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Here We Pokémon Go Again, Part 8

| TX, USA | Employees, Pokemon

(My friends and I decide to meet up at a well-known pancake house after band practice. ‘Pokémon Go’ has just come out.)

Me: *as I join my friends at the table* “Hey, guys! I just caught a Vulpix outside, right in the parking lot!”

(Three of the servers whipped their phones out and hurried outside.)

Related:
Here We Pokémon Go Again, Part 7
Here We Pokémon Go Again, Part 6
Here We Pokémon Go Again, Part 5

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Doesn’t Know Wheat You Mean, Part 3

| Salt Lake City, Utah, USA | Employees, Food & Drink, Health & Body, Ignoring & Inattentive, Lazy/Unhelpful

(My friend has a very severe case of Celiac disease and cannot eat any gluten without getting incredibly ill. She’s very cautious about what she eats and always makes sure to request gluten free when ordering food, either for delivery or in a restaurant. It’s Saturday night and we’re having game night at her house. My husband and her husband decide they really want pizza, so we call one of the few local pizza places that guarantee a gluten-free crust with no cross-contamination. When the pizzas arrive, we all start to dig in, until friend realizes something is very wrong.)

Friend: “Ugh! This isn’t gluten free! This is thin crust!”

Me: “Are you sure? Maybe the gluten free is a thin crust.”

Friend’s Husband: “Here, let me taste it.” *he takes a bite* “Nope, definitely not gluten free, and there’s flour all over the bottom of it.”

Friend: “Grrr! Give me the phone, this is bull****!” *dials the restaurant* “Yes, I just had a pizza delivery to my house, and I specifically ordered a small gluten free with bacon and mushrooms, and I can guarantee this is not gluten free.”

(Pause.)

Friend: “Yes, I would love to speak to your manager.”

(Pause.)

Friend: “Hi, yes, I just ordered from your store and specifically ordered a small gluten free pizza with bacon and mushrooms, and not only is this not your gluten free crust, but it’s covered in flour.”

(Pause.)

Friend: “No, I can’t just ‘eat the pizza;’ I have Celiac disease. Do you know what that is?”

(Pause.)

Friend: “No, it’s not a fad diet. It means if I eat gluten I end up throwing up and having diarrhea for days.”

(Pause.)

Friend: “What I want you to do about it is remake the pizza correctly and have it delivered.”

(Pause.)

Friend:

“Yeah, I’m sure you are busy, given that it’s Saturday night, but if you guys had done it correctly the first time this wouldn’t be an issue.”

(Pause.)

Friend: “NO, I AM NOT GIVING YOU MY CREDIT CARD NUMBER! YOU MESSED UP MY ORDER! I AM NOT PAYING FOR A SECOND PIZZA WHEN YOU’RE THE ONES THAT SCREWED UP!”

(Pause.)

Friend:“YES, IT HAS TO BE DELIVERED TONIGHT. I WOULD LIKE TO ACTUALLY EAT TONIGHT!”

(Pause.)

Friend:“Okay, let me explain what I would like from you. I do not want a voucher. I do not want a refund. I just want to be able to eat tonight. I don’t care if it’s going to take 45 minutes to get another pizza to me. Please just remake the pizza, how I ordered it, and have it delivered as soon as possible.”

(Pause.)

Friend:“Okay, great.

Me: “Wow, so, how’d it go?”

Friend: *gives me the dirtiest look I’ve ever seen*

(When her replacement pizza arrived the delivery guy knocked and then left it on the porch before we could grab the door. It was gluten free – but bacon and peppers instead of bacon and mushrooms. She ate it anyway and hasn’t ordered from there since.)

Related:
Doesn’t Know Wheat You Mean, Part 2
Doesn’t Know Wheat You Mean

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Some Consideration Would Be The Bomb

| Chicago, IL, USA | Health & Body, Ignoring & Inattentive

(I run a key shop as a leased business to a major department store. The shop is actually located in a storefront that was carved out of the side of the auto center. Customer access is only from outside as you would have to walk the length of the shop area from the auto center sales floor to the back door of the key shop. Needless to say we do not have a lot of interaction with the auto center employees, but on the other hand we have been there for 30 years. Three firemen in full gear walk into the shop.)

Me: “Hi, may I help you?”

Fireman: “What the heck are you doing in here?”

Me: “Well, I work here. Do you need some keys?”

Fireman: “No, why are you here now?!”

Me: “It is normal business hours. Someone has to be here.”

Fireman: “This building has been evacuated.”

Me: “Obviously not, since I am still here.”

Fireman: “A report of a bomb was made for this location. GET OUT NOW!”

(I leave and walk around to the front of the building where I see all the employees of the auto center across the street. I join them and talk to the manager.)

Me: “What is going on?”

Manager: “Bomb threat; we had to evacuate. Probably false and we can go back in soon.”

Me: “Well, what about me? Why did you not tell me?”

Manager: “We yelled the order to evacuate in the sales floor and at the door to the shop and everyone left.”

Me: “So you expected me to hear it at the far end of a 300 foot noisy auto shop and through a cinderblock wall and steel door and didn’t check?”

Manager: “What are you saying?”

Me: “I am saying that if a real bomb had gone off I would be dead now.”

Manager: “Well, maybe we will send someone down there next time.”

Me: “Yeah, me being alive would be appreciated.”

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Employing New Tactics

| Edmonton, AB, Canada | Employees, Language & Words

(I work as a courtesy clerk, and despite wearing the uniform, I am constantly asked if I worked there. I start getting creative.)

Customer: “Do you work here?”

Me: “Nope, but I’m employed here.”

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Almost The Droids You Are Looking For

| Vista, CA, USA | Bosses & Owners, Geeks Rule, Movies & TV

(In my office, we often abbreviate our names with our initials and then the number 3, i.e. DK3. My supervisor is writing something down, then whites out her initials, which are CS.)

Me: “Oh, you’re not [Supervisor] today?”

Supervisor: “Nope.”

Me: “Who are you, then?”

Supervisor: “CS3-PO.”

(We laugh.)

Me: “You know, if [Coworker whose initials are RD] cloned himself, he’d be R2-D2…”

(It’s nice to have fellow geeks in the office.)