Yakking On About It

| San Diego, CA, USA | Awesome Workers, Food & Drink

(I see a note on the break room fridge:)

Note #1: “I took a [Brand] strawberry yogurt out of the fridge and realized it wasn’t mine after I opened it. I will be happy to pay you back.”

(The next day, this note has been put up just below the first one:)

Note #2: “Dang it! That was high-end [Brand] yogurt made from the RARE Himalayan Mountain Yak, a majestic creature that produces milk only ONCE during its lifetime and must be cared for by specially-trained monks who have reached ENLIGHTENMENT. Needless to say, it won’t be a cheap replacement…”

Putting The Fired Into Hired

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | New Hires, Theme Of The Month

(I’m the manager and have just hired a new cashier. This is his first day, getting things ready to start his very first shift. It’s the day before Super Bowl Sunday.)

New Hire: “Do you think I could have tomorrow off? I didn’t think you would hire me so quickly and I was going to watch the game.”

Me: “Sorry, we require at least a week’s notice for time off unless it’s an emergency.”

New Hire: “Then could I leave early today?”

Me: “…You know what? Why don’t you just go home now and maybe we’ll call you the next time we have another opening.”

Other Cashier: “That was the quickest I’ve ever seen someone get fired.”

Misuse(r) Of The Password

| England, UK | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Technology

(I’m on a webchat with our IT department, when I realise I forgot the username of the PC I need. I quickly phone my coworker.)

Me: “Hey, are you on [PC]?”

Coworker: “Yeah, I’m working on it now.”

Me: “What’s the username?”

Coworker: “It’s [password].”

Me: “Are you sure that is the password…?”

Coworker: “No, the username is [password].”

Me: *knowing he was in the wrong* “Oh, okay. So what is the password?”

Coworker: “It’s [username].”

Me: “Thanks!”

I’m Going To File This Under ‘Useless’

| USA | Bosses & Owners, Crazy Requests

(I work for a small law firm helping people who are in financial trouble. My boss is not the greatest communicator in the world.)

Boss: “What about that one lady who married the guy and has the kid?”

Me: “You mean [Client]?”

Boss: “No, the other one.”

Me: “….you have given me nothing to go on.”

Boss: “She lives in that place with the trees.”

Me: “…”

Boss: “Just go find the file.”

The Battery Isn’t The Only Thing Dying

| Malaysia | Employees, Lazy/Unhelpful, Technology

(The battery in my phone has been draining rather quickly, and I suspect the battery needs to be changed. As my phone uses an internal battery, I cannot simply go out and get a new one; rather, I have to send it to a service centre and allow them to open up the phone. There is only one service centre which supposedly provides this service, and the location is very inconvenient for me. Therefore, I call up their centre to ask for certain details before having to make the long trip there.)

Me: “Hi, I am calling to ask if your centre is able to change the battery for my [Phone model]?”

Receptionist: “What is your service number?”

Me: “Huh?”

Receptionist: “Service number. What is your number?”

Me: “I don’t have a number; I am calling to inquire about your service.”

Receptionist: “Oh, what do you want?”

Me: “Do you provide service for changing the battery of [Phone model]?”

Receptionist: “Go out and buy one.”

Me: “I can’t. It’s an internal battery. That’s why I’m calling.”

Receptionist: “Send your phone in. We don’t know what’s your problem.”

Me: “I’m trying to tell you. I just want to change my battery.”

Receptionist: “No. You have to send it in. We don’t know what’s your problem.”

Me: “Look. There is no problem. I just want to know if you provide the service. If you don’t, then I will be making a wasted trip there. And I might be without a phone for a few days so I need to prepare a backup.”

Receptionist: “Then I cannot help you.”

Me: “You can’t even give me a quotation for the services you provide?”

Receptionist: “No, because we don’t know what’s the problem.”

Me: *speaking slowly and clearly in my last attempt to make her understand* “Okay, the problem is the battery. I need to change it. So, how much would that be?”

Receptionist: “We need to check your phone first. No quotations. Send your phone in.”