Talking Bananas

| ID, USA | Employees, Food & Drink, Ignoring & Inattentive

(I often stop to get milkshakes from a Greek food drive-thru known for its shakes. It’s important to note that while the food is Greek, the employees are local, native English speakers.)

Employee: “Welcome to [Fast Food]. What can I get for you?”

Me: “I’d like a large thick vanilla shake and a large thin mint shake.”

Employee: “Okay, so that’s two large vanilla shakes, one thick and one thin?”

Me: “No, a thick vanilla and a thin mint.”

Employee: “Oh, okay, a large thick vanilla and a medium thin vanilla. Got it.”

Me: “No, only ONE vanilla. Thick. The other one is a THIN MINT shake.”

Employee: “…Banana?”

Me: “Please, just let me order at the window.”

Trafficking In Excuses

| USA | Liars/Scammers, New Hires

(We have recently hired a new cashier. She’s a bit bratty, but is a good worker. She also spends way too much time on her phone while working as well as occasionally coming in late. It is one of our busiest mornings yet, and we only have one cashier on duty, while the new hire is late. Desperate, I call her.)

Me: “[New Hire]? Where are you?! We’re getting slammed here. Why aren’t you at work yet?”

New Hire: “Yeah, there’s been a lot of traffic and there’s really nothing I can do.”

Me: *skeptical as I have heard people use that excuse before* “Really? Well, if you are in the middle of traffic, then send me a picture.”

New Hire: *hangs up*

Me: *gets new notification*

(It’s a selfie of her wearing VERY reflective sunglasses in the car and driving. At first, I thought that I’ll let her off the hook, but then I notice something and I call her back.)

New Hire: *rather smugly* “Told you I was in traffic.”

Me: “Yeah, I thought as much, but I noticed something about the picture you sent me.”

New Hire: *sounding less certain but still smug* “Oh, yeah? What’s that?”

Me: “How about the fact that we live in one of the most populous cities in America and that the background is a flat plain? And how about the fact that your sunglasses shows absolutely NO cars in front of you?”

New Hire: *hangs up*

(A few days later, I got a call from my boss stating that she had been fired, not only for ditching work but also for faking it, as well by coming in the back when we were busy and changing the work logs. She still occasionally drops in to glare and leave a bad report on me. They always get tossed.)

Your Slacking Is Lacking

, | New Haven CT, USA | Bosses & Owners, Health & Body, Ignoring & Inattentive

(I work at a sandwich shop for my very first job ever, and this boss is easily the worst boss I’ll ever have. I injure my wrist a few months into working there, and I approach her with a doctor’s note.)

Boss: “This note is really vague. Are you able to work or not?”

Me: “It just says that I can’t lift anything heavy or use certain repetitive movements with my right wrist, and that a wrap bandage helps me support the injury. It’s only a strain, so I just need time to rest it, nothing serious. But I work with [Coworker] every night, and he and I can figure out how to keep the work fair.”

Boss: “I better not see you slacking off!”

(Usually my boss would leave me and Coworker alone to manage the shop, but tonight she decides to loom over me every minute of the night and criticize.)

Boss: “Why aren’t you slicing tomatoes from the prep list?”

Me: “The tomato slicer is a right-handed machine and it’s a repetitive movement.”

Boss: “Oh but you’re not too lazy to cut onions?”

Me: “…the rotary cutter can be turned around so I can run it left-handed. I can do everything on the list that uses the rotary cutter but not the tomato machine. [Coworker] can slice the tomatoes when I’m done and I’ll take care of customers to free his hands, to make it fair.”

Boss: “You just said that you were avoiding making sandwiches before and that you’d only do the register.”

Me: “No, just that it’s awkward to make sandwiches left handed, and I’m much slower than usual but the register would be much easier for me. If I have a large order I’ll need to call [Coworker] back up but–”

Boss: “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. It’s too complicated. Just do the whole prep list like you’re supposed to.”

(I did not. Later, I’m washing dishes in a three bay sink, so I have my wrap bandage off for a short time to keep it dry.)

