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Trying In Vain-illa

| USA | Employees, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Lazy/Unhelpful

(I’m in the mood for vanilla ice cream, so I stop by a shop.)

Me: “One small cup of vanilla, please.”

Worker: “Sure, will that be vanilla bean, French vanilla, or Madagascar vanilla?”

Me: “Um… Bean?”

Worker: “Sure.”

(He goes to a flavor labeled white chocolate and starts filling it up.)

Me: “Um, I wanted vanilla not white chocolate.”

Worker: “Oh, they’re the same thing.”

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No Cause For Pregnant Pause

| TN, USA | Employees, Health & Body, Popular, Religion

(I have been having issues with nausea related to acid reflux for a few weeks, and over the last couple of days have been vomiting enough that I end up very dehydrated, feeling very weak, and with a pounding headache. Since I’m still too nauseated to drink enough to re-hydrate I end up deciding to go to the ER, hoping I can get some IV fluids before I get dangerously dehydrated. This conversation happens after I explain all this to the doctor.)

Doctor: “I see… is there any chance you could be pregnant?”

Me: “No. Not at all.”

Doctor: “Are you sure? I mean, young woman, has had nausea for several weeks…”

Me: “No, see, unless I majorly misunderstood something in Sex Ed, then I’m really very extra sure that there is no way I could possibly be pregnant. There are some prerequisite activities to being pregnant that I have not engaged in, so…”

Doctor: *catching on and smiling* “Well, you never know. I mean, there has been at least one documented case; they even wrote a whole book about it. And this IS a Catholic hospital!”

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Has Ammo To Back It Up

| Denver, CO, USA | Bosses & Owners, Crazy Requests, Family & Kids, Popular

(I wear a bullet on a necklace, completely fake, and have never had a problem with it at a job. One day, the district manager is in the store and she sees the necklace.)

District Manager: “I’m uncomfortable with you wearing that. People might think you’re supporting people that shoot up malls!”

Me: *staring her straight in the eye* “I wear this because my father was in the army and he died when I was seven.”

(Nothing else was said about it.)

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Cannot Face Their Silly Faces

| Gothenburg, Sweden | Bizarre/Silly, Bosses & Owners, Coworkers

(A coworker and I have a very juvenile sense of humor. Every so often we poke fun of each other or make silly faces. This is one of those occasions.)

Me: *after catching coworker’s attention across the floor, sticks out tongue*

Coworker: *sticks out tongue*

Me: *flips her off*

Coworker: *makes a ‘bring it’ gesture*

Me: *gesture for her to ‘bring it’*

(Our boss walks in just as we’re being silly.)

Boss: *looks at us before turning around walking away* “Nope. Not going to ask.”