A Texasperstingly Long Way

| Harlingen, TX, USA | Employees, Geography

(It is the early 80s, the days of 55 mph speed limits and 15 mpg cars. I live in Harlingen, TX, which is in the far south of Texas near the border with Mexico. I am on the phone to a company executive from New Jersey.)

Exec: “Some of us are flying to Dallas for a conference next week, and we thought we’d rent a car and pop down to your office to visit on our free day.”

Me: “Well, you’ll need at least two days, preferably three.”

Exec: “Why? It’s a pretty small office, isn’t it?”

Me: “Yes, but Dallas is well over 500 miles away. You’re looking at ten hours of driving each way, not counting stops for food or gas.”

Exec: “But… it’s in the same state.”


Not… Done… Not Listening!

, | Jackson, CA, USA | Employees, Ignoring & Inattentive

(I decide to go through the drive-thru of one of the local fast food restaurants. I used to work at this location, so I place my order as easily as possible, so the employee doesn’t have to ask 100 questions.)

Me: “Hi, I’d like a medium #4, with three egg rolls instead of the fries, and a Dr. Pepper with light ice, please.”

Employee: “Okay, that’s a #4 with onion rings and a small Diet Coke?”

(As she says this, the items start appearing on the order screen.)

Me: “Um, no. I’d like it with three egg rolls and a medium Dr. Pepper.”

(I see the onion rings disappear from the ordering screen, but the Diet Coke stays up there.)

Employee: “Okay, if your order looks correct, it’ll be—”

Me: “My order isn’t correct. I’d like a medium Dr. Pepper with light ice, not a small Diet Coke.”

(She finally rings up the correct drink.)

Employee: “Does your order look correct now?”

Me: “Yes, but I’m not done ordering. Can I get—”

Employee: “Your total will be—”

Me: *losing patience* “I’M. NOT. DONE. ORDERING. YET.”

(Silence from her while I gather my composure.)

Me: “Can I get two tacos with no taco sauce, please?”

Employee: *sigh* “Will that complete your order?”

Me: “Yes.”

Employee: “Your total will be [total] at the window.”

(The funniest part was that the person working the drive-thru was the manager! I was polite my entire time at the window, but she all but threw my change and food at me before mumbling a thank you and slamming the window shut. My fiancée, who was in the car with me, couldn’t stop laughing the entire time.)


Filing Is Not Her Calling

| Montreal, QC, Canada | Bizarre/Silly, Employees

(I need to conclude a contract with my credit card company. They call me.)

Caller: “Hi, this is [Name] from [Credit Card Company]. Do you have a few minutes so we can conclude your contract? It should take about five minutes.”

Me: “Yes.”

Caller: “Okay, let me just put you on hold so I can get your file.”

Me: “Okay…”

(15 minutes later…)

Caller: “Okay, I’ve got your file. Let’s go through the contract…”

(I still wonder why she didn’t pull my file BEFORE calling me!)


Should Have Clocked Much Earlier

| London, England, UK | Coworkers, Transportation

Boss: “[Coworker], I need you to deliver this document to [Other Company]. They’re just across the road from Clock House railway station.”

(That’s about a 20-minute journey, so factoring in waiting times Coworker should be back in an hour or so. In fact he shows up three hours later.)

Boss: “Coworker, what took you so long?”

Coworker: “Sorry, [Boss], I got a bit lost.”

Boss: “Lost? But [Other Company]’s office is directly opposite the train station.”

Coworker: “Yeah, but it turns out I got off at the wrong station.”

Boss: “You forgot what station you wanted?”

Coworker: “Well, I remembered that the name had “Clock” in it, and the train pulled in at a station with a big clock…”


Skilled In Typing And Stereotyping

| Factoria, WA, USA | Bosses & Owners

(I’m the assistant for the technical director of an international phone company. On this particular day she comes in with a bemused expression and a huge vase of flowers in her hands.)

Me: “Oh, that’s pretty; who are those from?”

Director: “One of the Vice Presidents, for Secretary Appreciation Day, apparently.”

Me: “What?!”

Director: “Yeah, darndest thing. I was on my way to a meeting on the executive floor and he came by with this cart of flowers. He saw me and handed me this, saying he wanted to make sure all secretaries from every floor got included.”

Me: “Wait… he thought you were a secretary?”

Director: “So it appears. Guess since he only comes by our branch every once in a while, and I’m female, didn’t do anything with my hair and wear glasses, I ticked enough of the stereotype boxes for him.”

Me: “So… did you correct him?”

Director: “Nah, I think I’ll wait till our weekly meeting when he’s due to sit with the other directors. Let everyone see the look on his face when the truth comes out.”

(Later that week she came in to find a new $500 dollar designer purse on her desk, with a huge card of apology sticking out of it.)