Boss: “Your note said you needed to wear a wrap bandage at all times!!! You’re lying to me!”

Me: “Not at all times; only when I need the additional support. I’m elbow deep in hot water. This is actually really soothing.”

Boss: “You’re lying to me about your wrist hurting!”

Me: “I’ll bet you a fistful of ibuprofen and the past week of physical therapy that I’m not!”


Boss: “The chore list says that [Coworker] cleans the bathroom and you do the trash. Why are you doing the bathroom?”

Me: “I can’t lift the trash bags to take them outside, but I can wrap a garbage bag to protect my wrap bandage and clean the bathrooms purely left-handed. All I’m doing is spraying bleach and wiping so…”

Boss: “But that’s not what the chore list says. This is [Coworker]’s nightly tasks.”

Me: “We are dividing the labor based on what I can physically accomplish tonight, as equally as possible.”

Boss: “You’re just being lazy!”

Coworker: *returns inside from taking out the trash* “She’s literally done two-thirds of the cleanup tonight while I sat around and waited for customers to walk in the door. How the hell is she lazy? Wouldn’t she have been better off calling out of work all week?!”

(My boss huffed off, continuing to mutter about me slacking off.)

Your Order Is Toast

, | MD, USA | Employees, Food & Drink, Ignoring & Inattentive

(I am ordering a sandwich for lunch at a popular sandwich chain where you watch the employees make the sandwich as you order.)

Me: “I’d like a six-inch, sweet onion chicken teriyaki sub, on whole wheat bread, please.”

Employee: “Toasted?”

Me: “No, but can you heat the chicken, please?”

Employee: “Toasted?”

Me: “Just heat the meat, please.”

Employee: “The bread?”

Me: *getting frustrated* “No, just heat the chicken.”

Employee: “The meat?”

Me: “Yes!”

(She proceeds to place the chicken in the microwave for at least two minutes. The chicken is still in the microwave when I get to the next employee, who isn’t any better…)

Employee #2: “What is this?”

Me: “A sweet onion chicken teriyaki sub.”

Employee #2: “Toasted?”

Me: “No, the meat is in the microwave.”

Employee #2: “You want the bread toasted?”

Me: “No, the chicken is being heated now.”

Employee #2: “Oh!”

(She gets the chicken from the microwave.)

Me: “I’d like lettuce and cucumber please.”

Employee #2: *puts lettuce and tomato on the sandwich* “Lettuce and tomato okay?”

Me: *pointing at cucumber which is away from the tomato* “No tomato, cucumber.”

Employee #2: *picking off lettuce* “Tomato?”

Me: “Lettuce. Cucumber.”

Employee #2: *leaves tomato on, adds lettuce and cucumber* “What’s next?”

Me: “Take off the tomato, please.”

(Eventually she got the sandwich right. I’m not usually picky about what goes on my sandwich but I was ordering for someone else. The people behind and in front of me were having similar communication issues, so it wasn’t just me!)

If Life Gives You Lemonade, Demand Iced Tea

| Dayton, OH, USA | Food & Drink

(I am the customer here. Lunch time experience at the drive-thru:)

Speaker: “What would you like to drink?”

Me: “I see you have lemonade; can you make a half-unsweetened iced tea, half lemonade?”

Speaker: *female voice* “No, I can’t do that.”

Me: “Okay, then just a medium unsweetened iced tea.”

Speaker: *male voice* “We can, but I need to charge you the higher price for a lemonade.”

Me: “No problem, just the unsweetened iced tea is fine. Medium.”

Speaker: “Your total is $[total]. Please drive forward.”

(I drive forward. Now I’m at the window.)

Young Woman: “That was a half sweet tea, half lemonade?”

Me: “No, just an unsweetened tea. I didn’t pay extra for the lemonade.”

Young Woman: “Sweet tea?”

Me: “No, UNsweetened, thanks.”

(She went off to make the drink. My meal was handed out. My drink was handed out. I drove to the stop light. I stuck the straw in the drink cup and took a swig. By my best guess, it was half lemonade and half sweet tea. Oh, well.)

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