Putting The A** Into Asthma

| Bad Behavior, Health & Body

(I have been having asthma attacks on and off for over a year, due to exam stress and some other factors, so I am hyper-vigilant about having my asthma inhaler everywhere. This is before the smoking ban came into clubs and pubs in the UK. I start dancing at a party of my friends. I slowly start to have an asthma attack. I am also completely stone-cold sober. As I drag myself out into the fresh, clean, but cold air that can also be dangerous for asthmatics, I wam scraping along the walls and generally not looking very well. As I stumble through between the bouncers:)

Bouncer: *guffawing* “Had a bit too much to drink, luv?”

(After I let the symptoms pass, after about 20 minutes, using a series of techniques learned over the past year, my 5’4”, 17-year-old self has this to say to two huge bouncers:)

Me: “That was a really dangerous thing to do. I was having an asthma attack that, fortunately for you, I know how to control. But it could have been anyone. My father is a diabetic, and if he went into a hypoglycaemic coma, it would initially look as though he was drunk. I would hate to think that the level of your caring just now would have landed my father in hospital, if not dead. I hope next time you see someone in distress, you consider that they might not necessarily be drunk, and might even go and check on them!”

(At least they had the decency to look shame-faced.)

Addicted To Crack(ers)

, | Chicago, IL, USA | Bad Behavior, Coworkers, Food & Drink

(Our restaurant makes a snack for the bar that is similar to Cracker Jack. We tend to sneak tastes of it when it is being made. I had forgotten myself and was eating a giant handful of it when the chef who made it came around the corner and caught me.)

Chef: “Hey, uh, what are you snacking on there?”

Me: “Oh, I had some Cracker Jack in my pocket.”

Chef: “Funny, it looks just like the bar snack I just made.”

Me: “I know! That’s weird, right?”

Doesn’t Get The ID-ea

| Asheville, NC, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Employees

(My boyfriend and I are staying at a hotel to visit my friend for his 22nd birthday. To celebrate, we have all gone down to the bar that is attached to the hotel and have ordered an alcoholic beverage of some sort.)

Waiter: “All right, I’ll be right back with your drinks.”

(The waiter begins to walk away when my friend calls him back to the table.)

Friend: “Wait, don’t you want to see our IDs?”

Waiter: “Oh! Uh. Sure? Oh! Happy birthday!”

(Again, the waiter walks off, not even checking my ID or my boyfriend’s. He returns a few moments later with our drinks.)

Waiter: “All right, your drink is free for your birthday. I never remember to check people’s IDs.” *he laughs and walks away*

Me: “Did he really just admit that he doesn’t check ID? Isn’t that illegal?”

Friend: “Yeah. Yeah, it is…”

(To top it off, the next day I went to buy a lighter for my mom and the cashier panicked because she thought my boyfriend and I were sixteen!)

Pray The Pineapple Fell Very Far From The Tree

| Portsmouth, England, UK | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I’m working behind the bar on a quiet afternoon with a member of staff who has been there a good few months by this point. I’m testing her on cocktail recipes to help her remember them whilst we have time, and she’s asking about various ingredients.)

Coworker: “I don’t think I’d like that cocktail. It has pineapple juice in it and I don’t like apples.”

Me: “…What?            ”

Coworker: “Pineapple’s a type of apple, and I don’t like apples!”

You’ve Been Blindly Designated

| Oakland, CA, USA | Employees, Food & Drink, Health & Body, Ignoring/Inattentive

(I have a medical condition that makes drinking alcohol potentially fatal. I’m also legally blind. I can see a little, but use a white cane for dark areas. My coworkers and I are celebrating the end of a long week at a bar.)

Waitress: “And what can I get you, hun?”

Me: “If I could just get a soda? I can’t drink booze.”

Waitress: “It’s a two drink minimum.”

Me: “Really, I can’t drink. At all. Just a soda, please.”

(The waitress looks at me, my white cane, and my almost milk-white eyes.)

Waitress: “Okay, so you’re the designated driver? Cool.”

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