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Pain Caused By Telemarketers

| USA | Employees, Health & Body

(The phone rings, and I pick it up.)

Me: “Hello?”

Caller: “Hello, sir. I’m just calling to ask if anyone in your home is in pain.”

Me: *thinking I misheard* “…What?”

Caller: “Is anyone in pain or suffering?”

(I start breaking out laughing.)

Me: “What kind of call is this?”

Caller: *click*

(I think the caller was likely trying to find people who are suffering some kind of terrible chronic condition, like cancer, and either sell some pseudo-scientific “cure” or some faith-healing nonsense. These kinds of activities are despicable, and nothing to laugh about. But I couldn’t stop myself from laughing because of how insane their scamming tactic was!)

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A Cursory Complaint

| St. Louis, MO, USA | Coworkers, Language & Words, Popular, Technology

(When I am first starting out in IT, I work for a company that puts computers into grocery stores to do money transfers. These are the early machines, with no mouse and you had to tab between fields. The employees are also getting their first exposure to computers, and some of the terminology isn’t known yet. Example: blinky thing = cursor. This poor woman has a very angry person at her window trying to get money, and the system isn’t working.)

User: *talking over the yelling in the background* “Hi, my computer won’t let me pay out the money.”

Me: “Okay, is there an error message?”

User: *still talking over the yelling in the background* “No, it just won’t go through!”

Me: “All right. Where is the cursor?”

User: *nearly crying* “He’s on the other side of the window, and he won’t stop yelling!”

(It took me a second to realize exactly what she had just said.)

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The Number One Problem With Computers

| St. Louis, MO, USA | Coworkers, Health & Body, Popular, Technology

(I am working in an IT call center that handles computers for doctor’s offices.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Well… we need a new computer.”

Me: “Okay. What seems to be problem?”

Caller: “Oh, what the h***. A urine sample got spilled in this one, and we’re afraid to turn it on.”

Me: “That’s new. I’ll put in a request to the field techs, and mark it a bio-hazard.”

Caller: “Thanks! I think I have a bio-hazard sticker I can put on it too.”

Me: “Perfect. Hope your day gets better!”

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That Raise Is Not Your Calling

| St. Louis, MO, USA | Bad Behavior, Bosses & Owners, Popular

(I am the newest employee at a help desk, and I have been there about six months. Previously, they had hired people from the call center that knew the system, but didn’t necessarily know IT. They were surprised that I was able to take so many calls so quickly with an IT background, fixing IT problems (go figure). The goal was 25 calls a day and I was averaging 50-60 calls a day. It is time for the end of year review, and to see if I can get a raise.)

Boss: “You have really done well. These numbers are great!”

Me: *feeling smug* “Thanks. I appreciate that.”

Boss: “However, since you are so fast, we really hold you to a different standard.”

Me: “Huh?”

Boss: “So, I can’t give you the two-step raise since you only met my expectations.”

Me: “What?!”

Boss: “Keep up the good work!”

(I started a new job two months later. The kicker: the starting pay was higher than what my “two-step” raise would have been.)