Reader… My… Lips

| IL, USA | Employees, Technology

(I’m a serious tech nerd. I also don’t have a very good relationship with our IT department, as I’m constantly questioning their old-school methods of doing things. I’m having an issue with my check reader, which has completely stopped working. I’ve called it in. As I’m waiting on customers, I get several pop-ups on my computer that someone is trying to remote log in. I hit “cancel” and continue waiting on my customer. My phone rings…)

Me: “[Bank] in [Town]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”


Me: “Excuse me?”

IT Guy: “I’m TRYING to fix your reader software, and you keep kicking me out.”

Me: “I’ve got a customer, you didn’t tell me you were trying to remote in, and it’s not a software issue. I need a new reader.”

IT Guy: “I was almost done!”

Me: “And you have to give me a five minute warning if you’re going to remote in. We have a lot of customers today, and you need to give me time to finish up and shut down my station.”


(A few minutes later, I do this. He remotes in and runs a software update. As expected, my reader still malfunctions. I call him back…)

Me: “Yeah, I told you. I need a new reader. This still doesn’t work.”

IT Guy: *loud sigh* “I’ll be over to look at it.”

(I manage to track down a replacement, which works perfectly. The IT guy shows up and makes a great show of taking the bad reader apart while saying how quick this is going to be.)

IT Guy: “Oh… Would you look at that…”

Me: “What?”

IT Guy: “So, the software’s fine. There’s something actually wrong with the reader.”

Me: *sarcastically* “What?! You mean I was right?!”

IT Guy: “Yeah, yeah.”


(He ended up having to take it with him because it was not a quick fix. This did not help my relationship with IT…)


They Can’t Elevate Their Positions

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Bosses & Owners, Coworkers, Technology

(While working in a bank’s head office, around twenty colleagues and I get stuck in the elevator.)

Me: *pressing security call button* “Hello, the elevator has stopped between floors and won’t restart.”

Security: “I apologize for that. We will tell maintenance to come let you out. Could you please tell me who all is in the elevator?”

Me: “[My Name], and [twenty other lower-level bank employees].”

Security: “Thank you. We will inform your managers.”

Me: “Thank you.”

(Security hangs up.)

Man Behind Me: “You idiot! Why didn’t you name a manager or executive? We’re going to be stuck here for hours. They’re not going to rush for us!”

Me: “Oops.”

(He was right; we were in there for more than an hour. Next time I’m naming an executive or two!)


Unlucky Number Seventeen

| Myrtle Beach, SC, USA | Crazy Requests, Employees

(I’m about 17. I’d left my debit card at the ATM, which retracted it after 30 seconds. I am going in to pick it up.)

Teller: “I’ll need to see two forms of ID.”

Me: “Ouch. I only have my student ID. I don’t really have anything else on me. What can I do?”

Teller: “You don’t have a driver’s license? At your age?”

Me: “No.”

Teller: “What about a cell phone bill?”

Me: *kind of surprised* “Why would I have any kind of bill in my name? I’m 17. I still live with my parents.”

Teller: “My daughter is 17 and pays her own cell phone bill.”

Me: “Do you really think that’s the norm?”

(In the end, my mom had to present HER two forms of ID, since she was co-signed to my account, for me to get my card back.)


Trouble Is No Trouble At All

| USA | Bosses & Owners

(I work at the main location of this particular bank. As a result, there are members of upper management who are in and out frequently. One particular lady has a reputation of being the one who shows up when someone is about to get fired. Even my boss is afraid of her. On this particular day, I see her come in and realize with horror that she is making a beeline for my desk.)

Manager: “Hi, [My Name]?”

Me: *nervously* “Er… yes?”

(My fear grows as I watch my boss get up, grab her coffee and her purse, and make a quick exit into a back room. The other manager sees it, too.)

Manager: “No, no, no. I know what they say, but you’re not in trouble. I just had a question about a client that you helped the other day.”

Me: “Oh! Well, sure. Ask away!”

(I answer her question quickly. I notice that she’s looking at my computer background, which is me and a few friends goofing off at a charity event hosted by my church.)

Manager: “I couldn’t help noticing your background. That looks like a fun group of people!”

Me: “That is from an event my church held to benefit [Non-profit]. And it was a lot of fun!”

Manager: “Really? My church also supports [Non-profit]! Where do you attend?”

(We strike up a 10-minute conversation. During this time, I notice my boss peeking her head out of the back room every couple minutes.)

Manager: “Well, I’ve got to run back to my meeting. I’ll be sure to bring you that magazine article tomorrow; I think you’d really like it!”

Me: “Great! Can’t wait to read it!”

Manager: “Enjoy the rest of your day, [My Name]!”

(She exits. Not 30 seconds later, my boss pounces.)

Boss: “What did you do?!”

Me: “What do you mean, what did I do?”

Boss: “She was here for FIFTEEN MINUTES. You must’ve done SOMETHING.”

Me: “Excuse me?! All she did was ask a question about a customer I waited on the other day. Then, we got off topic and started talking about other stuff. That’s all. No one is in trouble!”

Boss: “…Oh.”

(Six months later, I was transferred to another area. The manager of that department? The lady from upper management who scared everyone. Almost two years later, I still work for her. We’ve become great friends. She’s the best boss I’ve ever had!)


Methinks He Doth Protest-ant Too Much

| Hamilton, ON, Canada | Bosses & Owners, Religion

Boss: “Now, I’m not biased. But it’s just obvious that if you’re Catholic, I’m going to like you a bit more.”

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