You Want All Of Them As Sure As Eggs Are Eggs

| Boston, MA, USA | Employees, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I’m at the grocery store checking out some eggs. I pick up a half dozen, and as it seems light, open it; there’s only four eggs in there! I bring the carton up to the employee stocking the meats a few feet away.)

Me: “Excuse me; this carton only has four eggs in it.”

Employee: “Oh. Right. Okay…”

(He takes the carton from me and inspects the eggs. I’m about to say “thank you” and go back to looking when…)

Employee: “How many do you want?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Employee: “How many eggs? Do you want the full half dozen?”

Me: “Yes… Yes, I do.”

(I have no idea why he thought I would want a not-full carton of eggs!)


Asked The Thong Question

| Ireland | Bosses & Owners, Coworkers, Rude & Risque

(This takes place before my morning shift starts. There’s just me, my boss and two girls in.)

Girl #1: “[My Name], did you ever try Toms?”

Me: “No, why? Are they comfy?”

Girl #1: “So comfy! You should get a pair!”

(My boss who was in our canteen, sticks her head out with a confused look on her face.)

Boss: “Hang on a second! [Girl #1], did you just ask [My Name] if he wears thongs?”

(Both of us burst out laughing.)

Girl #1: “No. I asked if he wears Toms, the shoes.”

Boss: “Ohhhh. I was thinking to myself that [Girl #1] and [My Name] know each other waaay too well!”

(With this, Girl #2 came out of the canteen laughing. We all had a good laugh about it. And this isn’t the first time my boss has said something like that.)


Please Say She’s Squidding

| Clearwater Beach, FL, USA | Awesome Workers

(My mom and I go to a henna stand so that I can get an anti-possession tattoo done. The henna comes out a dark blue because it is jagua henna. The lady keeps getting it on her fingers.)

Mom: “What do you say when people ask you about the blue all over your fingers?”

Tattoo Artist: *looks down at her fingers* “I strangle squids.”

(She then kept working like nothing happened!)


Tempers Boiling

| Belgium | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink

(I’m a waitress at a small tavern. I’m carrying a kettle to a table when I trip over a purse left in the middle of the tavern and spill boiling water over a customer’s leg. I brace myself for a very angry customer, thinking I’m going to get fired.)

Customer: *pouring a bottle of water over his leg* “Are you okay? Did you hurt yourself?”

(My manager comes out apologising, demanding I apologise as well, raising his voice at me and being quite angry in general.)

Customer: “Why the h*** are you yelling at her? She tripped; it’s not her fault.”

(The customer then refused the free meal my manager offered, called an ambulance, but refused to leave until my manager assured him I would not be punished in any way.)

Manager: *to me* “Uh… sorry, but d***, I thought he’d sue the h*** out of us.”

Me: *still confused* “Some customers are very nice I guess.”

(The customer came in the next day, his leg wrapped in bandages, and asked if I had hurt myself, ate with us again, and left a generous tip!)


It’s All Greek To Me(an)

| Greece | Bad Behavior, Employees, Language & Words, Tourists & Travel

(I am on a conducted tour to Greece with some older men and women. When we stop at a restaurant, being rather old-fashioned Swedes, the older people on the tour want to be served meatballs and mashed potatoes. The restaurant complies. A young waiter serves them their food and speaks to them with a huge smile on his face.)

Waiter: *in Greek* “So, meatballs and mash just like in Sweden, huh? Should I chew the food for you as well, you babies? F***** simpletons, the lot of you.”

(He continues to make rude and derogatory comments to them the whole time, but since he is smiling, has a polite tone and the old people don’t speak Greek, they just think he is a charming young man. Unbeknownst to him, however, I happen to know Greek, so when the waiter comes to me…)


(The color drained from the waiter’s face and the owner, who stood nearby, almost died of laughter.)