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A Raggedy Sale

| San Antonio, TX, USA | Coworkers, Money, Pranks

(I’m working at the pie table and have a bag of cleaning rags under the table. Every now and then someone comes and ‘steals’ towels out of my bag so I decide to have some fun with the next one.)

Me: “Just to let you know, those are a dollar apiece.”

Coworker: “Okay. Put it on my tab! I’ll pay you Friday.”

(Comes back a few minutes later.)

Coworker: “I need a few more. Is there a discount if I buy in bulk?”

Me: “Yes. They’re still one for $1 or five for $5.”

Coworker: *thinks for a moment* “That’s a terrible sale! I’m never shopping here again and going somewhere that has better deals.”

(By this point I’m laughing too hard to respond.)

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Not Exactly Showered With Compliments

| San Antonio, TX, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Bosses & Owners

(It’s the end of the day and we’re cleaning the floors. The manager accidentally splashes me with the soapy water he’s squeegeeing.)

Me: “Hey, I already took my shower for this month! I don’t need another!”

Manager: *without missing a beat* “Yeah, but the difference is this one has soap!”

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Sergeant Pepper’s Lonely Murder Club

| GA, USA | FL, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Pets & Animals

(I’m working in a supermarket bakery that’s attached to a deli. Even though we’re considered separate departments, the bakery often helps the deli with simple counter customer service like slicing meats and cheeses, or making sandwiches when needed. I’m currently serving one of my favourite regular customers, an older guy who’s a police officer and always comes by at the end of his shift for sandwiches to take home for himself and his wife to have for lunch. I’m mildly complaining about our monthly department inventory while I make his sandwiches.)

Me: “It wouldn’t be so bad if the equipment was more reliable. [Manager] has been here since four am and she’s going to be late getting out because the tag scanner they gave her malfunctioned, so she has to start all over.”

Officer: “Oh, I would hate that. You think that’s bad, try inventorying a police department. Every. Single. Bullet. It’s not so bad because with everyone doing it, it gets done quicker, but it’s very tedious.”

Me: “Ugh, that’s awful. Do you have to inventory evidence, too?”

Officer: “Well, not me, but yeah, that needs to be closely inventoried regularly.”

Me: *obviously joking* “Hmm, well, if anything really cool comes in, like a spare head or crowbar, can you hook me up?”

Officer: *nodding and grinning* “Obviously!”

(At this point, I notice one of our younger employees looking at me in shock, clearly not realizing we’re just joking around.)

Me: “What?! [Officer] and I have an understanding. I give him extra peppers on his sandwiches, he hooks me up with cool crime swag and doesn’t ask too many questions about why my back yard is so bumpy and my GPS shows me on so many long, deserted roads in the middle of the night.”

Officer: *nods, acting serious, and taps the side of his nose conspiratorially with a wink*

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One Angry Girl, One Cup

, | San Antonio, TX, USA | Coworkers, Lazy/Unhelpful

(A few coworkers and I are sitting in the small back room of the restaurant/bakery where we work. We’re all friends and can insult each other without the other getting mad or offended. One of the girls wants a refill on her drink. She is known for being in a bad mood and is a self-proclaimed b****.)

Coworker #1: “[Coworker #2] can you get me a refill? I’ll give you a dollar.”

Coworker #2: *scoffs* “Get it yourself.”

Coworker #1: “But I’m tired and too lazy to do it myself.”

(She continues to whine about a refill and being tired for several minutes.)

Coworker #3: *having had enough of the whining* “Fine, I’ll do it. You don’t even have to give me a dollar.”

Coworker #1: “Fine, do it for free, then.”

(Coworker #3 takes the cup and starts walking out of the room.)

Coworker #2: *holding out his cup* “Well, since you’re already up…”

Coworker #3: “F*** you.”

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Has Vroom For Improvement

| Eden Prairie, MN, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Language & Words

(A friend and I go to a bakery to get bagels. The cashiers asks for our name for the receipt. Both our names are foreign ones so we laugh at how they spell our names every time.)

Me: “Lemme see your receipt.”

Him: *laughing so hard* “Take a look at this.” *hands me the receipt*

Me: “Vroom? That’s just stupid. Do they assume you’re a race car or something?”

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