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Very Personal Banking

| AL, USA | Language & Words

(I am working as a bank teller at a small bank branch. I’m also very pregnant, so sometimes my ‘pregnant brain’ turns on and I forget something, say something strange, or cry at the most ridiculous things. All my coworkers are women and have young kids, so they help me out when I’m having a bad day, and we all laugh when I do anything crazy. I have a younger male customer come in and start walking towards my window. I start to greet him, but instead of “Hi, what can I do for you today?” my pregnant brain takes over and I says.)

Me: “Hi, what can I do to you today? Wait! No! I mean… not do TO you. I meant, oh, wow, this is going downhill fast.”

(That poor man’s face was so red, and all my coworkers laughed at me the rest of the afternoon.)

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Parkinson’s Versus Memory Loss

| GA, USA | Health & Body

(I work at a bank opening new accounts. I sit down with a customer in my office, noticing he has barely filled out any of his application.)

Customer: “I hope you can read my handwriting; my Parkinson’s is acting up today.”

Me: “Oh, well, here, let me get that for you.” *fills out rest of application*

(I continue opening the account. The customer is a sweet old man and we are chatting while I work. Once I finish opening accounts, I always go over the deposit slips with the member, since they are a little confusing at first glance.)

Me: “All right, you just fill out the information here, here, here, and here! I’ll be right back with your card!”

(I run to the back. When I come back, I notice the member has only managed to fill out two lines on the slip, and looks very uncomfortable. I suddenly remember that he has Parkinson’s.)

Me: “Oh, my gosh! Sir, I am so sorry! Let me fill that out for you! I completely forgot!”

(I take his slip up to the teller for him, as well as filling out a few extras so he could have them ready next time he came in. He was very sweet about it, but I still feel bad for making the poor guy struggle so much with that slip.)

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Reader… My… Lips

| IL, USA | Employees, Technology

(I’m a serious tech nerd. I also don’t have a very good relationship with our IT department, as I’m constantly questioning their old-school methods of doing things. I’m having an issue with my check reader, which has completely stopped working. I’ve called it in. As I’m waiting on customers, I get several pop-ups on my computer that someone is trying to remote log in. I hit “cancel” and continue waiting on my customer. My phone rings…)

Me: “[Bank] in [Town]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

IT Guy: “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

IT Guy: “I’m TRYING to fix your reader software, and you keep kicking me out.”

Me: “I’ve got a customer, you didn’t tell me you were trying to remote in, and it’s not a software issue. I need a new reader.”

IT Guy: “I was almost done!”

Me: “And you have to give me a five minute warning if you’re going to remote in. We have a lot of customers today, and you need to give me time to finish up and shut down my station.”

IT Guy: “JUST CALL ME WHEN YOU’RE READY!”

(A few minutes later, I do this. He remotes in and runs a software update. As expected, my reader still malfunctions. I call him back…)

Me: “Yeah, I told you. I need a new reader. This still doesn’t work.”

IT Guy: *loud sigh* “I’ll be over to look at it.”

(I manage to track down a replacement, which works perfectly. The IT guy shows up and makes a great show of taking the bad reader apart while saying how quick this is going to be.)

IT Guy: “Oh… Would you look at that…”

Me: “What?”

IT Guy: “So, the software’s fine. There’s something actually wrong with the reader.”

Me: *sarcastically* “What?! You mean I was right?!”

IT Guy: “Yeah, yeah.”

Me: “I TOLD YOU!”

(He ended up having to take it with him because it was not a quick fix. This did not help my relationship with IT…)

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They Can’t Elevate Their Positions

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Bosses & Owners, Coworkers, Technology

(While working in a bank’s head office, around twenty colleagues and I get stuck in the elevator.)

Me: *pressing security call button* “Hello, the elevator has stopped between floors and won’t restart.”

Security: “I apologize for that. We will tell maintenance to come let you out. Could you please tell me who all is in the elevator?”

Me: “[My Name], and [twenty other lower-level bank employees].”

Security: “Thank you. We will inform your managers.”

Me: “Thank you.”

(Security hangs up.)

Man Behind Me: “You idiot! Why didn’t you name a manager or executive? We’re going to be stuck here for hours. They’re not going to rush for us!”

Me: “Oops.”

(He was right; we were in there for more than an hour. Next time I’m naming an executive or two!)

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Unlucky Number Seventeen

| Myrtle Beach, SC, USA | Crazy Requests, Employees

(I’m about 17. I’d left my debit card at the ATM, which retracted it after 30 seconds. I am going in to pick it up.)

Teller: “I’ll need to see two forms of ID.”

Me: “Ouch. I only have my student ID. I don’t really have anything else on me. What can I do?”

Teller: “You don’t have a driver’s license? At your age?”

Me: “No.”

Teller: “What about a cell phone bill?”

Me: *kind of surprised* “Why would I have any kind of bill in my name? I’m 17. I still live with my parents.”

Teller: “My daughter is 17 and pays her own cell phone bill.”

Me: “Do you really think that’s the norm?”

(In the end, my mom had to present HER two forms of ID, since she was co-signed to my account, for me to get my card back.)

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