Coffee For The Monkeys

| Milwaukie, OR, USA | Awesome Workers, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

(My daughter has an unusual name, and even when we write the pronunciation beside the spelling on forms or other documents, people still always mispronounce it. She is eight years old. We are at a coffee shop and each person in our family is getting a drink.)

Husband: “Flat white.”

Barista: “Name?”

Husband: “[Husband].”

Me: “They would each like a caramel frappuccino with whipped cream.”

Barista: *to my older daughter* “Your name?”

Older Daughter: “[Older Daughter].”

Barista: *to my younger daughter* “Your name?”

(I can see my daughter hesitating to say her name because it is never a simple process, even if you say it, then spell it immediately, people always comment on it.)

Me: *to her* “You can give any name you want. It doesn’t have to be YOUR name.”

Younger Daughter: *to barista* “Monkey Face!”

Barista: *laughing* “Okay, Monkey Face!” *to the drink-maker* “Here is a cup for Monkey Face.” *they both laugh and my daughter is happy*

Me: “And I’d like [my order], please.”

Barista: “You must be Mom?”

Me: “Yes. You can just put ‘Mom’ on mine.”

(When we picked up our drinks, I saw she had actually written “SuperMom!” on my cup. I “awww”ed and thanked her. Very sweet.)


Don’t Want To Cause A Latte Trouble, Part 2

| Cambridge, England, UK | Employees, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I go into a branch of a well known coffee shop.)

Me: “Tall black decaf, please.”

Barista: “Black decaf what?”

Me: “Tall black decaf coffee, please.”

Barista: “Yeah, but what kind of coffee? Cappuccino, latte?”

(I was tempted to ask for a black cappuccino but she seemed confused enough already.)

Don’t Want To Cause A Latte Trouble


I Can Pick One Reason Why You Won’t Work Out

| MI, USA | Job Seekers

(I am the manager of a small coffee shop. A friend of mine recommends his sister, a regular customer, to fill an open position. I agree to give her an interview. Later…)

Friend: “So, how’d it go? Do you think you’ll hire [Sister]?”

Me: “Probably not. There’s been a lot of interest, so she’s competing against experienced baristas and servers.”

Friend: “C’mon, please give her a chance. She loves coffee, and loves this place. And everyone needs to start somewhere, right?”

Me: “I know, I know. Also, she misspelled ‘cappuccino’ and ‘espresso’ in her cover letter. The letter she wrote by hand while sitting in the shop, in plain view of the menu board. That’s just careless.”

Friend: “Okay, I see that. But—“

Me: “And the final reason I’m not going to hire her is because during the interview, she picked her nose, looked at it, and ate it, while she was in the middle of answering a question.”

Friend: “Oh. Yeah, good call.”

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