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Not Exactly Showered With Compliments

| San Antonio, TX, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Bosses & Owners

(It’s the end of the day and we’re cleaning the floors. The manager accidentally splashes me with the soapy water he’s squeegeeing.)

Me: “Hey, I already took my shower for this month! I don’t need another!”

Manager: *without missing a beat* “Yeah, but the difference is this one has soap!”

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Very Worrying Reception

| Berlin, Germany | Employees, Ignoring & Inattentive

(My husband was recently released from hospital after a lengthy stay and serious complications. He had to go back a few weeks later for further testing:l specifically, cognitive tests since he’s still pretty absent-minded and forgetful following a stroke. He knew when and where the appointment was, so I felt it was ok to let him go on his own while I went to work. In the middle of my workday, I get a call from the hospital.)

Nurse: “Hi, is this Mrs. [My Name]? It’s just, your husband didn’t show up for his appointment and we’re wondering where he is.”

Me: *nervous* “But he texted me earlier saying he’s on his way… Oh, dear. I’ll ask around.”

(I am close to panic pretty quickly, because my husband won’t answer his phone and no one else has seen him. Finally, having no way of finding him short of calling the police, I call the nurse back.)

Me: “Look, sorry about the missed appointment, but now I’m really worried. I can’t reach him and you know what he’s like right now. Maybe he’s on the premises somewhere.”

Nurse: “Huh. Well, dear, I guess I’ll check. Maybe he did show up after all.”

(She puts the phone down, and returns a while later.)

Nurse: “Haha, my bad! He’s here and was already in the doctor’s office. That’s why I didn’t see him.”

(Seriously?!)

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Plans For Democracy Have Been Shelved

| USA | Bizarre/Silly, Bosses & Owners

(I had the day off yesterday and didn’t have to go in. As I am one of only three clerks at my branch, every now and then shelving backs up. Today I’m at a staff conference and see my supervisor.)

Me: “So is there a lot to shelve for when I come in tomorrow?”

Supervisor: *sighs heavily* “Yeah, we could’ve used you and the other shelver yesterday. [Boss] had to go; it was just [Coworker #1] on the children’s desk and [Other Coworkers] at reference by lunchtime.”

Me: “Yikes, sounds pretty shorthanded. Was it chaotic?”

Supervisor: “I declared martial law and bought candy bars. I think the new regime is settling in nicely.”

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Breaking With Procedure

| Fort Pierce, FL, USA | Lazy/Unhelpful, New Hires

(I am the service desk associate. We have just had a huge rush at the checkouts and are down a register because we can’t locate one of the newer cashiers. After a manager goes looking for her, she comes back and says nothing. When we don’t have any customers, I pull her aside.)

Me: “[New Girl], what happened? No one could find you!”

New Girl: “I was on break.”

Me: “How? [Previous Service Associate] said she didn’t know where you were! Who told you to go on break?”

New Girl: “No one. I was hungry so I told her I was going. She may not have heard me; she had a line at the desk.”

Me: “What?! You can’t do that!”

New Girl: “Why?” *she is starting to give me attitude after being completely polite before*

Me: “[Other Cashier] was supposed to go next! And WE tell you when to go on break. You can’t just decide! We have to send you in a certain order based on who came in first and who’s leaving! And you certainly can’t go when we get a rush!”

New Girl: *rolling her eyes* “I didn’t know it was such a big deal.”

Me: “It IS a big deal! If we don’t know where you are, we can’t keep up with the lines!”

(She told me she understood, but continued to be snotty with me all day. None of the seasoned people think she’s going to last long.)

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Politically Incorrect

| Yorkshire, England, UK | Bigotry, Coworkers, Politics

(My dad used to volunteer for a political party that’s usually associated with middle-class and white-collar voters. Dad came from a working-class family but has a fairly ‘posh’ accent, so people in the party tended to think he was middle-class, too. He is just returning from doing door-to-door canvassing when he bumps into another volunteer.)

Volunteer: “How did it go?”

Dad: “I tried [Rough Council Estate] and [Affluent Area] today.”

Volunteer: *looking aghast* “You actually went to that estate?! Ugh, I’m surprised they didn’t try to mug you on the doorstop. I wouldn’t dare go there with all those teenage mothers and drug dealers and who-knows-what.”

Dad: “It honestly didn’t seem that bad.”

Volunteer: “No, no no. It’s not really safe on your own, and I doubt they’d even understand the campaign anyway. I don’t mean to be rude, but they aren’t especially intelligent.”

Dad: “Nobody wanted to support the campaign, but they were all quite polite about it.”

Volunteer: “Well, I find that rather hard to believe. People on those estates use such vulgar language, and they teach it to their children, too. It’s no wonder they grow up illiterate and going to state schools. Stop wasting your time there. I’m sure you had more luck in [Affluent Area]?”

Dad: *pleasantly* “Actually, the first house I visited was on your street. Mr [Volunteer], in the lovely five bedroom house? I distinctly remember him telling me to ‘get the f*** off my f****** property before I call the f****** police, you f****** t***.’ He tried to throw a shoe at me. It really took the wind out of my sails, so I thought I’d end things there for the day.”

Volunteer: *embarrassed* “Oh. Well. I suppose… these things… sometimes… happen. Perhaps it was a bad day? Um, I’m sure you’ll have better luck next time!” *rushes off*