Getting Into A Pickle Pickle

, | Wheeling, IL, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words

Me: “Can I get two [Burgers] with cheese, one with no pickles.”

Cashier: “So, that’s two [Burgers] with cheese and one [Burger] with no pickles.”

Me: “No, two [Burgers] total, both with cheese, one of them with no pickles.”

Cashier: “That’s the same thing, just said a different way.”


The Sounds Of A Hire Power

, | Albuquerque, NM, USA | New Hires

(I am sitting at a table, eating a burger, when…)

Kitchen: *CRASH*

Kitchen: *BANG*

Kitchen: *Wilhelm Scream*

Kitchen: *tinkle tinkle*

Manager: *over the intercom* “Attention diners: if you know anyone in need of a job, we are now hiring.”


H2-Slow, Part 2

| York, England, UK | Employees, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I’m ordering lunch in a greasy take-away, but as I don’t like fizzy drinks I usually order a bottle of water with the meal deal instead of the cup of fizzy drink.)

Me: “Hi, I’d like the two-piece chicken meal with a bottle of water, please.”

Cashier: “We don’t serve bottles with the meal deal, only the cups.”

Me: *thinking they might now have a water dispenser, or are serving tap water* “Oh, okay. I’ll have a cup of water, then?”

Cashier: *proceeds to start filling a cup with [Soda #1] from the machine*

Me: “Uh, no. Not [Soda #1], water.”

Cashier: “We don’t do water, only [Soda #1].”

Me: “What? Yes, you do! You’ve got bottles of water in there!” *points to the fridge where the water bottles are plainly visible*

Cashier: *takes out a bottle of [Soda #1]* “No, see? It’s [Soda #1].”

Me: *pointing and getting exasperated* “NO, the WATER is THERE, above it!”

Cashier: “But… water is [Soda #2]?”

Me: *dumbfounded staring*

Cashier: *realisation hits* “OH! You want WATER!” *gets me a bottle of water*

(I have no idea what the confusion was about, as we both pronounced water the same way. I can only assume he was having a long day and isn’t used to people ordering water with their greasy food.)




A Shift In Their Behavior

| USA | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers

(Coworker #1 and I are very good friends. Our way of showing our love for each other tends to be very sarcastic, and playfully “violent,” in manner. Usually we work the morning shift together, and our other coworkers have long since gotten used to our behavior. This particular day, however, I have worked the lunch shift and Coworker #1 is working dinner, so our paths are crossing at three pm among coworkers who have never worked with both of us together.)

Coworker #1: “[My Name]! I haven’t seen you in forever!” *steps on my toes* “Why did you abandon me?”

Me: *extricates my foot and lightly kicks her ankle* “Uh uh. You abandoned me. And I was glad, anyway. I didn’t want to see you.”

Coworker #1: “Well, fine. I’d have ended up having to pick up all your slack, loser. At least now I can work in peace.”

Me: “Ugh. You’re so annoying. I hate you.”

Coworker #1: “Well, I hate you, too. So there.” *smacks me lightly on the arm and turns to put her purse in the lockers*

(We both turn around to find all coworkers in earshot staring at us in shock. I think the only reason they believed our explanation was that they all knew either one or both of us separately, so they knew we weren’t mean people!)


My Boss Is A Nazi… Literally

| Dallas/Fort Worth, TX, USA | Bad Behavior, Bigotry, Bosses & Owners

(I work at a drive-in fast food joint as a cook. The store manager is relatively new. While working the prep station, I notice that someone has carved a large swastika into the cutting board.)

Me: “[Manager], I thought I’d bring this to your attention. It looks like someone has carved a swastika into the cutting board.”

Manager: *indignantly* “Okay… What do you expect me to do about it?”

Me: “Just a thought, maybe we could just have it flipped over, so that it isn’t visible.”

Manager: *dismissively smirks and returns to his paperwork*

(For a month, I take it upon myself to flip it over every time I work. Two days before the regional manager comes in, I noticed someone had carved multiple swastikas on BOTH sides of the cutting board.)

Me: “[Manager], I’m not sure if you had noticed, but someone has carved swastikas on both sides of the cutting board.”

Manager: “Well, I guess you’ll have to deal with seeing it.”

(The next day, I show the regional manager. Though I had the opportunity to throw the store manager under the bus, I choose not to let him know that I had told him about it.)

Regional Manager: *seeing the obviously intentional carvings* “Wow! Yeah, we’ll take care of that as soon as possible.”

(Two days later I come into work and notice a clean, new, cutting board. I also noticed that my hours are cut in half, and am assigned every crap closing duty on the days I work. Biting my tongue, I continue working, un-phased by the turn of events. One night, I pass by the store manager and another employee in their smoke break, while taking out crushed boxes.)

Manager: “[My Name], would you have gotten offended if you saw the word ‘n*****’ written in our bathroom wall?”

Me: “Yes.”

Manager: “Why? You’re not black.”

Me: “It doesn’t matter. It’s an offensive word. Not to mention customers also use that restroom, and it’s just all around unprofessional.”

Manager: “Well, you’re not Jewish, are ya?” *now referring to the swastika*

Me: “I have Jewish background.”

Manager: “Well, you’re not German, are ya?”

Me: “Yes… I have German background, too.”

(The next day, I submitted my two-week notice. In an ironic twist, I found out that he was fired two months later. Apparently, he and another employee, who he told us was his “brother,” were caught making out in his car, in front of the store, by the regional manager.)