Having A Delayed Case Of The Mondays

| Winnipeg, MT, Canada | Food & Drink, Ignoring/Inattentive, New Hires

(My coworker and I are always on the lookout for a new place to get coffee. As we were walking down Main Street, we spotted a new shop that had a large sign saying “WEDNESDAY SPECIAL: BUY ONE LATTE, GET ONE FREE”. Since it was a Wednesday, we thought that would be a good excuse to try the new place.)

Me: “We’d like two lattes, please.”

Clerk: “That will be [full price].”

Me: “Aren’t you having a buy one, get one free special?”

Clerk: “What? No.”

Me: “But your sign outside says you are.”

Clerk: “What sign?” *goes to take a look* “Oh, that sign. Well, it doesn’t matter, anyway. That’s only for Wednesdays.”

Me: “Today IS Wednesday.”

Clerk: “It is?”

(We never went back, and we weren’t surprised to see that they were closed a month later.)

Not Much Assurance About The Insurance

| CA, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests

(I work as a cashier at a well-known electronics chain. I am expected to offer a protection plan for products to a certain number of people a day, or else I will be questioned and possibly written up. One customer shows up at my till with a pair of earbuds for $5.99. The screen prompts me to tell him about a potential protection plan.)

Me: *bursts out laughing* “What? I’m sorry. May I ask you something?”

Customer: “Okay…?”

Me: *trying to keep a straight face* “Would you like buy a protection plan for your earbuds in case of accidental damage for $9.99?”

(The customer stares at me.)

Customer: “You’re kidding, right?”

Me: “Nope!”

Customer: “You know that’s more than the earbuds themselves, right?”

Me: “Yep!”

Customer: “Why would I buy a protection plan for $9.99 when I could easily just replace the earbuds for another $5.99?”

Me: “Good question!”

Customer: “But you still asked me…?”

Me: “I know. It was just too funny not to offer it. Obviously, I knew you’d say no.”

Customer: “And you were absolutely right. I can’t believe you’re expected to try to sell something like that!”

Me: “Trust me, sir, neither can I….”

Hasn’t Had His Morning Cup Of Joe

| Long Island, NY, USA | Employees, Language & Words

(I am on the phone:)

Person: “Hi, can I talk to Human Resources?”

Me: “Um, we don’t have a Human Resources department in our store.”

Person: “I’d like to speak with Human Resources.”

Me: “We don’t have Human Resources at this store.”

Person: “Oh, well, someone, I think he said his name is Joe, called me and asked if I could come in for a job interview, but it went to my voicemail so I’m calling back.”

Me: “Oh! Okay! Let me get the manager for you. And by the way, the manager’s name is Phil.”

Person: “Did you say his name is Joseph?”

Me: “No, his name is Phil.”

Person: “I hate this phone. His name is Joe?”

Me: “Phil.”

Person: “Joe?”

Me: “Phil!”

Person: “Is it Bill?”

Me: *giving up* “Yes.”

Pray The Pineapple Fell Very Far From The Tree

| Portsmouth, England, UK | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I’m working behind the bar on a quiet afternoon with a member of staff who has been there a good few months by this point. I’m testing her on cocktail recipes to help her remember them whilst we have time, and she’s asking about various ingredients.)

Coworker: “I don’t think I’d like that cocktail. It has pineapple juice in it and I don’t like apples.”

Me: “…What?            ”

Coworker: “Pineapple’s a type of apple, and I don’t like apples!”

Her Own Brand Of Crazy

| Stockholm, Sweden | Employees, Pets & Animals

(My fiancé and I are out to buy a certain brand of cat-food, which has been recommended by both our veterinarian and the breeder, for our five-month-old kitten. We’re entering a small pet store and search around for a bit, but fail to find the section with cat food. The shop owner then approaches us.)

Shop Owner: “Hello! Can I help you find anything?”

Me: “Oh, yes, please. We’re looking for the cat food.”

Shop Owner: “It’s right here.” *gestures behind the counter* “Is it for adults or kittens?”

Me: “It’s for kitten… but I notice you don’t have the brand we want, sorry.”

Shop Owner: “…Are you talking about [Brand]?”

Me: “Uh, yeah? Why?”

Shop Owner: *suddenly changing to a more angry tone* “That brand is terrible! Is bad for your kitten! Filled with chemicals and no nutrition!”

Fiancé: “Er… I think we’ll stick to it anyway… The vet thinks it’s good for him.”

(We’re about to leave at this point when the shop owner speaks up again.)

Shop Owner: “Hold on!” *grabs a bag of cat food for kittens and holds it out for us to take* “Here! Free sample! Your kitten will like this better.”

Me: “Thanks… but no thanks. We’re good.”

Shop Owner: “How can you say no to a free sample?! DON’T YOU CARE ABOUT YOUR CAT?! THIS IS BETTER FOR IT!”

(Yes, she did indeed begin to scream, so we quickly left the store. It didn’t strike us until later that the pet store and the brand of cat-food she tried to give us had the same name, so she was clearly just trying to promote her own brand.)