. I’m still feeling very warm and tired after showering and changing. I arrive before my friend and decide to order as I wait because I’m thirsty.)

Me: *reading the menu board behind the counter*

Barista #1: “Hi! How can I help you?”

Me: “Hi, there. Could I get a medium black iced coffee and a bottle of water, please?”

Barista #1: *smiling* “Sorry, we don’t do iced coffee!”

Me: *thinking she’s new, I point behind her* “I think you do! It’s on your menu board underneath the iced tea.”

Barista #1: *seeing it* “Oh, sorry! Hold on.” *calls another worker over*

Barista #2: “Hi! What’s the problem?”

Barista #1: *still staring at the menu board* “Do we do iced coffee?”

Barista #2: “Yeah, we do! I’ll show you how to do it.” *to me* “What size?”

Me: “Medium and black, please. I’m allergic to milk. Oh, and a water as well! Thanks.”

Barista #2: *makes espresso in full view, adds tap water, and puts it in a clear cup* “Any whipped cream on it?”

Me: *confused* “No thanks…? Just plain, no sugar, no milk.”

Barista #2: “Any syrup in it?”

Me: “Erm, no thanks… Just plain black iced coffee, please…”

Barista #2: “Milk? Sugar?”

Me: *staring at her put a lid on my tepid ice-free ‘iced coffee’* “No thanks?”

Barista #2: “Okay, well here you go! Iced coffee with water!”

Me: *staring at the cup of tepid coffee* “Are you sure this is iced?”

Barista #1: “Oh, yes! I saw her use the cold tap!”

Me: *dumbfounded* “And my water?”

Barista #2: “It’s in it!”

(I was too confused and surprised at their stupidity to do anything other than pay for the drink and leave. I called my friend and had her meet me at a different shop where I stuck to drinking water.)

A Colorful Excuse

| MN, USA | Bosses & Owners, Health & Body, Ignoring & Inattentive

(I’m being interviewed for a seasonal position at a local crafting store. I’m also color blind.)

Interviewer: “Your references checked out and we’d love to have you on the staff.”

Me: “Perfect! I just need to make sure I’m cashier only, however, due to the nature of the store.”

Interviewer: “Not a problem; we start all of our seasonals as cashiers and go from there anyway, and I’ll make sure the managers know about the circumstances. There’s plenty to do that doesn’t involve coloring.”

(My first shift, a manager snags me and brings me to the fabric section.)

Manager: “Okay, so I need these sorted by color. I’ll have someone come help you in a bit when it slows down.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t. I’m [My Name] and I’m-”

Manager: “And I’m your boss, so do it.” *walks away*

(I do what I can until help arrives and wonder if any of the managers actually read my interview notes. An hour later, he comes back.)

Manager: “You’ve barely touched this section!”

Me: “Yes, I know. I’m [My Name] and I was promised I would be cashier only because I’m COLOR BLIND and therefore kind of useless when it comes to sorting things by color.”

Manager: “Oh, right, you’re THAT one. Look this one-” *points* “-is blue, and this one-” *points* “is green. Then there’s purple, aqua-”

Me: “Yeah, I’m sorry, but that’s black, that’s gray, and the rest look brown.”

Manager: “Fine, I’ll get someone else to do it! Just go cashier!”

Me: “Love to.”

(At least it’s only a seasonal position.)

Trafficking In Excuses

| USA | Liars/Scammers, New Hires

(We have recently hired a new cashier. She’s a bit bratty, but is a good worker. She also spends way too much time on her phone while working as well as occasionally coming in late. It is one of our busiest mornings yet, and we only have one cashier on duty, while the new hire is late. Desperate, I call her.)

Me: “[New Hire]? Where are you?! We’re getting slammed here. Why aren’t you at work yet?”

New Hire: “Yeah, there’s been a lot of traffic and there’s really nothing I can do.”

Me: *skeptical as I have heard people use that excuse before* “Really? Well, if you are in the middle of traffic, then send me a picture.”

New Hire: *hangs up*

Me: *gets new notification*

(It’s a selfie of her wearing VERY reflective sunglasses in the car and driving. At first, I thought that I’ll let her off the hook, but then I notice something and I call her back.)

New Hire: *rather smugly* “Told you I was in traffic.”

Me: “Yeah, I thought as much, but I noticed something about the picture you sent me.”

New Hire: *sounding less certain but still smug* “Oh, yeah? What’s that?”

Me: “How about the fact that we live in one of the most populous cities in America and that the background is a flat plain? And how about the fact that your sunglasses shows absolutely NO cars in front of you?”

New Hire: *hangs up*

(A few days later, I got a call from my boss stating that she had been fired, not only for ditching work but also for faking it, as well by coming in the back when we were busy and changing the work logs. She still occasionally drops in to glare and leave a bad report on me. They always get tossed.)

Crabby Conflict

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Employees, Food & Drink, Ignoring & Inattentive, Religion

(I work at a jewelry store and am staying late for inventory. I keep kosher and so far my boss has been pretty good at making alternatives for me. The night of inventory she said she’s gonna order pizza. I remind her that I cannot have pepperoni and to just avoid meat. When I get there she has ordered sushi… with crab. Not wanting to offend her, I don’t mention it until she offers me a piece.)

Me: “I can’t have that, sorry; it’s crab.”

Boss: “But there’s no dairy in it.”

Me: “Ya… kosher is a little bit more complicated than that.”

When X-Ray Becomes Ultrasound

| Las Vegas, NV, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Technology, Tourists & Travel

(I am on holiday in Vegas and going through final security with my bags when this bizarre incident happens. I am watching airport security as they start to look very concerned with my baggage and giving me very strange looks.)

Security Guard: “Excuse me, sir, can you come over here, please?”

Me: “Sure, is there something wrong?”

Security Guard: “You have a foetus in your bag.”

Me: *thinking I’ve misheard him* “Sorry, I have a what in my bag?”

Security Guard: “You have a foetus in your bag… A foetus!”

Me: “No, I don’t! Have a look and see!”

Security Guard: “See! It’s there on the x-ray! Please open your bag!”

(It then dawned on me what this alleged foetus was… a big ceramic Kokopelli decoration which is a native American hunchbacked fertility symbol… I started laughing in incredulity as they looked very sheepish indeed and let me go through.)