Troubleshooting Like A Boss

| Fairfield, CA, USA | Bosses & Owners, Extra Stupid, Technology

(I work in an office with a boss who frequently asks questions repeatedly even if nothing has changed or there is no way we could know the answer in hopes of receiving an answer he likes. On Monday, our Internet connection is down. We call Comcast to figure out why. I show the tech to the back and he checks everything out, but there is nothing wrong on his end. At this point the Internet has been out for five hours and none of us have been able to do any work.)

Boss: “Hey, this is telling me I’m connected but I’m not.”

Me: “I know; that’s why we’re still working on it.”

Tech: “See, it all says it’s fine on my end, but the computer up front tells me there’s an IP address that is getting kicked back. So it’s an internal problem. You probably need to call your IT guy.”

Boss: “My computer tells me that I’m connected, but it’s through the hard line. Why isn’t it working? Are you telling me something changed?”

Tech: “I can’t tell. It could be a dirty computer kicking an IP back, or a switch in your router. It’s not Comcast. You still have wireless.”

Boss: “But it’s not working. And none of my people changed anything.”

(At this point I leave them alone. About five minutes later the tech comes over with a wry smile.)

Tech: “Your boss moved all the security cameras this weekend and cycled the security system. His computer was giving off the bad IP.”

Having A Few Tech Errors

, | SC, USA | Employees, Ignoring & Inattentive, Technology

(I’m dropping off a tablet with charging problems at the technical support desk of a national retail chain where I purchased the warranty to go with it. We’re almost finished with the last of the paperwork when this happens.)

Me: “Oh, great! You put down that it’s intermittent so the techs will see it. Now I’m sure they’ll get it right.”

Tech: *who’s checking me out* “Yes, ma’am, I’m sorry this is so frustrating. I have to put the information in the notes or our techs won’t know about it.”

Me: *signing the form* “Yes… ah… I was just saying… I was glad that…”

Tech: *sounding defensive and upset* “I’m sorry, it can be confusing, but I HAVE to have this information in the notes. Again, I’m sorry, but this is the way it has to be done.”

Me: *in shock* “Ah… yes… that’s very good… Thank you.”

Tech: *backing away, waving his hands as if to calm me down* “Ma’am, please… There’s no need to get upset. Our techs are going to work on this as quickly as possible for you.”

Me: “Oh, yes, I know. Should be about two to three weeks? Maybe a little longer if it takes them some time to replicate the—”

Tech: *nearly diving away from the counter as if I’m going to physically attack him* “Two or three weeks is the minimum. It could take longer than that though if they have trouble. You’ll get email notifications… Now, please… We’ve done what you ask… There’s no reason to be angry. You’ll get an email when it’s ready.”

Me: *just standing at the counter and holding the paperwork, watching him literally run away from the counter* “Ah… thanks?”

Your Dream Office

| Finland | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Health & Body

Coworker: “Hey, [My Name], I had a dream about you last night.”

Me: “Really? What happened in it?”

Coworker: “[Head of R&D] and some other managers were having a meeting. You walked in, pointed your butt at them and farted, then walked away.”

Me: “I don’t know what’s worse: that you dreamed I did that, or that I could actually see myself doing that.”

Losing Heat And Patience

| Pleasant Hill, CA, USA | Coworkers, Language & Words

(It’s our first really cold night of the season and I work graveyard. I come out to find frost on my car and spend the drive to work with the heaters going full blast. I get to the front door and knock to be let in.)

Coworker: *teasing* “What’s the password?”

Me: “My cold hands on your bare skin!”

Coworker: “Uh, good guess!”

(He quickly let me in.)

I’m Berry Berry Confused

| Detroit, MI, USA | Employees, Food & Drink, Ignoring & Inattentive, Language & Words

(My husband and I are at a popular local chain for breakfast.)

Me: “I’d like the multi-grain pancakes, but I’d like the strawberry syrup topping instead of the plain mixed berries.”

Waitress: “So you want the berries on the side?”

Me: “No, I want this topping –” *I point to the picture of the strawberry topping on the menu* “– instead of the plain blueberries and strawberries that the pancakes usually come with.”

Waitress: “So you don’t want any berries?”

Me: *getting frustrated at this point* “No! I want the Strawberry TOPPING that is RIGHT HERE in this picture.”

Waitress: “So you want the berries and the topping?”

Me: “No. I want you to switch the topping for the berries.”

Waitress: “But you keep saying ‘Instead’…?”

(At this point I gave up, and just conceded the point. It was not worth fighting over. When my pancakes came out, they were burnt on one side, and all that was on them is the strawberry syrup, no topping at all — the picture I’d pointed out had strawberries, whipped cream, and the strawberry syrup. Being pregnant and hormonal, I just about burst into tears.)