He’s A Scuffy-Looking Nerf-Herder

, | NC, USA | Pets & Animals

(I work as a kennel assistant at an animal hospital. On this particular day, a stray kitten had been brought in for a health assessment. Vet #1 and one of the vet techs are examining the kitten while I stand by in case they need me to fetch anything else, since it’s been a slow day. Vet #2 enters the treatment room.)

Kitten: *squeaks indignantly*

Vet #1: “Oh, you’re just so cute!”

Vet #2: “Did you just call that thing ‘cute’?”

Vet #1: “He’s very cute!”

Vet Tech: “Eh, he’s a little scruffy-looking.”

Me: “He looks like somebody used him to scrub a toilet.”

Vet #2: “Exactly! That’s exactly what he looks like!”

Vet #1: *leans in and stage-whispers to kitten* “Don’t worry, I think you’re cute.”

(We gave the kitten some food, a flea pill, and a clean bill of health; the person who found the kitten came back later that day, having decided to keep him.)

Even The Dog Would Have Got It By Now

| LaMarque, TX, USA | Language & Words

(I am the customer and I have to set-up an appointment for my new dog to get spayed, micro-chipped, and caught up on current vaccinations. In order to set-up the appointment, the clerk needs my dog’s name and other information.)

Clerk #1: “What is your dog’s name?”

Me: “Patience.”

Clerk #1: “Payton?”

Me: “No, Patience.”

Clerk #1: “Patient?”

Me: “No, PATIENCE!”

Clerk #1: *still confused* “Can you give me a sentence with it?”

Me: “Okay, you know how when you talk to someone and you have PATIENCE with them?”

Clerk #2: *towards [Clerk #1]* “It’s what he is having with you right now.”

(Clerk #2, Clerk #3, I, and the other ten customers begin to laugh hysterically.)

Clerk #1: *embarrassed* “OH!, PATIENCE! Oh, my god, I’m so sorry.”

Me: “It’s all right.”

CB Phone Home

, | USA | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Musical Mayhem

(I work in the kennels at a vet. When the office is open, there’s a strict “no phones” policy, but on the weekends when there aren’t any clients it’s not uncommon for most of us to do our work with music streaming, or have apps quietly logging how many laps we do of the yard.  Earlier in the shift this particular coworker had been listening to a podcast I like.)

Coworker: *to me* “Have you seen my phone? I set it down somewhere and now I can’t find it.”

Me: “Just follow the dulcet tones of Cecil Baldwin.”