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Hat Tip To Your Solution

| Chapel Hill, NC, USA | At The Checkout

(I’m the customer in this story. I’m in the checkout line buying beer. It should be noted that I frequently wear hats and I started losing my hair in college.)

Cashier: “Can I see your ID?”

Me: *hands ID*

Cashier: “You don’t look 27.”

Me: *pulls off hat* “Now I do!”

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Needs To Make A Clean Break From The Job

| BC, Canada | Bosses & Owners, Crazy Requests

(I work as a caretaker for disabled individuals. My position involves only one specific client whom I directly support. He is known for being very unhygienic. He refuses my support and does not want me around. My client lives in a cluster program so when he refuses my support, I spend my time helping other clients.)

Team Leader: “[Client]’s suite is very dirty. I need you to mop and sweep his floors, the hallway, and clean his bathroom.”

Me: “I was hired as a support worker. I provide support for [Client]; I am not his housekeeper or maid. I will not be doing his chores unless he’s there for me to support him. If he refuses my support, there is nothing I can do.”

Team Leader: “It doesn’t matter whether he’s there or not. It’s not about you being a maid. You’re getting paid to do this so if you don’t want to clean up after him, I’ll just move you to another program.”

(I don’t want to move to another program as this one is conveniently close to my home and I’m tight on money so it saves me a lot of gas. I’m unhappy about this matter but I decide to listen to the team leader anyway to avoid further conflict. The next day, I immediately start to clean his suite at the start of my shift. I spend two solid hours wiping boogers, urine, and feces off of his walls and floors. I do his dishes, put away his clothes/personal belongings, clean, mop, and sweep his bathroom, bedroom, living area, kitchen, and hallway while my client sat on his couch and watched me clean. My blood is boiling at this point but I grit my teeth and suck it up. My client leaves to have a smoke and my coworker walks in.)

Coworker: “What are you doing? You’re not supposed to be cleaning the suite for him. That’s his job. You’re just here to help him.”

Me: “…”

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Can’t Have Your Cake And Eat It, Part 2

| MN, USA | Bosses & Owners, Coworkers, Health & Body

(My manager, who is also the waitress, is known for having a huge sweet tooth. On this particular day someone has brought in a big bag of candy which she’s ‘hidden’ under the counter. Several of us have been sneaking pieces randomly.)

Manager: “[Bus Boy]! Stop eating that candy! What did I tell you?”

Me: *jokingly* “Hey, you don’t have to hog them. There’s plenty!”

Manager: “He’s diabetic though! He’s not supposed to eat so much sweets.”

Me: “Oh, dude. I know how to handle low blood sugars, but not high. Stop eating so many sweets.”

Busboy: “Oh, I’d just need an insulin shot! I have an emergency pen with me.”

Me: “I don’t know if I’d feel safe stabbing you with it though; I don’t have any experience.”

Busboy: *looking sad* “Aw, yeah, I understand.”

Other Cook: “Hey, when I worked on the farm I sometimes gave shots to the cows. That’s almost the same.”

Busboy: *looking bright again* “Yeah! That’d work!”

Me: “Oh, okay then. Have at.”

Manager: “Noooo! Those are MY candies!”

Related:
Can’t Have Your Cake And Eat It

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How To Win The War Against Telemarketers, Part 12

| England, UK | Employees, Liars/Scammers

(I get a call from a very persistent telemarketer whilst at work.)

Me: “[Company], how may I help you?”

Telemarketer: “Hello, madam. My name is [Telemarketer]. Is this the business owner?”

Me: “No. She’s not in right now. May I take a message?”

Telemarketer: “When will she be in?”

Me: “I’m not sure.”

Telemarketer: “Okay, madam. Then can you give me her mobile number and I can call her?”

Me: “No. I do not have permission to hand out her mobile number to you.”

Telemarketer: “Well, if you give me her number I can call her and get permission.”

Me: “What? No. I told you I can’t give you her number!”

Telemarketer: “Madam, just give me her number. I can ask permission after I have called her.”

Me: “Ask me one more time and I’m hanging up!”

Telemarketer: “Madam, I just want her number.”

Me: “Aaaaand goodbye!”

Related:
How To Win The War Against Telemarketers, Part 11
How To Win The War Against Telemarketers, Part 10
How To Win The War Against Telemarketers, Part 9

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As Loud As A Baby

| IN, USA | Employees, Ignoring & Inattentive

(I have recently discovered that I am unexpectedly pregnant. My clothes are quickly starting to be too small, and I need a few extra pieces. We haven’t made a public announcement to family or coworkers, including our four-year-old daughter. I go to a big box store that has had a small maternity section where I previously shopped when I was pregnant with my daughter.)

Me: *looking around the women’s clothing department for the rack with maternity clothes and not finding anything* “Excuse me, ma’am?” *to a clerk walking through the department* “Where is the maternity section?”

Clerk #1: “Hmm… I don’t work in this department, but let’s see what we can find.”

(She is very nice and cheerful. We look around a little, and even go over to the baby department to see if the clothes are over there. I mention in a low voice that we haven’t announced my pregnancy yet, not even to our daughter. My husband and daughter follow us around. The clerk offers to check with someone from the women’s department. I agree.)

Clerk #1: *very quietly to Clerk #2* “Do you know where the maternity clothes have been put?”

Clerk #2: *on a stepladder stocking shelves* “No, I have no idea.” *in a very LOUD voice* “Hey, [Clerk #3] do we still have maternity clothes!?”

(Mortified, I turned and walked away from the loud clerk. My husband whisked our daughter even further away. Turned out major national retailer no longer carries maternity clothing. Clerk #1 followed me, apologizing for Clerk #2’s big mouth.)