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Making Certain Allowances For Age

, | CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Employees

(I’m at a restaurant with my mother picking up a to-go order, when I reach for my wallet to pay.)

Waiter: *turns to my mom* “Is she paying with her allowance?”

Me: “No— I… How old are you?”

Waiter: *offended* “I’m thirty-four.”

Mom: “How old does she look?”

Waiter: “Older than sixteen.”

Me: “I’m twenty four.”

(He apologized profusely. And said one day I’d appreciate looking so young. This happens all the time.)

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Doesn’t Have The Sheep’s Stomach For Your Assumptions

| Edinburgh, Scotland, UK | Employees, Food & Drink, Tourists & Travel

(I am a Canadian backpacker and go into a pub on the Royal Mile in Edinburgh. I approach the bartender.)

Me: “Hi, ‘scuse me, I had a question about the menu—”

Bartender: *sigh* “Haggis is sheep’s liver, lungs and heart, cooked in its stomach, and no, I’m not joking.”

Me: “I know THAT. My parents are both members of the Royal Vancouver Island Scottish Country Dance Society and my friends all think they’re terminally weird after hearing about how we have to drink a toast to sheep guts every January 25th. Now could you please tell me how many sausages come with the bangers and mash?”

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Speaking Of The Christmas Party…

| Coworkers, Holidays

(We’re at the office Christmas party and Coworker #1 has had way too much to drink and is now shouting every few seconds. I’m chatting with Coworker #2.)

Me: “I think [Coworker #1] has reached his limit.”

(Coworker #2 glances over at Coworker #1.)

Coworker #1: “ROCK AND ROLL!”

Coworker #2: “Nope. He can still speak.”

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Here’s Your Rum And Coke, Mistress

| Annapolis, MD, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Employees

(I meet my husband at a bar after I’m done with work.)

Husband: “You look like you’re ready for a drink.”

Me: “Yeah, a little bit. Could I have a rum and Coke, please?”

Bartender: “No problem. You look a little stressed.”

Me: “I had a long evening at work. I’m just glad to be off.”

Bartender: “You got a hard job?”

Me: “Just a really, really weird one.”

Bartender: “It can’t be that strange.”

Me: “It’s pretty weird.”

Bartender: “I bet I’ve heard of weirder!”

Me: “I’m a professional dominatrix.”

Bartender: “…”

Me: “I just spent all evening spanking people and calling them really nasty names.”

Bartender: “Okay… you got me there.”

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There Is Mushroom For Improvement

| UK | Bad Behavior, Bosses & Owners, Wild & Unruly

(I am 15 and work in a pub as a waitress on weekends. The pub is owned by a couple; the guy works in the kitchen and the woman runs the bar and waitresses. The head chef (not the owner) is in his 40s and only got the job because the old one left and nobody else wanted it. A family has complained that something is missing from their meal.)

Me: “Hey, [Head Chef], table five is missing mushrooms with their gammon. Can I get some on a side plate or something, please?”

Head Chef: “Tell table five they need to learn to read the f****** menu.”

(I go and check the menu myself then take it up to the kitchen.)

Me: “Sorry to bother you again, but it says mushrooms in the menu.”

(I try to show him but he snatches the menu out of my hand and then throws it, narrowly missing me and hitting the wall behind me. He then starts verbally abusing me for several minutes. The guy owner is standing behind him but does nothing. I try to walk away.)

Head Chef: “Don’t walk away until I say you can, b****. Now go tell table five they aren’t getting any f****** mushrooms!”

(I go to table five and explain they won’t be getting mushrooms in politer terms. I’m nearly in tears. I then go to the woman owner who is behind the bar.)

Me: “I quit. If you want to know why ask [Head Chef] and your husband.”

(I removed my apron, burst into tears, and left. She called me the next day and apologised, but when I asked she told me the head chef wouldn’t apologise and they wouldn’t make him. I got a better part time job pretty quickly. Over the next three years they had a high turnover of waiting staff and got a reputation as a bad employer and for not providing what the menu offers. The year after I left for university the place burned down in what was widely suspected to be an insurance job and they sold the site to a chain.)

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