Gets It Right Windows 95% Of The Time

| Columbia, SC, USA | Job Seekers

Me: *to coworker* “When you are applying for a job, we all know to update our resumes and keep them current. Right?”

Coworker: “Yup, why?”

Me: “I’m going through some resumes and I feel like I need to dispense some basic advice. One: if you must abbreviate titles, the abbreviation for “Assistant Supervisor” is not “Ass Supervisor.” Two: ensure the software with which you are familiar is current. You get no brownie points for having knowledge in Netscape Navigator, WordPerfect, or Lotus 1-2-3. Three: keep your contact information current. Please do not use your ex-spouse’s telephone number. We don’t want to hear about how they hope you get this job because they owe you back child support or how that “p.o.s.” and you are going through a divorce…”

A Really City Counsellor

| Edmonton, AB, Canada | Employees, Geography, Ignoring & Inattentive

(Our entire department has just been downsized and our employer has been trying to help us find other jobs. This includes helping us transfer to other Federal government positions. I am speaking with one of the counsellors hired to help us.)

Counsellor: “So, have you decided whether to take the severance package or try to transfer to another position?”

Me: “I’d like to try for a transfer, if I can find one in a smaller town in Alberta or British Columbia.”

Counsellor: “Well, you can forget about that. Everyone wants to transfer to Vancouver or Victoria.”

Me: “…”

(For everyone’s information, Vancouver and Victoria are large cities. Not sure how that translates to “a smaller town.” I took the severance package, have lived in a small town on the BC coast ever since, and have owned my own business for several years. Take that, counsellor lady.)

Doesn’t Snow What You’re Talking About

| Leipzig, Germany | Coworkers, Movies & TV

(At work we discuss popular movies. One of my coworkers is a big Disney fan. At that time “Frozen” has come out.)

Coworker: “Disney is really improving on the gender roles in the movie, so the men are sometimes weak and needs to be saved by a woman, or women have different connections than they used to be. I think it is something special that a woman is not only the lead but the hero, too. Like in Frozen.”

Me: “What is so special about it, having a woman be a hero? That’s normal. And Disney had movies which had female heroes and leads. Besides, in the original story it is also a woman, Gerda in that case, who is looking for Kai and is rescuing him from the snow queen.”

Colleague: “[My Name], please be quiet and don’t reveal everything. I haven’t seen the movie yet.”

Me: “Neither have I. I am just retelling the fairy tale the movie is based on.”

Colleague: “What fairy tale?”

Me: “’The Snow Queen’ by Hans Christian Andersen.”

Colleague: “There is a fairy tale?”

This Talk On Ireland Is Going South

| Johannesburg, South Africa | Employees, Ignoring & Inattentive, Lazy/Unhelpful, Tourists & Travel

(I am South African and my husband is British. After a lot of research, we decide to emigrate to Ireland because that seemed the most welcoming EU country to a South African citizen. I did extensive research to make sure that what I read first was correct, which is that South Africans don’t need a visa to visit Ireland for up to three months, and because I was married to an EU citizen, I could apply to stay once I got there. This conversation happens when we’re checking in at the airport on the morning that we’re leaving.)

Me: “Good morning, here’s our tickets and passports.”

Agent: *flipping through all the pages of my South African passport* “You’re going to Ireland? Where’s your visa?”

Me: “I don’t need a visa for Ireland.”

Agent: “Of course you do! We can’t let you on this flight unless you have a visa, sorry.”

Me: *annoyed, but prepared for this* “No, you’re confusing Northern Ireland, which is part of the UK. I am not going to Northern Ireland; I’m going to the Republic of Ireland. South Africans don’t need a visa to visit the Republic; they only need a visa for the UK.”

Agent: “I’m not sure; let me check.”

(The agent then calls out to another agent, but in one of the other South African languages, so I don’t understand them. After a shouting discussion between them, he eventually looks back at me.)

Agent: “Okay, so it seems you don’t need a visa for Ireland, but you should really check these things first.”

Me: “…”

(I got checked in, and had no further issues luckily. I’m still amazed that somebody who does that job doesn’t know that Ireland and Northern Ireland are different. I couldn’t have been the first South African wanting to visit Ireland. Maybe he was new.)

Wasting Time At A Bad Time

| TX, USA | Bad Behavior, Bosses & Owners, Pets & Animals

(My boss calls me into a private meeting and accuses me of wasting time which, I assure him, I have not. Please note that I’m a pretty sensitive person and don’t handle confrontation well.)

Me: *starting to get upset*

Boss: “Well, do you have anything you’d like to say to me?”

Me: “Couldn’t we have had this meeting literally any other day?”

Boss: “I don’t have magic powers to know when a good day for you is.”

(I guess he’d forgotten that that morning I had asked him for the next day off because I had to get my dog put to sleep due to terminal cancer.)