Only Weight-Loss On The Wallet

| Winston-Salem, NC, USA | Bosses & Owners, Employees, Ignoring & Inattentive, Money

(A few weeks prior, my mother and I had agreed to try a free trial of a month’s supply of diet pills that were featured in a health magazine. The catch was that you had to pay shipping, and if you didn’t cancel your account within 14 days, you would be charged about $90, the price of a regular month’s supply. My mom paid shipping and cancelled with no issues. The shipping was never taken out of my account, so I called in to cancel and got a bit of a runaround, but eventually had it worked out. I thought no more of it until the company still pulled out the $90 anyway the next week.)

Me: *on the phone* “Hi. So, I cancelled my account with you last week, but I was still charged. I’d like a refund. ”

Phone Rep: “Okay, ma’am, may I ask your name?”

Me: “Um, [My Name].”

Phone Rep: “Okay, [My Name], what were your weight loss goals when you signed up for our free trial?”

Me: “Please refund my money.”

Phone Rep: “Okay, [My Name]. Did you know [Product] was mentioned in [Health Magazine] and used by [Famous Celebrity]—”

Me: “I’m not interested; I’d like my money back.”

Phone Rep: “Well, I have good news for you, [My Name]. I can offer you 40% off today—”

Me: “No, I want my money back.”

Phone Rep: “Please hold.”

(I wait a minute before she comes back on the line.)

Phone Rep: “I’ve just been told that I am authorized to offer you 80% off of your order today—”

Me: “Please transfer me to a supervisor.”

Phone Rep: “Ma’am, I’m fully equipped to help you.”

Me: “Then please refund my money.”

(She continues to give me excuses and asking about weight loss and health, with me interrupting her every time with the same demands.)

Me: “Listen, I understand where you’re at right now. You probably aren’t authorized to give me a return, and you likely get marks on your record for transferring too many calls. But trust me when I say this: I will stay on this line until you either give me my money or direct me to someone who can, and you will make no sales today.”

(She tells me the supervisor is busy and I insist to be put in a queue; I eventually settle for a callback, making a note to call back myself the next day if I didn’t hear from anyone. The next day:)

Supervisor: *on the phone* “How can I help you today?”

(I explain the situation.)

Supervisor: “Ah, I see on our records here that you did call to cancel well before the cut-off date, but your rep just didn’t do it. My apologies. Your refund will be issued over the next two days.”

(This call took a total of two minutes. My mom and I never received our items.)


Going Down The Same Router Every Time

| Australia | Employees, Ignoring & Inattentive, Lazy/Unhelpful, Technology

(I’m calling my Internet service provider because my Internet had become excruciatingly slow. We’ve done about half-an-hour of troubleshooting to this point. My technician has an extremely thick accent that I’m having a bit of trouble with.)

Tech Support: “I need you to type this into the command prompt: A for Apple, E for Airplane…” *continues*

Me: “I’m sorry, didn’t catch that first bit, can you repeat please?”

(He repeats the same, including the E for Airplane.)

Me: *really confused now* “Sorry, E for Airplane? Don’t you mean A for Airplane?”

Tech Support: *sounding cross* “E for effort!”

(The call continues in this vein until he insists I need to try it with another modem or in another home with ADSL.)

Me: “I don’t have any access to either option. I don’t own another modem, I’m not buying another, and I’ve just moved to the area so I don’t know anyone.”

Tech Support: *repeats his first statement about needing another*

Me: “Like I said just before, I can’t do that.”

(This actually keeps going around in circles, I’m getting increasingly frustrated but not raising my voice or swearing. After about the fifth time he’s said his spiel and I explain I can’t do it.)

Tech Support: “Fine! There’s nothing we can do, then!” *click*

(Trust me, he got a very big complaint when I rang back.)


Not A-Custom-ed To That Explanation

| KS, USA | Bad Behavior, Coworkers

(This takes place at a potential job interview. Since this would be my first job if they hire me, I have asked for some clarification about what exactly the position is for. The woman I’m speaking with is very friendly explaining it, and then she says this gem.)

Female Employee: “What we specialize in is customer service. We serve the company to sell to their customers and to attempt to keep the customers happy so they’ll continue to be customers.”

Me: *thinking to myself* “So, why do they call it ‘customer’ service if the primary goal isn’t to serve the customer’s best interests?”


Requires No Deliberation

, | London, England, UK | Crazy Requests, Employees, Extra Stupid

(I recently ordered some computer parts, which came to about £27.50. Postage on the order was £2.50 flat rate, so I added some bits and bobs – about a dozen items, totalling another £2-3 or so. The bits and bobs arrived fine, but the computer parts were wrong. After extensive arguing with their customer service team I finally got them to agree to process a return.)

Me: “So, you’ll refund the wrong items, plus the postage, right?”

Customer Services: “No, we will only refund the postage if you return everything that was ordered.”

Me: “So, you’d rather I spend £0 with you, and you are out the postage both ways, than that you incur the same costs and I still spend £3 with you?”

Customer Services: “Yes, that’s right.”

Me: “Blimey O’Riley, this is the worst customer services I’ve ever encountered. Please let me speak to a manager.”

Customer Services: “Why do you want that?”

Me: “I just want to know whether the utter disdain and outright contempt with which you treat customers is deliberate.”

Customer Services: “I assure you it’s deliberate. Would you still like to speak to a manager?”

(Well, at least they’re honest about it…)


Not A Magical Gathering

| Canada | Coworkers, Geeks Rule

(My Coworkers and I are incredibly nerdy: at least four of us are working on convention costumes between calls, someone has a tattoo in Elvish, and at least a couple of us are learning to speak it. We also often play Magic: The Gathering or read comics between calls. Five of us are chatting before a meeting…)

Coworker #1: “…which I think is probably pretty popular with a certain amount of World of Warcraft players, heh.”

Coworker #2: “Uh… World of Warcraft? What’s that?”

Coworker #1: “You’ve never heard of World of Warcraft?!”

Coworker #3: “It’s, like, a game or something…?”

Me: “It’s this big online role-playing game.” *Coworker #2 still looks blank* “You may have heard of it as ‘WoW’?”

Coworker #2: “What’s ‘WoW’?”

Me:World of Warcraft! Okay, so, like, you know Dungeons & Dragons, right? It’s kind of like—”

Coworker #2: “What’s Dungeons & Dragons?”

Me: “‘D&D’?! Now you’re messing with me. You don’t know— How can you work here and not know what ‘D&D’ is?!”

Coworker #1: “It’s like this really old board game, isn’t it?”

Coworker #4: “I thought it was a card game?”

Coworker #3: “No, that’s ‘Magic’.”