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You’re Still Here? It’s Over!

| St. Louis, MO, USA | Awesome Workers, Coworkers, Movies & TV

(I work in a tech call center. I had another tech stand up and ask who has been working with a site. He starts in with the old classic:)

Coworker: “Anybody? Anybody? Bueller? Bueller?”

Me: “I think it’s his day off.”

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The Answer Has Different Shades Of Black

| Glendale, AZ, USA | Employees

(I am calling the customer service line to ask a question about a product they were advertising.)

Me: “I’m calling about [Product]. Your web site says that it comes in black/yellow but the picture of the item looks like it has a little black, some yellow, and is mostly gray. Is that right or is it a bad picture?”

Rep: “Well the product is listed as black and yellow.”

Me: “Yes, I know that’s what your web site says but the picture looks gray. Is the main color black or gray?”

Rep: “Let me grab one and check.”

(A minute later…)

Rep: “The main color is light black.”

Me: “Light black is called gray.”

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Pin The Tail On The Culprit

| Phoenix, AZ, USA | Bad Behavior, Coworkers, Lazy/Unhelpful, Liars/Scammers

(We have several new coworkers, one of whom is working this shift. Coworker #1 is currently working and is known for being ‘too nice’ even when people are taking advantage of her. Coworker #2 is notoriously lazy, rude, and is very close to being fired. During a slow period, the following conversation happens.)

Coworker #1: “You know, this is one of the better jobs that I’ve had! I don’t think I have a problem with ANYONE here! Everyone works so hard!”

Me: “Really? Haven’t you worked with [Coworker #2]?”

Coworker #1: “Of course! He’s… well… not the nicest person in the world sometimes…”

Me: “Didn’t he take off last shift without filing any of his paperwork, and leaving you to do it?”

Coworker #1: “Well… yeaaahhh… but it’s not like it’s that much extra work!”

Me: “And didn’t he repeatedly call his cell phone last shift to look like he was on a call, but was just sitting there doing nothing?”

Coworker #1: “He did?!”

Me: “And he learned the trick of flicking the receiver to make it reset him to the back of the call queue so the calls roll and we ALL get docked on our call reviews?”

Coworker #1: “He’s not THAT bad!”

Me: *pointed look*

Coworker #1: “Okay, so he’s a bit of an Eeyore.”

Me: “Not so much an Eeyore as a jack-a**”

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One Window Closes, Another One Opens

| UT, USA | Liars/Scammers

(I work for a major call center.I get a rather amusing phone call.)

Caller: “Hello, to whom am I speaking?”

Me: “How can I help you?”

Caller: “I’m calling from Windows technical support. We’ve been alerted to some problems on your computer, which for a low fee we can fix. You’ll just need to give me access to your computer and I can walk you through what we need.”

Me: “Really? Oh, lord… Uh, what kind of problem?”

Caller: “Well, I can’t really talk about it over the phone. It’s, you know… sensitive.”

Me: “But couldn’t I fix the problem myself? I mean, I know a good bit about computers.”

Caller: “You could try, but we’re showing you’ve probably downloaded something you shouldn’t have. Like I said, just give me the information and I can access your computer.”

Me: “I don’t know. You sound like a scammer to me. I don’t know if I should trust you.”

Caller: “It’s not a scam. I’m calling from Windows technical support. What makes you think it’s a scam?”

Me: “Other than the fact that you called Windows Technical Support, and are speaking with a licensed Windows Tech, trying to tell him something is wrong with his computer that he knows isn’t possible?”

Caller: “You’re Windows Technical Support?”

Me: “Yes.”

Caller: *sheepish* “Well, that was stupid. I should hang up now shouldn’t I?”

Me: “That’d be my best guess.”

Caller: “Uh, sorry. I won’t bother you again.” *hangs up*

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Only Weight-Loss On The Wallet

| Winston-Salem, NC, USA | Bosses & Owners, Employees, Ignoring & Inattentive, Money

(A few weeks prior, my mother and I had agreed to try a free trial of a month’s supply of diet pills that were featured in a health magazine. The catch was that you had to pay shipping, and if you didn’t cancel your account within 14 days, you would be charged about $90, the price of a regular month’s supply. My mom paid shipping and cancelled with no issues. The shipping was never taken out of my account, so I called in to cancel and got a bit of a runaround, but eventually had it worked out. I thought no more of it until the company still pulled out the $90 anyway the next week.)

Me: *on the phone* “Hi. So, I cancelled my account with you last week, but I was still charged. I’d like a refund. ”

Phone Rep: “Okay, ma’am, may I ask your name?”

Me: “Um, [My Name].”

Phone Rep: “Okay, [My Name], what were your weight loss goals when you signed up for our free trial?”

Me: “Please refund my money.”

Phone Rep: “Okay, [My Name]. Did you know [Product] was mentioned in [Health Magazine] and used by [Famous Celebrity]—”

Me: “I’m not interested; I’d like my money back.”

Phone Rep: “Well, I have good news for you, [My Name]. I can offer you 40% off today—”

Me: “No, I want my money back.”

Phone Rep: “Please hold.”

(I wait a minute before she comes back on the line.)

Phone Rep: “I’ve just been told that I am authorized to offer you 80% off of your order today—”

Me: “Please transfer me to a supervisor.”

Phone Rep: “Ma’am, I’m fully equipped to help you.”

Me: “Then please refund my money.”

(She continues to give me excuses and asking about weight loss and health, with me interrupting her every time with the same demands.)

Me: “Listen, I understand where you’re at right now. You probably aren’t authorized to give me a return, and you likely get marks on your record for transferring too many calls. But trust me when I say this: I will stay on this line until you either give me my money or direct me to someone who can, and you will make no sales today.”

(She tells me the supervisor is busy and I insist to be put in a queue; I eventually settle for a callback, making a note to call back myself the next day if I didn’t hear from anyone. The next day:)

Supervisor: *on the phone* “How can I help you today?”

(I explain the situation.)

Supervisor: “Ah, I see on our records here that you did call to cancel well before the cut-off date, but your rep just didn’t do it. My apologies. Your refund will be issued over the next two days.”

(This call took a total of two minutes. My mom and I never received our items.)