Mayo-No-No, Part 2

| NJ, USA | Employees, Food & Drink, Ignoring & Inattentive

(I am hungry, so I decide to stop at a rest stop on the turnpike for food. I order from a place that is known for its burgers.)

Me: “I’ll have a burger with cheese and only lettuce.” *meaning, none of the other stuff that comes on it*

(Several minutes pass, and I get my food. I unwrap the burger, only to discover…)

Me: “Excuse me, I asked for cheese and lettuce, and I got mayo and lettuce.”

Cashier #1: “Oh, sorry. Give it to me; I’ll throw it out.”

(Several minutes later, I’m given another burger. I go to my seat to unwrap it, only to find…)

Me: “I think the person who is making burgers is in love with mayo… This time I got cheese, mayo, and lettuce.”

Cashier #2: “Give me that.”

Cashier #1: “She wanted NO mayo!”

(Several minutes later:)

Cashier #2: “Unwrap this here so you don’t have to go back to your seat.”

(I unwrap it, to find that put mayo on the burger, then tried to wipe it off and failed.)

Cashier #2: “I’m just going to make it myself this time.”

Cashier #1: “He does this ALL the time…”

(The fourth time, the burger actually had cheese and lettuce and no mayo! Those poor cashiers deserve a raise.)



White Lies Matter

| Baton Rouge, LA, USA | Bigotry, Coworkers

Coworker: “So, I tried to tell a little white lie.”

Me: “Why does it have to be a WHITE lie?”

Coworker: “Because when y’all tell them, they believe you.”

Me: “Touché.”


Fulfilling Your Marching Orders

| USA | Coworkers

(My coworker and I are setting up cones in a parking lot.)

Me: “How far does this one need to be?”

Coworker: “60 feet.”

Me: “Got it!” *carefully lines up, and then marches exactly 60 feet before setting the cone down*

Coworker: “We need to measure that! It has to be exactly 60 feet.”

Me: “It is. But I’ll help you measure if you want.”

Coworker: *takes out his tape measure and, with me holding the starting end, checks the distance*

Me: “How much was I off?”

Coworker: *mutters something, then laughs* “Less than an inch.”

Me: “Never again are you allowed to mock marching band. It’s been more than a decade since I graduated, and I can still march a perfect 8 to 5.”


Minimum Wage, Maximum Effort

| ON, Canada | Job Seekers

(I am currently job hunting and am walking down various city streets, dropping off resumés to every business that looks like they might hire me. I walk into a corporate pizza restaurant.)

Me: “Hi there, I was wondering if you might be hiring at the moment.”

Manager: “YES! We are… um, do you have a car and a driver’s license?”

Me: “I do.”

Manager: “Great! We need a driver ASAP. Your orientation is on Tuesday!”

Me: “Um… well, what is the pay?”

Manager: “It’s $7.00.”

(That is absurdly below minimum wage in Canada.)

Me: “Okay… anything I’ll need?”

Manager: “You’ll need a phone, and you should probably get a GPS.”

Me: “Will you be compensating me for any of that?”

Manager: “No.”

Me: “And what about gas?”

Manager: “You pay for the gas. We don’t compensate that either.”

Me: “So you want me to buy a phone, a GPS, and pay for my own gas?”

Manager: “Yup, see you Tuesday!”

(I did the math, and combined with the price hike my insurance would undergo, I would be LOSING money on that job. Needless to say, I didn’t show up on Tuesday.)


Hired And Fired

| USA | Job Seekers

(I am interviewing a young college student for an entry level job. She’s wearing sweatpants and flip flops with a baggy shirt, and her hair’s a mess. Per the rules, we must reject any applicant who comes wearing inappropriate interview attire, even for entry level, so I do. My boss comes over to talk to me a short while later.)

Boss: “About her, did she really look that bad?”

Me: “Well, she looked like she had just rolled out of bed in old wrinkled clothes, and hadn’t bothered to brush her hair or groom at all.”

Boss: “Really? Because her resume is very good. I can’t believe someone with such a great resume would do that.”

Me: “Well, you told me that appearance is important when judging applicants.”

Boss: *snappish* “Yes, I know what I told you, but you should’ve hired her anyway! Did you even look at her resume?”

(Long story short, he overrode me, hired her anyway, and fired me… for following HIS rule! Idiocy must be a prerequisite for bosses.)