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In Bad Company

| St. Louis, MO, USA | Crazy Requests, Employees, Pets & Animals, Popular

(My father had his own business for years, but we closed it about a year prior to his death. After his death, we still had vendors calling trying to sell him supplies.)

Vendor: “Hello! I’m with [Company] and I wanted to see if you were ready to re-order you next shipment of supplies!”

Me: “I’m sorry, we closed the business.”

Vendor: “Oh, well, can I speak with Mr. [Dad]?”

Me: “Sorry, he passed away.”

Vendor: “I promise it won’t take long. I just wanted to tell him about our latest product.”

Me: “Huh? He’s still dead.”

Vendor: “Oh, sorry to hear that. Well, can I talk to the owner of [Dad’s company]?”

Me: “Still dead.”

Vendor: “Well, then whoever is in charge now?”

Me: “Okay, let me re-cap. The company closed and the owner is dead. The only official employee left is his dog. Want to talk to her?”

Vendor: “Well, you don’t have to be rude!” *click*

Me: *to dog* “Seriously? How did Dad deal with that idiot?”

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This Call Is Going Down(load)

| NC, USA | Geography, Ignoring & Inattentive, Lazy/Unhelpful, Technology

(My dad is on the phone with a tech company’s customer service, trying to figure out why a critical detail of an order he placed has now changed.)

Dad: “I ordered your software disc, but now your website is saying I have to download it. The software isn’t for me. I need the disc, the physical copy.”

(Pause.)

Dad: “What do you mean, you don’t have it on disc?! I specifically selected, and paid shipping on, an actual physical copy because the person it’s for cannot download it!”

(Pause.)

Dad: “You haven’t traveled much, I can tell. Most of the world doesn’t have the kind of Internet access you’re obviously used to. Is there a manager or supervisor I could speak to? Because you can’t help me.”

(Pause.)

Dad: “Okay, so tell me: where is your store in Antananarivo, Madagascar? There isn’t one, is there? Well, that’s where I do business, and that’s where MY DISC is going once you MAIL IT TO ME.”

(Pause.)

Dad: “Charlotte! That’s an hour and a half from where I live! You want me to waste fifty bucks on gas, just to get something YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO MAIL TO ME?! That I’ve already paid for! Just transfer me to your supervisor already!

(Pause.)

Dad: “Hello? Hey, hello? They hung up on me!”

(He called the Charlotte store next, explained his problem, and was quickly informed that he could download the software he’d paid for and transfer it via flash drive, much less likely to be damaged in transit than a disc.)

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A Cursory Complaint

| St. Louis, MO, USA | Coworkers, Language & Words, Popular, Technology

(When I am first starting out in IT, I work for a company that puts computers into grocery stores to do money transfers. These are the early machines, with no mouse and you had to tab between fields. The employees are also getting their first exposure to computers, and some of the terminology isn’t known yet. Example: blinky thing = cursor. This poor woman has a very angry person at her window trying to get money, and the system isn’t working.)

User: *talking over the yelling in the background* “Hi, my computer won’t let me pay out the money.”

Me: “Okay, is there an error message?”

User: *still talking over the yelling in the background* “No, it just won’t go through!”

Me: “All right. Where is the cursor?”

User: *nearly crying* “He’s on the other side of the window, and he won’t stop yelling!”

(It took me a second to realize exactly what she had just said.)

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Refunds Of The Corn

| Tulsa, OK, USA | Bosses & Owners, Food & Drink, Ignoring & Inattentive, Popular

(We had had a slow but polite problem with a drive-thru fish place a few weeks before. They handled it all so well we were more than willing to return the next time we were in the mood for fish. We make our order which includes shrimp, but no corn as we are told they are out. We ask for beans instead. We drive to the window, pay and wait. And wait. And wait!)

Friend: *after 11 minutes* “Y’know, they’ve been a long time.”

(The manager comes to the window. It’s the same woman who had been so polite the time before.)

Manager: “We are out of shrimp. Would you like something else or will popcorn shrimp do?”

Me: “Popcorn shrimp is fine.”

(More waiting. And waiting. After five more minutes, the manager comes back to the window.)

Manager: “I was just told that we are out of corn.”

Me: “We didn’t order corn.”

Manager: “Who took your order?”

Me: “I’ll just take a refund.”

Manager: “Who took your order?”

Me: “You took my order!”

Manager: “Well, we’re right at shift change and swamped.”

Me: “I’ll take that refund now.”

Manager: “We’re out of corn.

Me: “We were told that when we ordered. We did not order corn.”

Manager: “Who took your order?”

Me: “For the love of Mike! Just give me back my money!”