Calling For Police (Distr)Action

| Canada | At The Checkout, Employees, Ignoring & Inattentive

(I realize about 12:30 am that I am out of some essential items so I head off to the nearest 24-hour supermarket. As I pull in I notice two police cars parked out front, and a third one pulling in. They don’t appear to be in urgent mode so I go in. As I pass the bakery section I see that they have a guy pinned to the wall and cuffed. The situation seems to be under control so I do my shopping, and get in an unusually long line for the time of night. As I get to the one lone cashier:)

Cashier: “I apologise for the long wait.”

(I assume it is due to other staff having to leave their stations to deal with the situation.)

Me: “Yeah, must have been something, with all those police showing up!”

Cashier: *looks at me, confused* “What police?”

(She had a clear line of sight down to the bakery waiting area, so I have no idea how in our sleepy city, she missed probably the biggest action of the day in a nearly empty store. I don’t hold out much hope for her survival in a zombie apocalypse.)

Someone Be The Voice Of Reason

| Surrey, England, UK | Bosses & Owners, Extra Stupid, Health & Body

(I woke up without my voice on a day off, so my mum makes my sister, who works in the same cinema as me, call into the office.)

Manager: “[Chain] at [Site]. [Manager] speaking.”

Sister: “Hi, [Manager], this is [Sister].”

Manager: “Hi, are you all right?”

Sister: “I’m fine, but [My Name] has lost her voice. She wants you to know that before her shift tomorrow.”

Manager: “Okay, well, get her to call tomorrow to let us know if that’s still the case.”

Sister: “Uh…”

Manager: “What?”

Sister: “How is she going to tell you if she’s still got no voice tomorrow?”

“Please” Is A Foreign Word These Days

| Rochester, NY, USA | Employees, Extra Stupid, Language & Words

(My parents take my boyfriend and me out to a restaurant. It takes us a few minutes to get the attention of an employee to seat us.)

Boyfriend: “Hi. We have four, please.”

Server: *blank look* “Four… please?”

Us: “…”

(A hostess finally shows up.)

Hostess: “Can I help you?” *looks at the server*

Server: *still blank* ” Four…?”

Me: “Can we get a TABLE for FOUR, please?”

Not (Air) Conditioned To Be Up At Three AM

| TX, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

(Our home phone number is one digit off from a major air conditioning company in our area. One very hot, sultry night, about three in the morning, I get woken up with a phone call from a very angry man complaining that the air conditioning repair man hasn’t shown up yet.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, you’ve called the wron—”

Caller: “You’re d*** right you’re sorry. You sons of b****** said you’d be here by seven pm! Where the h*** is that f****** repair man?!”

Me: “Sir, you’ve got the wrong—”

Caller: “Don’t give me any excuses, young lady. Send me a repairman NOW!”

Me: “But, sir, you don’t underst—”

Caller: “I DON’T WANT ANY EXCUSES! SEND ME A F***** REPAIRMAN, NOW!”

Me: “Okay, sir, I’ve got Sam on his way to your house now. He should be there in about 20 minutes.”

Caller: “It’s about time!”

(He slammed down the phone. I disconnected my phone cord from the wall and went back to sleep. I still have no idea if that guy ever got his AC fixed.)

Legal Fees Are Eternal

| UK | Coworkers, Language & Words

(I work as a nurse in a hospital. The phone at the nurses station rings, I pick up and it’s our ward clerk.)

Clerk: “Hi, I got Mr. [Patient]’s eternity on the phone.”

Me: “Who?!”

Clerk: “His eternity.”

Me: *thinking, is my patient dead and am I having an out-of-body experience right now?* “Um… put them through?”

Voice On The Phone: “Hello, I’m Mr. [Patient]’s solicitor. I’m calling to enquiry into…”

(After the phone call, I walk to the clerk’s desk.)

Me: “So, when you say eternity… Did you mean attorney?”

Clerk: “Oh, I can’t pronounce that word.”

Me: “Why can’t you just say lawyer?”