Contracted To Death

| WA, USA | Bosses & Owners, Health & Body

(Due to being shorthanded, our assistant manager is helping us night stockers “face” the store.)

Assistant Manager: *cough*

Me: “Don’t die on us.”

Assistant Manager: “Well, if I did at least I’d get some time off of work for once.”

Me: “SOME time?”

Assistant Manager: “I’m sure [Company] would find a way to reanimate me.”


Revenge Is A Dish Best Delivered By The CEO

| MI, USA | Bosses & Owners

(I sit through a long and boring “vision” meeting where various executives explain that because our company has “an organizational budget shortfall,” we are facing cuts in staffing and benefits. At the same time, we are spending untold thousands of dollars on a rebranding initiative. I manage not to make any comments that would get me fired, but I am seething. Then I find a way to calm my nerves and get revenge. After the meeting ends, I approach the boss.)

Me: “[CEO], can I ask a favor?”

CEO: “Um, sure, what can I do for you?”

Me: “I normally send an overnight package to [Coworker] in the central office every week. But since there are a lot of people here today who will be back at the central office tomorrow, it seems like a poor use of our resources to have UPS deliver it. Could you give this to [Coworker] when you get there tomorrow?

CEO: “Um, okay.”

(I may have lost my health plan, but the CEO is my errand boy!)


Breast Not To Shop There Again

| Orange County, CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Employees, Health & Body

(When my young son has mostly weaned himself from nursing, I go to a well-known lingerie shop for a bra fitting and some bras in my new, post-baby size. This happens at checkout…)

Cashier: “Did you find everything you were looking for today?”

Me: “Yes, I’m thrilled to finally have bras that fit right again! I’ve been in nursing bras for almost two years, but now my baby is almost weaned, and this is a real treat.”

Cashier: *huffs and looks down her nose at me* “Well. I bet you’re never going to make THAT mistake again.”

(I was stunned and we finished the transaction in silence. And of course, it’s not until I’ve exited the store that I think of a good comeback. I’m still dying to find out whether she thinks that babies are mistakes, or that breastfeeding is.)


Her Stress Is Ballooning

| New London, NH, USA | At The Checkout, Employees

(My boyfriend and I walk through the checkout line with a package of balloons.)

Cashier: *very friendly* “Will that be all today?”

Me: “Actually, could we get a couple of these inflated?”

Cashier: *suddenly distraught* “You want me to inflate all of them?!”

Me: “Uh, no, just five or so…”

Cashier: *sighing and visibly annoyed* “Okay, fine. But this is going to take a while.”

(She proceeds to inflate five balloons and tie strings onto them, sighing throughout the whole thing. Note that it is about three pm on a weekday. There are only a few other customers in the store, and several other registers open. At one point another customer gets in line behind us.)

Cashier: *very loudly and obviously annoyed, to the other customer* “I’m sorry but you’re going to have to go around. I have to inflate all of these balloons. It’s going to take a long time.”

(This happens one more time after this, and neither of the other customers seemed to be in any kind of hurry. She finishes the balloons and hands them to us. The whole process took about three minutes.)

Cashier: “Will THAT be all today?”

Me: “Uh… yup. That’s all.”

(She rang us up, I paid, and we left. Neither my boyfriend nor I could understand why inflating five balloons was so stressful!)


New Hire: Baptism Of Fire

| USA | New Hires

(It is very early in the morning, and a young new hire is cooking the breakfast for the guests. A smoke smell comes out.)

New Hire: *panicking* “FIRE!” *runs out the door*

(I’m dumbfounded, but I get ready to pull the fire alarm, as we’re trained to, and then her trainer go into the kitchen, grabs an extinguisher, and sprays. The fire is put out.)

Trainer: “It’s okay. It was small.”

Me: “Where did [New Hire] go? Did she really just leave?”

Trainer: “I’ll go get her…”

(Turned out, New Hire was deathly afraid of fire and jumped in her car in a panic and drove off! The manager told her that the job probably wasn’t a good match for her, and she got… fired. Heh.)