Slicing Salami But Talking Baloney

| Tallahassee, FL, USA | Employees, Extra Stupid, Math & Science

(I am getting some sliced meats and cheeses at the deli counter, and the woman working is pleasant enough but very slow. After a few minutes, she calls over another, just-off-break worker to take over my order, which was (at this point) slicing a quarter pound of salami. The following exchange ensued as part of the process:)

Second Worker: “A quarter-pound? I don’t know what that is!”

First Worker: “Zero-point-two-five.”

(Externally I remained The Thinker, but internally I was performing The Picard Facepalm.)

The Little Devils Are Little Angels

| Sacramento, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Family & Kids

(I am a mother of four. Sadly, my second child passed away shortly after birth. I am at the store with my three surviving children, eight, four, and two. My kids are acting up a bit, but nothing too bad: staying the cart, just talking a little loudly, and the four-year-old is asking for stuff.)

Cashier: “Having a good day?”

Me: *my typical response* “With these kids? It’s always a good day.”

Cashier: “Really? Even when they are being like that?”

Me: “Yep! I’ve got one kid dead and in heaven, so any day with these kids—” *gestures to my sweeties who yes, are currently being loud, but staying in the cart* “—is a GOOD ONE.”

Cashier: *shuts up*

Intern(ment) Camp

| The Netherlands | Bad Behavior, Bosses & Owners, Coworkers

(I’m an intern at a sound and light rental company. Since the beginning of my internship there, i have been nothing but degraded, put down, and had to deal with remarks like ‘are you retarded or just incompetent’ and ‘lazy ass cow.’ I’m already in the process of finding another place to do my internship but decency obliges me to stay in this firm until things are settled with my next intern address. Plus, my boss is on vacation so I can’t just leave. I’m busy loading the truck with equipment that’s quite heavy. Meanwhile, my colleague is testing some microphones, taking his sweet time doing so. I can’t lift one piece of equipment onto the truck on my own so i ask him to give me a hand.)

Coworker: “Can’t you see I’m busy? I’ll help you in a second.”

(I wait for a bit. He is still taking his sweet time testing the mics. I look around if there is other stuff to do, but there isn’t really anything. I go and ask him again.)

Coworker: “Geez, girl, can’t you do anything on your own? I’ll be there in a minute! Go smoke a cigarette or something.”

Me: “You know I don’t smoke.”

Coworker: “Whatever. Go do something for yourself. See if I care.”

Me: “Really? It will take you like ten seconds to come and help me out. If you could just do that we both can get on with our business.”

Coworker: *inaudible mumbling*

(Again, I wait. I get a text message in the meantime and go check it. Right there and then, my other coworker, who has declared himself ‘boss’ in my actual boss’ absence, comes to me.)

Coworker #2: “God-d*** it! Now I see you fiddling with your phone again! You lazy, stupid girl! I’m so d*** tired of you! If you think you’re too good to do anything around here you’re in for something!”

(I’m baffled with the injustice, and I try to say something but decide I’m not in the mood for a fight.)

Me: “You know what, dude? You’re right. Okay? You’re absolutely right. Whatever you say.”

Coworker #2: “Don’t you put on that disrespectful tone towards me! You know who you are talking to? I deserve some d*** respect from you!” (the guy is my age: 24)

Me: “For real?! Do I still have the right to stand up for myself here or not?”

Coworker #2: “No, you don’t! And if you don’t like it you can pack up and leave!”

Me: *suddenly calm* “Okay.”

(I grabbed my stuff and left. Coworker #1 suddenly hurried to lift the equipment into the truck, giving me an absolute death-glare. When my boss returned he didn’t even have the decency to have a normal evaluation talk with me without picking a fight. I never came back after that. Thankfully I found a new intern-place right after that was a hundred times better!)

Getting Your Card Is Not On The Cards

| IA, USA | Ignoring & Inattentive

(I am at a large pizza sports bar. It is about an hour after the regular lunch rush so the restaurant is pretty slow and only has about six tables with customers. About half the wait-staff is probably on break, but there are still about three covering tables. Our waitress is really friendly but a tiny bit distracted. We get our bill and I give her my card to pay… and wait for her return. She then takes some food out to another table and gets drinks. My husband goes to use the restroom, comes back, and asks if I am ready to go. Nope. Still haven’t gotten my card back. Then I realize that she is wiping down a table that is clean. I realize she has forgotten us. I walk up to her while my husband sits at the table with our to-go boxes.)

Me: “Excuse me. We really need to be going –” *I point towards my husband*  “– and I would like my card back.”

Waitress: “I never gave it back?”

Me: “Nope.”

Waitress: “Oh, dear…”

(She walks to the unmanned check-out stand next to the outside door. Our bill has been rung through and is sitting on the counter, with my card, out in the open.)

Waitress: “Okay. Here you go. The tip sheet is at the bottom of the bill.”

(For the record: yes, I still tipped her, but it wasn’t the higher percentage that I normally tip.)

Reverse Registration

| Cameron Park, CA., USA | Criminal/Illegal, Transportation

(I have traveled to visit my parents. My car registration tags are expired. The replacement sticker had just arrived in the mail, but I was in a hurry so I simply dropped it on my passenger seat with the intent of applying it to my car once I got to my parents’ house. Well, I forgot and while I am leaving town, I notice the flashing lights of a city police cruiser in my rear view mirror and immediately realize my mistake. I pull over in a parking lot and the nearest spot happens to have a row of bushes right by driver’s side, leaving the officer no room to come up to my window. While he is still pulling in, I back out a few feet and reposition my car to give enough space for him to approach my window.)

Officer: *walks up to my window as I roll it down*

Me: *holding my registration tag* “I know exactly why you pulled me over. I was in a hurry and was going to put this before I left, but I forgot. I’ll put it on right now.”

Officer: “Ah, I see. That’s fine. And while I appreciate you making space to walk up here, we really do not want to see reverse lights when we have someone stopped. We have no way of knowing whether you might try to ram us or our cars.”

Me: “Oh, sorry. Thanks for not shooting up my car.”

Officer: *chuckling* “That’s your one free pass.”