That’s Not One Smart Apple

| London, England, UK | Language & Words, Money, Popular, Technology

(I am quite up to speed on technology, but find it quite awkward when paying for groceries using my phone or watch. I have gone to the grocery store, but realize that I have forgotten my wallet. I get to the checkout.)

Me: “Hi, I’ve forgotten my wallet. Do you have Apple Pay?”

Employee: “Sure!”

(The employee went away, which I thought was quite odd, and came back and handed me something.)

Employee: “Here’s your apple pie!”

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Deity Of The Dead

| Denver, CO, USA | Coworkers, Holidays, Religion

(It’s about a week before Easter. I approach a coworker who I know doesn’t celebrate it.)

Me: “So, what are you doing on Zombie day?”

Coworker: “Zombie day?”

Me: “Next Sunday. Easter. You know… Jesus rose from the dead…”

(She got a good laugh from that.)

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Trying To Give Them The Skinny On Being Skinny

| IL, USA | Employees, Health & Body, Ignoring & Inattentive, Popular

(I am a 16-year-old girl. I am about 5’8″ and very skinny, weighing under 105 pounds. However, I’m not malnourished; I simply have a very high metabolism and small bone structure. I have gone for a medical checkup. It’s important to note that this is my first time seeing this particular doctor, since my family has just moved.)

Me: “Hi, my name’s [Full Name] and I have an appointment for today with Dr.[Name].”

Nurse: “Okay. While you’re waiting, you can look over some of these materials.”

(She hands me a stack of pamphlets about eating disorders.)

Me: “Um… do you give these to all the young girls that come in?”

Nurse: “No, just the ones that are here for help with overcoming eating disorders. There is help out there, you know. This won’t be forever.”

Me: “I’m not anorexic. I’m just skinny. I’m here for a regular checkup. Doesn’t it say that in my appointment info?”

Nurse: “Well, yes, but it’s okay to be embarrassed about these things. This is a safe place. We’re here for you.”

Me: “No, seriously. I’m fine. I know I look skinny, but it’s just the way I am. I get it from my mom.”

Nurse: “All right, honey, you don’t have to talk to me about it. The doctor will be with you soon.”

(I give up, and decide I’ll just wait and explain the misunderstanding to my new doctor.)

Nurse: “[My Name].”

Me: “Coming.”

(I go into the examination room. Soon, the doctor comes in.)

Doctor: “So, the nurse tells me you’re here for help with your eating disorder.”

Me: “Yeah, sorry about that. I don’t actually have a disorder; I’m just naturally skinny. I couldn’t get the nurse to understand that, though, so I just let her put that in my info.”

Doctor: “Well, I happen to agree with her. You’re clearly anorexic or bulimic. How long ago did it start?”

Me: “It didn’t. I don’t have an eating disorder!”

Doctor: “The first step to finding a solution is admitting there’s a problem. It’s okay, [My Name]. I won’t judge you or tell on you.”

Me: “Listen to me. I do not have an eating disorder! I have a high metabolism and small bone structure. Look! I can touch ALL FOUR fingers to my thumb around my wrist at the same time!”

(I demonstrate. The doctor pays no attention.)

Doctor: “It’s okay to be embarrassed, but you need to let go of your defensiveness about this. I can help you, but only if you let me in. Have you had any trouble with bullies?”

Me: “You know what? I think I’ll try another doctor.”

(I walked out. I soon found another doctor who was able to understand that some people are simply skinny, and that they aren’t necessarily starving themselves!)