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Their Logic Is A DuD

| GA, USA | Employees, Ignoring & Inattentive, Military, Popular

(I work as a civilian contractor for the Department of Defense. My time is spent on military bases, so I am required to wear a uniform similar to the military type, though mine says “Civilian Contractor” where the name would be on the breast. After one long day at work, I decide to head over to a local chain burger place to get something to eat before heading to my motel room to crash. Since I’ve just left the base, I am still in uniform, and don’t feel like heading to change. That’s how tired I am. Going inside, I wait patiently to be served, and then step up to the counter when my turn comes.)

Me: “I’ll have a [Order], and a large tea.”

Cashier: “You get a military discount if you have your ID.”

Me: “I’m not military.”

Cashier: “Then why are you dressed like that? It’s not hunting season…”

Me: “I’m DoD. So, no discount.”

Cashier: “There’s no such thing as ‘DoD.’ You mean EoD.”

Me: “No, DoD.”

Cashier: “I’m not serving you.”

Me: “Why not?”

Cashier: “I’m tired of you fakes coming in here and trying s***. Get you’re a** out of here before I call the police!”

Me: “Let me talk to your manager.”

Cashier: “No.”

Me: *raising voice* “I said, I want to speak to your manager, NOW.”

(At this point someone comes from the back, looking around. From the different uniform, I gather that the person is a manager.)

Manager: “What’s the problem?”

Cashier: *before I can speak* “He thinks he can lie to get a meal discount.”

Manager: “Is that true?”

Me: “No. As I told your genius here, I’m not in the military. I work for the DoD. I don’t want a discount; I just want to get my burger and tea and then go back to my room to sleep.”

Cashier: “DoD.” *scoffing* “I told him there’s no such thing. Stupid idiot can’t even keep his story straight. It’s EoD!”

Manager: “Look, I don’t want trouble, but if you don’t leave now, I’m going to have to call the police. Impersonating a soldier is a criminal offense.”

(About this point I hold up my hands.)

Me: “Fine. I’m done.”

(I head out and make a quick call to the owner — how I know him will become clear. He tells me to sit tight and he’ll be right there. About five minutes later, he drives up and I explain everything to him in the lot. We head back inside. The cashier sees me coming in, followed by him, and quickly turns to call the manager forward. The exchange is short but sweet.

Owner: “Now, correct me if I’m wrong here. A customer came in, ordered something, and you took it upon yourself to berate and embarrass him because you two morons think you know everything there is to know in this world?”

Manager: “He’s a liar, sir. Look, he keeps saying he works for the DoD. Everyone knows there’s no such thing. He means EoD…”

Owner: “No, you idiot. He means DoD. DoD as in Department of Defense. He works for the government; in particular, a defense contractor.”

Manager: “And you believe that?”

Owner: “Considering he’s engaged to my daughter, and I used to work for the same contractor he works for? Yeah, I’d say I believe it.”

(Heading outside with the him, we shared a laugh, and then a serious warning that he is going to tell my fiancé the whole story, and I’d never get to live it down. I still haven’t. Though now I do change before I go out for dinner — just in case.)

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Please Continue To Work At Your Panic Station

| Golden, CO, USA | Bosses & Owners, Health & Body

(I am working the front register and we have a line to the door, for about an hour. My manager is supposed to be running for me, but he runs off. I have anxiety, and I am dealing with plenty of rude and impatient customers despite the fact we are completely slammed. When my manager finally returns, I have just finished an order, and five orders need to be brought out. I turn around to make a drink. I am about to have a panic attack.)

Manager: “[My Name], take orders.”

Me: “Sir, I know we are slammed, but could I just take a quick breather? Like, for two minutes, please? I could have a panic attack any minute now.”

Manager: “I know it’s stressful, but calm down and have your panic attack another time. This is bad timing.”

(Like I have any control over it.)

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Mozzarella-ella-ella-ella

| KS, USA | At The Checkout, Employees, Food & Drink, Ignoring & Inattentive

(I was visiting my mom for the weekend and decided to go to a fast food place to get a late lunch. It is a well known fast food place you can either drive through or park and order from your car.)

Me: *tells my mom what I want because she’s driving*

Mom: *presses the button*

Employee #1: “Welcome to [Fast Food Place]. What can I get you?”

Mom: “Hi, I’d like a three-piece #10 meal with tater tots, ranch, and a vanilla Dr. Pepper. Can I also get a small order of mozzarella sticks?”

Employee #1: “Is that the three-piece or five-piece #10?”

Mom: “The three-piece with tater tots, ranch, and a vanilla Dr. Pepper. Also a small order of mozzarella sticks.”

Employee #1: “Would you like fries or tater tots with that?”

Mom: “Tater tots, ranch, and a vanilla Dr. Pepper. Also a small order of mozzarella sticks.”

Employee #1: “Sauce?”

Mom: “Ranch and a small vanilla Dr. Pepper. Also a small order of mozzarella sticks.”

Employee #1: “What would you like to drink?”

Mom: “A vanilla Dr. Pepper. Also a small side of mozzarella sticks.”

Employee #1: “So I’ve got the #10 three piece combo meal with tater tots, ranch, and a vanilla Dr. Pepper. Anything else?”

Mom: “A small order of mozzarella sticks, please. Nothing else.”

Employee #1: “Okay, your order is $[total].”

Employee #2: *comes out after a bit with our food* “Okay, I got a three-piece combo meal with tots, a small order of mozzarella sticks; I threw in two-or-three ranch cups for you, a vanilla Dr. Pepper, and a watermelon Pepsi.”

Me: *face-palm*