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Unkle Scam Want’s Yoo!

| FL, USA | Job Seekers

(I am just out of the military and looking for work. At a work seminar, I speak with a recruiter for a temp agency. She has me fill out an online application, and sets up an appointment for me. She’s very enthusiastic and helpful as well. Several days later, I go in for the appointment. The office has a small waiting room, with several girls behind the counter who take people back for the initial paperwork.)

Worker: “[My Name].”

(We got back and she clicks on her computer for a bit. Suddenly, she turns to me, her demeanor no longer bright and cheerful.)

Worker: “So, just so you know, we’re not based here in [Town]. Our main office is located out in California. When you apply online, they are the ones who review your application. Okay?”

Me: *confused* “Er, okay.”

Worker: “So, it looks here like they’ve marked you as ‘Unqualified.’ That means they don’t want you interviewed because you’re not qualified.”

(I have over seven years’ worth of knowledge in computer systems and data analyzation, thanks to the military, as well as a B.S. in computer engineering. On top of that, the temp agency specifically lists professions such as medicine and law for those they want to place.)

Me: “So… what makes me unqualified?”

Worker: “Oh, I don’t know. Only the main office will know, and they don’t tell me.”

Me: *getting suspicious* “Uh-huh. Look, I spoke with [Recruiter] at the seminar. She set this all up for me. I want to speak with her.”

Worker: *gets a weird look on her face* “Um… I think she’s in a meeting. Let me go check.”

(She takes me back out to the waiting room, and then disappears into the back. Five minutes later, she returns.)

Worker: “Yeah, sorry, she’s on a phone conference right now, and can’t come speak to you. She says she’ll be available in an hour. Do you want to wait?”

Me: “No. I have her number.”

(The recruiter had given me her card, so after I got home, I e-mail her, and leave a voice message. She calls back, saying she has a “new strategy for selling your resume” and will get back to me. I never hear from them again. Two months later, while working at my new and wonderful job, I get a text.)

Text: *quoted verbatim* Hi! Ths is [Agency]! We’d like to set up Apppointment for you to interview. If youve already got a job we understand :) but we’d like t o speak with you if possible send us yur resume and identification pleaz!”

(I also got an e-mail which stated that for my interview, I needed to bring in my SSN card, bank information, and a personal check. I can only guess the reason I was “Unqualified” is because they knew I would spot the scam!)

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Pocketed Protection

| USA | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Rude & Risque

(The phone rings and my coworker answers it.)

Coworker: “Hello? Oh, I’m sorry.”

(After a while, he hangs up and tells me he’ll be back. He leaves and then comes back with a box of condoms.)

Me: “What’re those? Omigosh…”

Coworker: “Yeah. Guest found these in his drawers, just now.”

Me: “Are you sure they aren’t his?”

Coworker: “Yeah, he says that they’re not…”

Me: “Okay, then.”

(I see my coworker take out a piece of paper and I figure that he’s going to write a note for the managers, but when I turn around, the box of condoms is gone!)

Me: “Hey, where’s the…?”

Coworker: “Put them in the manager’s office.” *pockets bulging*

Me: “Riiiight…”

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The Key To A False Arrest

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Ignoring & Inattentive, Movies & TV

(My keys fall out of my pocket at the movie theater today. I realize this when I get to my car. I walk back to the theater and enter intending to go to my seat and retrieve the keys when the manager confronts me.)

Manager: “Sir! Sir, did you buy a ticket?”

Me: “No, I dropped my keys in the theater. I was going to go retrieve them.”

Manager: “Well, I can’t let you in there.”

Me: “I dropped my keys in there; I’d like to retrieve them.”

Manager: “I don’t know that; you could just be trying to sneak in to a movie.”

Me: “Then you can come in with me and see that I get my keys.”

Manager: “No, sir, you are not going inside the theater.”

Me: “Yes, I am. Excuse me.”

Manager: “I’m calling the police.”

Me: “That’s fine; I’ll only be a moment.”

(I go in, go to my seat, find the keys tucked into the cushion and came back out. Sure enough, the manager is on the phone with the police. I walk over and take the receiver from her.)

Me: “Hello? Yes, I’m the gentleman she’s calling about. I just wanted to let you know that I’ve gotten my car keys out of the movie theater and am leaving the premises. Thank you for your assistance.”